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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partners ex making threats.

58 replies

Ambxr · 29/12/2021 16:36

Hi guys,

So me and my partner have been together a year now. A month getting into the relationship we began getting hounded by his ex partner who he has 2 children with (that she won’t let him see) she began making fake profiles on social media and tormenting us everyday! It was every minute of the day this went on for I believe around 6 months. She made threats to have me raped, she made abusive threats which were verbal and physical. I fell pregnant within them 6 months and she found out I believe through word of mouth and she vowed to have the baby killed. Now I know this will all sound crazy but she is very much so into witchcraft and made threats to harm the baby through spells she gave us the month of it but we very much so don’t believe in it but we did lose that baby within that month she had given and I believe it was a day or 2 later she messaged to confirm she knows the baby is no longer there (I had a miscarriage) it was my first pregnancy. She continued to hound us and eventually stopped in September. We did go to the police in that period but they did absolutely nothing. But she has once again started messaging of several accounts abusing me, my partner, his family and just people we know. She again has vowed to make me lose the baby (again heard through word of mouth) but she has also said if the baby is born she will cut our child into pieces literally! This woman is insane, I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m just so scared. For 12 years of my life I believed I couldn’t conceive and I did this year and I miscarried now I’m pregnant again and I’m just so afraid of what she is capable of? My partner hasn’t had much to say except again to go to the police and I understand that and I know I must but I know they just will think it’s crazy. I feel so alone in all of this, I have absolutely no support and I’m 12/13 weeks pregnant and just so stressed and scared.

OP posts:

IncompleteSenten · 29/12/2021 16:38

Why will they think you are crazy?

Report the threats she has made.

Witchcraft is not real. You did not lose your baby because of a spell.

You need to report every threat she makes and push the police to take action.

NeedsCharging · 29/12/2021 16:39

You have no option but to go to the police.

I would come away from SM for a while too.
Do you have good family support for when the baby comes?

Azerothi · 29/12/2021 16:41

Do you and boyfriend live together?

Original poster

Ambxr · 29/12/2021 16:46

We do live together. I have been to the police and will be going on, the first time they did nothing. But will defo be making a statement again.

I have a supportive family for when the baby arrives and I know my partner will make sure our baby is protected but I just don’t have the emotional support from him right now. He tends to get annoyed if I feel a certain way about the situation, I don’t think he understands. But it makes me feel like I can’t feel the way I’m feeling.

OP posts:

NeedsCharging · 29/12/2021 16:49

You have dated him for 1 year. How much do you really know him as a person?

Is the ex messaging/telling you these threats directly or are they things others have told you she says?

Original poster

Ambxr · 29/12/2021 16:53

I’ve lived with him the whole year so do feel like I know him enough and these are direct threats being sent to me, I was getting these every single day for 6 months just constantly and as was he.. We went to the police they didn’t do much. She is just such a nasty person, she just claims all she wants to do is destroy things or ruin his life she says she doesn’t want him to have anyone and wants him to suffer alone. The comments of cutting up our child came from she said if I let the child near my partner she’ll kill the child, she is so sick.. I don’t know what to do anymore

OP posts:

NeedsCharging · 29/12/2021 16:57

It'd a terrible situation and all you can do is keep complaining to the police as you have the evidence she has made threats to harm you and your unborn child.

Has your BF never taken steps to see his children? Is he not concerned that someone who shows this level of verbal violence is around his children?

Original poster

Ambxr · 29/12/2021 17:08

Thank you.

And he has done, it’s where this behaviour of hers has stemmed from him trying to reach out to see the kids or sending gifts. It really got her wound up and so she resulted in this approach.. He has I believe reported it to the social services but I don’t think any steps were taken or I’m not sure if they were.

OP posts:

NeedsCharging · 29/12/2021 17:15

There are 2 different things going on and your BF needs to do more In order to deal with them.

He needs to start the proper process in to seeing his children. He has tried the friendly approach and that hasn't worked so court is the next option. His children deserve for him to put the effort in to seeing them.

Secondly he needs to be supportive of you and how this is affecting you. You deserve that support.

On a personal note I could not have a child with a man who didn't move heaven and earth to see his children but I appreciate that's my choice.

Didimum · 29/12/2021 17:17

There is nothing this woman can do to harm your unborn child. Witchcraft is completely bullshit and your losing your first baby was an awful coincidence. Go back to the police and demand attention from them - say she is harassing you constantly with threats of harm and violence. Save the messages and show them.

Didimum · 29/12/2021 17:18

I’d also report her to NSPCC.

SocialConnection · 29/12/2021 17:18

First, there is no such thing as witchcraft. She has no magic power over you.

But what she is doing is stalking. This will be a bit of a long read but hopefully will help you focus on her real offence: www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/stalking-and-harassment

Gather every single piece of evidence you can - every Facebook msg, text, anything.

Get some legal advice - citizens advice bureau, a free consultation with a solicitor etc.

Then back to the police and speak in terms of stalking and harrassment, which are taken seriously.

The penalties she could face:
Harassment (section 2): a summary only offence, carrying a maximum of six months' imprisonment and/or a level 5 fine;
Stalking (section 2A): a summary only offence, carrying a maximum of six months' imprisonment and /or a level 5 fine;
Fear of violence (section 4): an either way offence, carrying a maximum of ten years' imprisonment and/or a fine on indictment;
Stalking - involving fear of violence or serious alarm or distress (section 4A): an either way offence, carrying a maximum of ten years' imprisonment and/or a fine on indictment.

You don't have to put up with her malice.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/12/2021 17:21

No man is worth this bullshit. Run for the hills and start over.

Toottooot · 29/12/2021 17:24

Has he actually made any proper legal effort to see his children or does he just accept her saying no?

SeasonFinale · 29/12/2021 17:26

Also go to see a solicitor about getting a civil Protection from Harassment order too if the police aren't helping.

AlternativePerspective · 29/12/2021 17:35

This whole setup is disfunctional. As in all of it.

You’re with a man who has made no effort to see his children whose mother is apparently capable of making violent threats towards others. You have fallen pregnant twice within the first year of being together, and now you’re getting messages from a changed account threatening you and your unborn baby.

Incidentally what do you know about the ex? Has he said she’s crazy? Mad? That he had to leave because of it? Stopped him from seeing the kids?

And you say these messages are being sent to you directly but that she sets up new accounts to send them. How can you be sure that it’s actually her sending them and not him pretending to be her to reinforce the belief that she’s mental. The fact she apparently knew you were pregnant and then knew you weren’t is ringing alarm bells here.

I would get the hell out and tbh, if you’re not too far along I would terminate the pregnancy so as to not be tied to these people.

But I’m not convinced about him in the slightest.

RandomMess · 29/12/2021 17:36

Speak to national domestic helpline they will help you apply for a non-molestation order.

Presumably your DP has started the court process to have contact with his DC?

RantyAunty · 29/12/2021 17:46

did he leave her to be with you?

Your partner sounds very passive and wet.

Steelesauce · 29/12/2021 18:30

Alarm bells all over this. Why are you having a baby with a man who is not seeing the children he currently has???

Queenofchips · 29/12/2021 18:34

@Aquamarine1029

No man is worth this bullshit. Run for the hills and start over.

This a thousand times.

Georgeskitchen · 29/12/2021 18:57

Has your OH spoken to social services regarding safeguarding his children? What kind of mother makes threats to kill babies?get them contacted and show them.the threats

Dery · 29/12/2021 19:05

Completely agree with @AlternativePerspective on this. Everything about this is completely messed up.

If this ex is really this deranged, then your BF should be moving heaven and earth to see his children and check on their well-being including applying to court for access.

The whole thing stinks and I think you’d be better off walking away from the relationship. No man is worth this. No man.

Pinkbonbon · 29/12/2021 19:12

Stop trying to have a kid with this guy, he does not have your back. And you do know that this womans children will be brothers to your own right? That ties you to her forever. And any kids you have. Don't do that. Sorry but it would be selfish.

Witchcraft to harm...goes back upon the caster tenfold. Go and speak to your local minister or pastor about things, it will help you put your mind at ease.

Seriously though op, I'd leave him.
If you're not prepared to do that then you need to be pursuing it more with the police. Harassment is illegal, they can do something.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 29/12/2021 19:13

If she messaged you a day after you miscarried to say that she knew you had lost the baby then your boyfriend must have told her.

Pinkbonbon · 29/12/2021 19:14

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

If she messaged you a day after you miscarried to say that she knew you had lost the baby then your boyfriend must have told her.

That too.

If its even really her behind the profile. Could be him pretending to be her in order to abuse you. Stranger things have been known.

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