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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partners ex making threats.

58 replies

Ambxr · 29/12/2021 16:36

Hi guys,

So me and my partner have been together a year now. A month getting into the relationship we began getting hounded by his ex partner who he has 2 children with (that she won’t let him see) she began making fake profiles on social media and tormenting us everyday! It was every minute of the day this went on for I believe around 6 months. She made threats to have me raped, she made abusive threats which were verbal and physical. I fell pregnant within them 6 months and she found out I believe through word of mouth and she vowed to have the baby killed. Now I know this will all sound crazy but she is very much so into witchcraft and made threats to harm the baby through spells she gave us the month of it but we very much so don’t believe in it but we did lose that baby within that month she had given and I believe it was a day or 2 later she messaged to confirm she knows the baby is no longer there (I had a miscarriage) it was my first pregnancy. She continued to hound us and eventually stopped in September. We did go to the police in that period but they did absolutely nothing. But she has once again started messaging of several accounts abusing me, my partner, his family and just people we know. She again has vowed to make me lose the baby (again heard through word of mouth) but she has also said if the baby is born she will cut our child into pieces literally! This woman is insane, I honestly don’t know what to do. I’m just so scared. For 12 years of my life I believed I couldn’t conceive and I did this year and I miscarried now I’m pregnant again and I’m just so afraid of what she is capable of? My partner hasn’t had much to say except again to go to the police and I understand that and I know I must but I know they just will think it’s crazy. I feel so alone in all of this, I have absolutely no support and I’m 12/13 weeks pregnant and just so stressed and scared.

OP posts:
katkitty · 29/12/2021 19:48

Have you tried showing social services the messages. I'm sure they'd be concerned over the threat to murder the child and put protections in place

Suzanne999 · 29/12/2021 19:58

Go back to the police. I hope you’ve saved every one of her messages.
If they dismiss your complaint, if you feel you’re not listened to say very calmly you want to speak to a senior female officer to make a complaint. I sound sexist but I think a woman is more likely to listen to you and there’ll be less of the old boys network at play.
You can also report her to F/book or whichever SM she contacts you through.

AlternativePerspective · 29/12/2021 20:25

If she messaged you a day after you miscarried to say that she knew you had lost the baby then your boyfriend must have told her. I suspect the boyfriend is her.

It’s bloody easy to set up an account on facebook and pretend to be someone else. Very easy.

Pinkbonbon · 29/12/2021 20:28

@AlternativePerspective

If she messaged you a day after you miscarried to say that she knew you had lost the baby then your boyfriend must have told her. I suspect the boyfriend is her.

It’s bloody easy to set up an account on facebook and pretend to be someone else. Very easy.

Glad I wasn't the only one thinking that.

Seems like the sort of thing he might do to keep you two from actually talking and you finding out that he is infact, telling you every lie under the sun about her and about how little effort he actually has made to see his kids.

Mamamamasaurus · 29/12/2021 20:44

I'm sorry for your loss OP but this is a train wreck waiting to happen

He has a 'psycho ex', 'kids he can't see' and you've been with him hardly long enough to be having a child with him. I've got socks I've had for longer than you've known him. If he was a decent bloke, he'd be doing his utmost to see his kids, however batty she apparently is.

And I agree with PP - there's a way she knew about your loss, it's closer than you think.

AlternativePerspective · 29/12/2021 21:09

Seems like the sort of thing he might do to keep you two from actually talking and you finding out that he is infact, telling you every lie under the sun about her and about how little effort he actually has made to see his kids. IMO it’s a lot more sinister than that. Anyone who can write those kinds of messages or even think about writing them is dangerous,and I would be afraid of what he was capable of.

Did he want you to fall pregnant straight after your MC per chance? And moving in together from the very beginning? Sorry but I imagine the reason he isn’t seeing his kids is far more sinister than just the ex won’t let him.

You need to get the hell out of there OP.

If it is him sending those messages, (and I suspect that it is,) then you’re in danger. If it is the ex, then he’s not as distant from her as he says because she is finding out your personal information from somewhere.

Either way this man is bad news, and sorry, but if the pregnancy isn’t too far along I genuinely would consider terminating. No good is ever going to come of this relationship. 100% guaranteed.

Dery · 29/12/2021 21:48

“Seems like the sort of thing he might do to keep you two from actually talking and you finding out that he is infact, telling you every lie under the sun about her and about how little effort he actually has made to see his kids.”

I thought this, too. And, OP, please note @AlternativePerspective’s latest post. You scarcely know him. Whether it’s her or him, you need out of there.

Snorkmaidenn · 29/12/2021 22:00

I had a similar situation with a DIL, making threats upon lives. The police did act and warned her. Social services should also be contacted, the ex has serious mental health issues and probably affecting the children.
I'm assuming she has an injunction against your partner? This often happens, making false allegations etc to make life unbearable.
You need to get an injunction so she cannot contact you in any way.
Best of luck with your pregnancy. Take care XX

Original poster
Ambxr · 29/12/2021 23:28

His received messages whilst being sat next to me, his also received very exposing messages about his family from her about things she was aware of. So I know it’s not him sending the messages..
She does have a injunction against him, so he cannot contact her. She was cheating on him their relationship and it came out the boy he was raising turned out not to be his. I still see how much him not being able to see his kids affects him. And he would never make threats about cutting up his own children he was a great dad when he was with his children. She got bitter towards the end when he wanted to leave her. I have no idea how she knew about my miscarriage but some of his family are still in contact with her and his cousins partner being one of her closest friends.

I will be reporting her to the police and social services. I just don’t understand why my partner gets annoyed when I feel a certain way about these things they are so unsettling for me but he gets agitated. I never bad mouth anyone but if l do happen to say things about her to my partner he gets stand offish I’m just not sure anymore I feel like a right mess and my mind is all over the place.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ambxr · 29/12/2021 23:28

& Also thank you to some of the lovely messages I’ve received from some of you guys as I feel so shitty rn so I do appreciate it.

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 29/12/2021 23:56

Why does she have an injunction against him? The courts don’t just hand out injunctions on a wim. There’s a lot he’s not telling you here.

And no. A man who doesn’t see his children and has no effort to do so is not a wonderful father.

Potatodrivers · 30/12/2021 00:12

You are ignoring far too many red flags here. Far too many. It sounds like a very dangerous situation you're putting yourself in, nevermind a baby. That is not including the witchcraft by the way. I mean your boyfriend and his ex.

Its incredibly dodgy. Especially if he doesn't like you being upset by these upsetting and distressing things hos ex is doing. That makes zero sense and is quite alarming.

Potatodrivers · 30/12/2021 00:16

Would you allow your baby to be around a man who was talking like his ex does. About killing babies etc? Or would you do everything in your power to make sure that he had no contact?

I know what I would be doing. The question is, why is he not doing anything and everything in his power to ensure that this unhinged woman is not looking after his children? Surely, them being in care would be better than being with someone who sounds as unstable as she does.

Take the glasses off and look clearly. Run.

DaisyStPatience · 30/12/2021 00:17

Your boyfriend isn't who he's pretending to be. As PP said, "injunctions" aren't handed out like sweets. There will have been some kind of evidence that he was abusive or harassed her. The whole "can't see his kids" shit is a huge red flag. And then moving things along so quickly with you...none of this is good.

Pinkbonbon · 30/12/2021 00:18

'He was a great dad when he was with me children' Says who? Him? And he isn't a great dad or he would be fighting tooth and nail to keep seeing his children. Infact, considering he knows what his ex is like, why isn't he fighting for full custody?

Seriously op you need to get out of this relationship. He is not a good person. He does not have your back. He doesnt even love the kids he already has. Stop lapping up his lies.

Pinkbonbon · 30/12/2021 00:18

*his children

Onthedunes · 30/12/2021 03:58

Look

You are being lied to, all the information, he's a good dad, she's been having an affair, the child he was raising is not his, all this information has come from him.

He becomes annoyed when you try to speak about her because he's worried you are trying to find out the truth.

He has been violent towards her and abusive they would not have issued an injunction against HIM, otherwise. You say she is insane, now I wonder what drove her to become like this.
This man is an imposter, believe him at your peril and please do not have a child with him.

I will give it one year and he will become abusive to you.
I don't often make satements like that but this man really is not what he appears to you, please be careful.

Her behaviour should be a warning to you about him, not her.

Flickflak · 30/12/2021 04:19

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Flickflak · 30/12/2021 04:19

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HoppingPavlova · 30/12/2021 04:33

Go to the police with evidence of her threats of physical violence. For the love of god, don’t bring witchcraft and spells into it or they (rightly) won’t take you seriously and it will deflect from the ‘real’ threats/issues.

MintMatchmaker · 30/12/2021 04:42

Why did she get an injunction against him? Is it court ordered that he cannot see his child(ren)? If not, has he been to court to get contact out in place?

Starlightstarbright1 · 30/12/2021 04:46

The line he is a great dad usually means its questionable.

You need to go to the police with all your evidence.

You need to come off sm... stop sharing any information with anyone in contact with her.

There is so much more to this story than you know.

I would use claire law too.

RantyAunty · 30/12/2021 05:09

Take the blinders off.
This guy is lying to you.

Gingerkittykat · 30/12/2021 05:43

How old are his children and how long were they apart when you met him?

I agree with everyone else that there are red flags about your partner.

Firstly the injunction against him (has he said what it was for?), accusing his ex of being crazy, accusing her of withholding the kids, getting you pregnant really quickly are all red flags that he may be an abuser.

For now, I would document everything crazy the ex does and go to the police again.

whitewashing · 30/12/2021 06:27

What exactly did he do that made him a ‘great dad?’ He’s telling you a complete load of lies, notice how he’s always the poor victim in this story? I take it he’s fighting tooth and nail to get full custody of his children since his ex is a potential child murderer? SS should be handing him his children on a plate, what with him being such a ‘great dad.’