He treats me like a dog he hates.

[bexxboo]

For 5 years I have put up with my daughters father treating me like a dog he hates.

At least that's how he makes me feel. He confesses his undying love for me via text late at night when he's drunk.

When I was pregnant and living with him and his mother, he moved his friend in and they secretly started smoking crack together.

A few weeks after I was moved into a 2 bed flat with my daughter as we were unsafe.

I went back time and time again because I loved him. Even though he treated me with no respect.

A few years on, I'm still having to deal with his shit even though we aren't officially together and I live on my own with our daughter.

He made a point of ignoring me all of Christmas Day, because we had a disagreement in the car regarding his mother.

He says I don't make any effort with him bla bla bla.

He walks around in hundreds of pounds worth of clothing from JD sports yet always misses payments for CSA. He puts clothes, cannabis, and his mum before paying me.

He is lazy with seeing our daughter, I have let him see her at my flat in the past but all he would do is sleep on the sofa. He only wants to be a father when it suits him. Christmas Eve he was too poorly to spend it with us, yet showed up at mine the next morning hungover, fell asleep. He promised he would be here early to watch our daughter open her presents.

Every single time we have gone out as a family, he has turned on me. Even when I try my absolute fucking hardest not to upset him, he always finds something. It's like he hates me, and he doesn't see me as a person.

On our daughters birthday I had to leave the meal at Pizza Hut to go and have a nervous breakdown in the car because he's such a nasty vile cunt. When I went back to sit down he completely changed tried to hold my hand and apologies.

Every Christmas is his prime time for being a cunt, no idea why. It's like he doesn't have it in him to not shit on the day. The only reason I spent it with him is I wanted to be with my daughter all day, he picks her up at lunch to go to his dads so I tagged along as I couldn't hack yet another Christmas without her, she's only young once.

My questions here are:

1. What the fuck is wrong with my stupid fucking head?
2. Why won't he leave me the fuck alone if he hates me so much?
3. Why does he tells me he loves me, yet his actions suggest the absolute opposite?

I feel like he is getting in the way of me moving on with my life. He makes me hate myself, like actually hate myself. When I was living with him and his mum I wanted to top myself. I would lock myself in the bathroom and punch myself in the head.

I just want him to be normal so we can co parent. I'm stronger now than I was then, but he just won't let me be.

I've put in an application to move to another town so I'm not living in the same town as him or his mum, or his friends who report back to him my every breath and fart.

I've been beaten up on a night out because of one of his admirers.

He makes me so beyond angry there are no words to describe the seething hate I have for his personality. How has completely infatuation turned into this?

Sociopaths, narcissists, psychopaths...none of them are capable of love like you or I. You feel like he hates you because he does.

But he also enjoys hurting you. Think of the playground bully and their victim. Does the bully love the victim? No. But they love hurting them.

That's what he is.

The further you can get from him the better. Even better if he takes no interest in being a parent. Children don't deserve nasty fathers. Nor should they grow up sering their mother abused.

He is not like you. Stop trying to understand a predator. Just run.

Why do you have anything to do with him? Just focus on building a good life for you and your dd and let him crack on with his sad little life.

Instead of trying to understand him spoiler: he’s broken in some way that frankly doesn’t matter, spend your energy on trying to understand why you believe it’s ok for you to be abused and why you are letting your kid grow up seeing this as how adults do relationships.
He’s a lost cause; cut him off. You and your DC aren’t. Yet.

Just forget trying to be a family with him, he's just not on your level, it would take decades for the man to even half grow up.
Let him see his daughter but you don't have to spend birthdays and Christmas with him.

Stop spending time with him fgs

I'm so sorry OP. I know exactly how this feels and the space it takes up in your head and the energy it drains you of.

What you really truly need is to accept and face there will never be a better time with him. He will never change, he will never treat you well.
The real him is the one that treats you with the contempt that is causing you so much natural distress.

Your daughter will watch the dynamic and think it normal.
You must get yourself away from this situation.
You are five years in, don't waste 20 years living like this as I did. Life is so much better without it.

Sending you heartfelt support and encouragement

OP - please give up on this absolute lost cause.

He will never be a suitable co-parent so that's not something you should be aiming for. Having him in your life / your child's life is giving them a very dim view of how 'relationships' work.

Tell him he can take you to court if he wants access. I can guarantee you that he won't

I don't want to victim blame but he does it because you let him.
What's worse, you let him do it to your child.
I hope you find the strength to protect yourself one day.

Check out Women's Aid for support
www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/
This is abuse

Ring women aid or another domestic violence organisation as soon as possible and ask them for supportOP. It's not your fault, it's his. If possible do the Freedom programme as this will explain his behaviour to you and how to move beyond it.

You would also find it helpful to take to Heath visitor and/ or GP. It's is really unhealthy for your little girl to observe his behaviours and drug taking. Do you have any family support?

Firstly GROW UP. You want this crack smoking thug in your daughters life?
Secondly STOP BEING A DOORMAT and give your head a wobble love. Stop wondering why he treats you the way he does (obviously a degenerate) and move on, think about your kid fgs. Can you do that? Put your kid first?

Are you risking losing your child because of seeing him?

I feel like he is getting in the way of me moving on with my life.

You are the one getting in the way of moving on with your life. You alone are allowing all of this bullshit to continue.

It's pretty simple with these types.

Delete and block him. change your number.

He's a lazy addicted abuser who adds zero to you or your DDs life.

If I were you I'd be stopping ALL contact and taking it to court, the guy sounds like a d#$*. I'd also be contacting CMS to get them to take payments out how wages.

1. What the fuck is wrong with my stupid fucking head?
Nothing that can’t be fixed. You’re putting him first. Stop!

2. Why won't he leave me the fuck alone if he hates me so much?
Stop thinking about this. It doesn’t matter.

3. Why does he tells me he loves me, yet his actions suggest the absolute opposite?
Stop thinking about this. It doesn’t matter.

He’s getting away with treating you like this because you let him. Stop thinking about the whys of his behaviour. He is not a puzzle for you to solve. He is a problem for you to avoid.
Stop trying to fix things that can’t be fixed. Stop trying to understand things that can’t be understood. Stop pandering to him, hosting him, bending over backwards for him.
Put you and your child first.

Hi OP. You got lots of good advice and support when you have previously posted about this guy. You don’t seem to have taken any of it on board. He doesn’t respect you. Last time you were advised not to let him in your house for contact ever. Not to communicate with him at all other than about your wee one. His behaviour is very consistent. Consistently bad.

Moving house would be a good move for you. Stop trying to play happy families with him. You are not in a relationship. Do not go in his car. Do not let him in your house. Do not let him have your daughter on Christmas Day when he can’t be bothered with her the rest of the year.

And you’re right you will never move on with him in your life. Do yourself a favour and kick him into the long grass for 2022

Who initiates contact between the 2 of you?

OP, I want to focus on the steps you have taken to try and move on. You live separately. When upset or angry you are often removing yourself from the situation. You recognise that he is not a nice person or a positive influence on your life. You know he's a lousy man who is incapable of being the father your daughter needs. You have applied for housing in a different area to try and get away from him. All of these things are very positive.

Some more things to think about:
Have a look at the freedom programme - you can do it online.
Try and not initiate contact with him. Drop the rope and make yourself unavailable to him. Of he chooses not to see his daughter then it's his loss.
If he does get in touch then only respond to questions about your daughter. Don't engage in arguments, try not to rise if he's baiting you. Google the grey rock technique as you might find this helpful.
If you were moved away from him due to his drug use, were social services involved? If they were it might be helpful for you to get in touch with them and ask for their support in rehousing you, and supporting you with doing the freedom programme.

If you can move to a new area away from him then this could be a good step forward - if you cut contact with him and his family and friends, lock down your social media and focus on building an independent life without him.

Good luck.

Stop contact, stop letting him treat you like this, stop letting your daughter see this.

He is never going to change, so you need too.

Thank you everyone, harsh and kind.

I think the reason I have held on is because I'm lonely as fuck. All my family live far away.

We grew up being raised by my father as my mother was a heroin addict, not that it has anything to do with this situation but it's a bit of background.

I remember I loved my mother so much, and she chose drugs.

I also loved my daughters father maybe too much, he chose everything except us.

I've always wanted closure, and for him to look in the mirror and see what he is and what he's done and what he continues to do.

Trying to speak with him about anything causes an argument and a headache.
I mentally cannot get through to him.

I have begged and pleaded to no avail.

I have let this man walk all over me for years because I have held on to his claim he loves me, and we all want to be loved...

I guess I feel because I'm a single mother I won't meet anyone else and apart from that I don't get the opportunity to meet anyone.

He even said, men don't want women with kids, it's baggage.

I hope this move will be a fresh start for us, this flat has been our safe place for a few years but we need a bigger place with a garden away from this small town.

Social services have never been involved, because I moved out when she was only a few weeks old, I had no choice.

I look at my daughter and think how the hell did such a sweet, clever, funny, beautiful little person come from such a nasty person.

I don't want to be posting the same thing a year from now, I'm failing my daughter by letting him be a part of our lives to the extent I have.

Don't have anything to do with him from now. He is abusive and a drug addict. He shouldn't be anywhere near you or your daughter. He will never be the man you want him to be.

Move on. Have fun and live life just you and your daughter. Trust me, you will meet many friends and form relationships along the way. You might feel alone now but you won't be forever. Do what's right and cut him off.

I guess I feel because I'm a single mother I won't meet anyone else and apart from that I don't get the opportunity to meet anyone.

He even said, men don't want women with kids, it's baggage.

Stop focusing on men. Better to be properly single forever and stop even remotely entertaining the idea of this abusive wanker than it is to keep having this weird half relationship with him. You might meet someone else, you might not. Either way you need to stop this dynamic with him as it's damaging to both you and your daughter.

@Glitteringduck

Firstly GROW UP. You want this crack smoking thug in your daughters life? Secondly STOP BEING A DOORMAT and give your head a wobble love. Stop wondering why he treats you the way he does (obviously a degenerate) and move on, think about your kid fgs. Can you do that? Put your kid first?

This.