He treats me like a dog he hates.

[bexxboo]

For 5 years I have put up with my daughters father treating me like a dog he hates.

At least that's how he makes me feel. He confesses his undying love for me via text late at night when he's drunk.

When I was pregnant and living with him and his mother, he moved his friend in and they secretly started smoking crack together.

A few weeks after I was moved into a 2 bed flat with my daughter as we were unsafe.

I went back time and time again because I loved him. Even though he treated me with no respect.

A few years on, I'm still having to deal with his shit even though we aren't officially together and I live on my own with our daughter.

He made a point of ignoring me all of Christmas Day, because we had a disagreement in the car regarding his mother.

He says I don't make any effort with him bla bla bla.

He walks around in hundreds of pounds worth of clothing from JD sports yet always misses payments for CSA. He puts clothes, cannabis, and his mum before paying me.

He is lazy with seeing our daughter, I have let him see her at my flat in the past but all he would do is sleep on the sofa. He only wants to be a father when it suits him. Christmas Eve he was too poorly to spend it with us, yet showed up at mine the next morning hungover, fell asleep. He promised he would be here early to watch our daughter open her presents.

Every single time we have gone out as a family, he has turned on me. Even when I try my absolute fucking hardest not to upset him, he always finds something. It's like he hates me, and he doesn't see me as a person.

On our daughters birthday I had to leave the meal at Pizza Hut to go and have a nervous breakdown in the car because he's such a nasty vile cunt. When I went back to sit down he completely changed tried to hold my hand and apologies.

Every Christmas is his prime time for being a cunt, no idea why. It's like he doesn't have it in him to not shit on the day. The only reason I spent it with him is I wanted to be with my daughter all day, he picks her up at lunch to go to his dads so I tagged along as I couldn't hack yet another Christmas without her, she's only young once.

My questions here are:

1. What the fuck is wrong with my stupid fucking head?
2. Why won't he leave me the fuck alone if he hates me so much?
3. Why does he tells me he loves me, yet his actions suggest the absolute opposite?

I feel like he is getting in the way of me moving on with my life. He makes me hate myself, like actually hate myself. When I was living with him and his mum I wanted to top myself. I would lock myself in the bathroom and punch myself in the head.

I just want him to be normal so we can co parent. I'm stronger now than I was then, but he just won't let me be.

I've put in an application to move to another town so I'm not living in the same town as him or his mum, or his friends who report back to him my every breath and fart.

I've been beaten up on a night out because of one of his admirers.

He makes me so beyond angry there are no words to describe the seething hate I have for his personality. How has completely infatuation turned into this?

@unicornsarereal72

Wow that sounds horrendous.
How did you eventually find it in you to pull away completely? I feel I am still so attached to him and I owe him in some way even though I know that's bollocks but it's like my brain is hard wired that way.
Your situation is very similar to mine, with the talking down the pub about how much of a brilliant dad he is etc etc 😂 the whole town knows what he did to me and DD when she was only a few weeks old. Yet girls still approach him.
It's like they don't see how much of a cunt they are, the phone bill issue with you for example, it's almost laughable.
To me my ex feels like a grey cloud above my life that won't go away. If it senses happiness it rains, if it senses depression it storms.

I wish I had listened to my father when DD was born, get away as far as possible, don't look back, cut contact. But I chose to allow her to have a relationship with her father as I wasn't given that choice with my mother.

Just another niggle but even driving gives me intense anxiety now to the point I got rid of my car, I remember he would grab the steering wheel, shout in my ear, nudge the gear stick, distract me, and once even spat at me, all with our DD in the car.

I have to buy a car when I move as it's not near any big shops or anything and I'm so anxious about being on the road again.

He would trash my car, he took a boot to the windscreen when I was inside it because I locked myself in to get away from him, he borrowed it for work once and left it on the drive with a popped tyre and no petrol.

He would destroy all my belongings, he used to hurt my cat, my dad offered me a laptop for Xmas a few years ago and I said no because I knew he would destroy it.

I turned down the money you can get when you have a child if your on benefits as I knew he would take every penny.

I once had £30 in my bank and he asked to have £20 of it for weed.

Sorry for the length of this one it's just coming to the surface for some reason, things I've tried not to think.

Every time I find the strength and I think Ive finally made it and I'm happy and strong, he destroys me all over again.

@ChargingBuck

Thank you!!
Funny you should mention yoga and Pilates as 2 years ago I started practising yoga, to this day I use it to channel my frustration especially after he picks her up or hurts me, I just take it to the mat. My body has become strong, but my mind hasn't followed suit...
I also journal from time to time.

I have read that pregnancy is a trigger point for abuse, the entire pregnancy didn't feel real, I remember rubbing my belly time and time again saying I'm so sorry.

@jeaux90

CSA is another way of him controlling me, and I think it's the principle of him paying as it's the least he could do. It just fucks me off that he tells me he has no money yet turned up in all new clothes, spends money on green, alcohol, yet can't pay me.

He literally said yesterday if I take him to court he will get paid in cash.

I'll need his payments now more than ever because we are moving and my housing benefit will be reduced by a sum due to having an extra room.

I keep going for jobs and interviews then completely freak out thinking I can't do this I'm not strong enough I just want to hide at home.

I used to be so confident, now I hate being around people, I have absolutely no energy at all, and I wonder if the girl I was 5 years ago isn't coming back

@MsTSwift

It's defiantly harder when I have no family close by yet I'm surrounded by his.

I feel completely alone with little to no support, no where to run to. Which is why I've taken him back so many times as it seemed like the easiest thing to do at the time.

Looking back I want to punch myself in the face.

@Blackopal

I have downloaded the book, thank you.
He's not fully narcissistic or sociopathic as he has shown capability of love and affection. But this man slips away as fast as he rises, 90% of him now is nasty.

@bexxboo I'm sure you like I have many stories of they showing use who they really are. But we have been brain washed. Even now. I have to stop myself helping him out

But that's on us being good people and I wouldn't want to be hardened like they are.

It was a case of him or me. I still struggle now. He has contact with one child not the other. Child's choice. ( all my fault of course nothing to do with the screaming and shouting he used to do).

I had some counselling and I had a small moment. I want him to hurt. Feel guilt remorse anything. And I realised he will always regret his choices. Not for me. I'm replaceable. But his relationship with the kids is rubbish and that's on him.

I found journaling helped. Do seek out support from women's aid. And the suck like. You know you deserve so much better. Something that resonates with me from mn. No dad is better than a shit dad. What are we teaching our girls that poor behaviour from men has to be tolerated because they are dad/men. The one man in their lives who should always cherish them. If we allow them to accept this as ok then what chances do they have at having good relationships in the future.

You have insight. You have already acted in your DD's best insights. Now you have a major move planned with a fresh start - these are all good things. If you have complex PTSD, you should definitely look into EMDR. Yoga and mindfulness may also help. Set yourself a goal of eliminating this man from your life and your DD's life. You will not always be lonely - you can start by making friends in your new location and then, when you have worked through your PTSD and worked through the Freedom Programme, you will have the skills to build healthy new relationships. You can do this.

Because you have been unable to form normal healthy boundries as a child.

Because you have been raised to believe that this is actually normal.

OP this isnt about him - its about your own behaviour and attitudes to what is normal. You need to do a lot of work on yourself because if you dont sort this now - your child will be in. the exact same position when they get older.