My child isn't like me she's just like my mum

[itscomplicatedlife]

It's taken some adjusting, me and my mother were like total opposites, I am quiet, introverted probably a bit boring tbh but like a set bedtime and quiet, can work alone happily. My mum extroverted, talked a lot, loud, sat up most nights until early hrs, liked a very late until midday lie ins, cracking sense of humour, a lot of fun!

Issue is my.m Daughter is turning out to be exactly like my mum and nothing like me or my DH! We few so drained it's been quite hard as we both work full time and it's been exhausting, she rarely ever napped, age 2.5, up early etc but I'm just shocked, its like myself and mum all over again, she found me hard to relate to as did I to her! Has anyone else had the same happen to them and found it really hard to adjust to??

My dd is very different to me, but what I would say is that she has also changed a lot over the years. Certainly hugely different to at 2.5, which is still a baby really. I find it fascinating to be honest, but it has meant that dh, who is more like her, is better at calming her down/understanding her when she’s upset or emotional.

We're quite surprised at how differnt we are, it's like I had the child of my mother because she looks just like a 50/50 split of my mum and dad also and is proving to be so similar in her mannerisms, expressions, energy levels to them both. I am very very differnt to both my parents I am more like both of their brother and sisters. My daughter is amazing but we're just so different like my mum was to me, I just feel like a totally differnt character like I did to my mum and find it hard to relate! I hope someone understands what I mean! My mum lived a very bohemian way of life she never worked and kept us up late at wknds with her friends over and pub outings etc it was so much fun as a kid but I found the lack of routine really hard & found my route in to uni and in an office sit down role, I'm so boring and normal in comparison to her I just don't know why I am the way I am compared to mum and my dad also was very similar! It's just hard I don't have this enegry and I am worried I won't have an idea how to relate to my daughter as she grows up potentially hating routine she already fights us both intensely on wake ups and refuses to wear anything we set out, that's prob normal but she is showing clear signs of having a very independent character and knows her own mind which is a good but people we know usually have a little battle getting them dressed but most don't have to pick out their own outfits. It's hard to explain and I probably haven't told it right but if that makes sense be great to chat!!

Is your kid healthy and happy? If so good.

@Didiusfalco - I know it's so interesting too, I'm finding it a lot to get my head around though and we both find her draining, we have to go to bed most nights soon after she does to rest. They say at 2.5 it's hard to tell but compared to most toddlers this age we know a few she is the only one with this also unagreeable moody persona. My Dad said to me she whinges so much and is quite clingy and always says I was such a placid happy baby and hardly ever heard a peep out of me and I slept easily no issues. Our daughter was a bad sleeper until just 6 months ago. When she sees most people she turns away I never expected that naively and stupidly I thought she'd be like us very sociable and smily like most other babies I see but she's not, even if she's at soft play if a kid she doesn't know comes close to her she stops dead and gives them a stare and seems so uninterested I find this very hard! Her energy tells me she's extroverted but at the same time she can be very closed Shop and her tantrums are horrendous. She is intense. My mum used to have a similar persona, if she didn't feel chatty she just wouldn't make an effort and if she had an issue about something it was massive. She could change so much still yet but I'm aware of something whatever this is thats just differnt

She’s only two and a half how can you attribute her character already? At that age my Dd would bite me now she’s a thoughtful lovely teen who is great company. My friends Dd was an angel “good girl” all through primary then became a wild party girl goth teen.

People are different.

Also, just incase, be aware of things like adhd.
But more than likely she's just a boisterous young toddler eith a big personality.

@Lillyofthe oh yes she sure is, she is happy very happy when she's not got a bee in her bonnet but if she has it's like she blows up, her tantrums are epic! 😧 no health issues

@MsTSwift It started just with the obvious when out and about she rarely smiled at passers by who's tried to interact with her she'd either meltdown or try to hide and people we know just said she's quite differnt to us which is very obvious if you knew us etc. My mum always said when I was older how differnt we were, she hated technology and work and liked being at home all wk, I found it difficult to be inside for long periods, loved technology and work in an office role - were just different. The couple we know their babies just gel easily ans they say they find it easy but honestly we are finding it much more challenging. It's hard to explain & also to undertand to i think unless your in this situation, i don't think it's common

@Pinkbonbon This has been suggested to us, she can't sit still for a moment, she's up and down constantly. We've never sat and watched anything together even the short programs she hasn't the patience but she is only young, but a couple of my friends daughters at this age regularly sat quietly with mum and a blanket watching a film together, I've never achieved this yet. People used to say to me I bet you're l

That all sounds completely like a normal toddler behaviour to to me

i am nothing like my kids, they are exhausting, irritating and lovely

sometimes i hide in the wardrobe for quite time

@Pinkbonbon sorry hit send, I bet you're loving being on mat leave, I only wished to say yes I waited so long for this but it was difficult she cried most days, had meltdowns before bedtime for well over and hour and woke constantly I was exhausted by 6mo and was even more so when I returned to work us both being woken multiple times for months. Just mad how different she's turning out to what I suppose I expected

I don't think you can project that far. Education and immediate family has a huge influence on a child. One of mine was a really bad sleeper and hated learning to read/ do maths, now getting top grades and really focused on her career goals.

@elizabethdraper Yes and it could be a toddler thing too! I just don't know, tbh some things are markedly differnt to how both my parents described myself as a child, we thought she'd be more easy going and just smily but no quite the opposite! I need a wardrobe I can hide in! Sounds like a plan 😂🤦‍♀️ x x

My DD changed a lot when she started school. She was totally wild, independent, huge tantrums. She suddenly got everything under control and became this ideal child (and still is at 13!). It's very odd. Actually she's way more like my Mum now, and more like me when she was younger - wild child, free, independent, outspoken. She cares way too much about what people think and wants to please everyone, never wants to express her opinion, very introverted but very determined and stubborn if it's important to her. I really admire her.

Anyway, so I'm saying, she could easily change quite a lot. And maybe you're reading too much into her personality due to your relationship with your Mum and the trauma (kids need some routine) of your upbringing. Your daughter is herself. She has her own genetic makeup and she has a different life to you which could have more impact on her than her character (or in combination with it), so I'd say, just enjoy her for who she is and help her overcome obstacles eg. Teaching and modeling friendliness (could do role plays when she's older). She will be her plus a good dose of what she's brought up to be.

Kids are hard work. Or so I'm told, not a fucking chance will I be having them if I can avoid it xD

But they grow up.
I had a difficult relationship as a child with my mum..now we're best friends. Very different people in many ways but we get on.

Just keep an eye on things, speak with her teachers when the time comes if she is still bouncing off the walls ect..

It's probably fine. Kids aren't supposed to be easy lol.

@Cattitudes Yes there is time too for things to change, we just said most things we do with her first time for eg are a major issue, not an issue but big! Swimming hated it screamed the place down and left after 5 mins, tried again a few months later much smaller pool, same reaction, go to soft play all other life not matter their age, mostly all smiling and go in no issues not ours. Go for a walk speak to people, she's hiding or screaming. Bath times were awful, grandad comes round sometimes she's fine but sometimes it's like she doesn't know him 🙄 drama Queen or typical toddler I don't know just seeks to be her way and so far doesn't look to change but of course it could in time

@MerryMarigold Wow that's interesting so just changed how you described her early on is just like our DD and how you said about the introverted and other bits sounds like me! So she could change a lot, I'm finding this age or stage or whatever it is very challenging atm we both are. Don't get me wrong she is the sweetest baby girl at this age and has such a character but it's come wiith a lot of intensity, moods and crying which has been totally draining, just not how we expected it to be tbh

@Pinkbonbon some other parents make it oooks so easy and it starts making you question why we aren't but we know it's not us it's form

@Pinkbonbon sorry I hit the send button again 🤦‍♀️ I think some parents have it easier than others based on how their child is, we know a few whose toddlers are just so much more relaxed with most things that isn't common either but it's really makes you think your child's differnt when they aren't like you or most kids u see regularly 🙄 x x

Think I'd just try wear her out eqrly in the day lol. Like, put some music on and encourage her to jump about to it. Or go to the garden and have her run back and forth between me and her dad. ...I hear that works on puppies so maybe it'll work on people too lol.

And when she is older, find her hobby that she can channel energy into...oh wait...that's a ceasar Milan idea too xD

Sounds very similar to my autistic DC.

I think you are over-projecting a bit, she's isn't like your mum, she's a fairly normal toddler! One of mine was very 'lively' (in the bad mumsnet way) as a child, extremely disobedient, never walked, just ran and was very stroppy, having huge tantrums til about age 8! She matured out of it and has been for the most part a very easy going teenager, with a lovely but quite introverted nature.

I don't think these things are all set age 2 and a half. It is draining having a livelier child when everyone else seems to have a nice quiet one that holds hands when they walk about and everything, but this may all change quite dramatically. Please don't box her in by saying she's like your mum, you really don't know how she'll turn out and her personality is not fixed at that age.

@Pinkbonbon maybe I need a new dog she can run round after outside!! 😂😂🙄x x

@felulageller Well my Dad had said could she be, I said it's hard to tell atm. I don't know really what says at this age she could very likely be... she gets distracted so easily, no one at nursery though has mentioned any issues feel like if there was they'd maybe have mentioned something but nothing so far x

@MsTSwift

She’s only two and a half how can you attribute her character already? At that age my Dd would bite me now she’s a thoughtful lovely teen who is great company. My friends Dd was an angel “good girl” all through primary then became a wild party girl goth teen.

Why is the "goth" part relevant?