My child isn't like me she's just like my mum

[itscomplicatedlife]

It's taken some adjusting, me and my mother were like total opposites, I am quiet, introverted probably a bit boring tbh but like a set bedtime and quiet, can work alone happily. My mum extroverted, talked a lot, loud, sat up most nights until early hrs, liked a very late until midday lie ins, cracking sense of humour, a lot of fun!

Issue is my.m Daughter is turning out to be exactly like my mum and nothing like me or my DH! We few so drained it's been quite hard as we both work full time and it's been exhausting, she rarely ever napped, age 2.5, up early etc but I'm just shocked, its like myself and mum all over again, she found me hard to relate to as did I to her! Has anyone else had the same happen to them and found it really hard to adjust to??

Don't project all that onto her at such a young age they really do change.
If she has lots of energy then help her channel that into sport or dance etc.
Encourage and admire her independent spirit - don't be scared of it. Let her make decisions on clothes and develop that into helping with family decisions as she grows.
Help her become emotionally intelligent in that some people need some quiet time and there isn't anything wrong with that -
We are just all different.

@EarthSight Now I now why some people call
Them threenagers 😂 Think im panicking so
Need to watch out for that & see how things unfold still so much time & yes if so I'll know what's to come too 👍 x

@lynntheyresexswappers I know they're mad 😂😂😂 Thank you too! 🍷 always wanted another also but I feel so tired and I'm 37 it's not too old but i wanted to have had the other by now or in the next year 🤦‍♀️ x x

@Palmfrond Omg!! 😱😂 my Dad tbh is totally differnt to his parents and they app (my nan told me mum and uncle confirmed it) found him hard to relate to, he's 6 ft 3, and totally different to his parents they didn't know where he sort
If originated from and his brother, my uncle is more like myself and was more like his parents! My Dad said it's a generic lottery as also I think gets annoyed that I'm not more like him! We're like total opposites!! As was my uncle to him 🤦‍♀️ we had a gangster on my dads, dads brothers side too! It's interesting but throws you
For a loop I can only imagine if they turn out nothing similar to yourselves whicu is kind of what you'd expect or at least like a grandparent!!

@NewtoHolland

Yes probably just a typical 2yo standard stuff also, so hard to tell atm, it's just some of the differences with others her age we've found quite unusual esp when our personalities socially but still time for that to develop also x x

@immersivereader I can imagine yes!! I think you only know what you're used to and the opposite could take a lot of getting you're head around, would have been easier on the energy front for us also had we maybe had her younger and not at 34 add the poor sleep for almost 2yrs on top it's a lot harder to sort of manage, jjst wish I could've had her 4-5 yrs younger but circumstance and wasn't for lack of trying she came along later x

@whatnumber Yes Dance Is def something regular I'm going to get her into in the new year I think she will love it and it'll help her to socialise with other kids her own age & dispell some of the enegry. & yes i can teach her to understand as she grows older about how we're all differnt too etc 😊

So so so much time, and they keep changing all the time, my eldest was super shy and now really outgoing age 7, used to constantly bounce and jump and now she loves to read and draw...she will probably be different again by 10 and again by 13, 16, 19, etc...I think sort of type setting them into this or that type of personality or type of child is impossible as often things go in phases and change and change. With little sleep it is really hard though... sometimes child development books are helpful but sometimes not..I think whole bran child is quite good at explaining the stages they go through with their brain changes xx

Oh yes, DD as she's grown up is the reincarnation of my MIL in looks and personality. But realising how similar they are helped me understand DD better. Both had issues with disliking change, shyness, food textures etc so its made me more understanding of DD as I can see patterns in their behaviour.

I get you OP. DS1 is not really like me or DH in his need for interactive games and love for seemingly constant social interaction. The other three of us in the house like occasional social interaction followed by several hours of alone time/sitting quietly. We try with DS1 but all find him a bit wearing, and sadly I think he knows it

All I would say is that you need to find things both you and your DD like, and do those together. I make active efforts to spend time with DS1 doing things he likes and I think he's now old enough to appreciate both the activity and the effort (or the willingness to make the effort anyway).

My point is that even if you have little in common ATM, you can create things to have in common for the future and those will help you to develop a bond.

“Christ, she sounds like a typical toddler to me. Chill, enjoy her and don't try and put her in a box. She'll likely be her own person and not like either of you.”

I agree with this. I was quite shocked to discover she’s only a toddler engaging in what sounds like quite standard toddler behaviour. Parenting toddlers is exhausting but if toddlers are being proper toddlers then they actually shouldn’t be sitting quietly and being compliant. They should be starting to find their likes and dislikes, into everything and have strong opinions. They can only socialise with careful supervision and are likely to lash out in frustration. That’s normal for the toddler developmental phase. Not to say that you don’t try to manage it but don’t start projecting adult personas on to her. Your attitude to her could be quite damaging and alienating.

It may or may not be that there are additional things like autism or ADHD going on here but projecting on to her that she’s like your mother and not like you and your partner (all of whom are adults) is just wrong and unhelpful to you and her.

Being able to cope with little children isn’t about being childlike. It’s about understanding your child. Parenting toddlers is extremely demanding and it’s fine to feel strung out. What isn’t okay is projecting fault on to your toddler and it sounds like that’s what you’re doing. It’s a bad habit to fall into.