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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Creepy guy wont leave me alone

68 replies

Reila24 · 26/12/2021 10:46

There was a guy i had a fwb with back in the day. He was the first person i slept with and at the time i liked him but it mever amounted to anything. After a while things turned nasty and i blocked him, moving on with my life. He got into a relationship but was still trying to contact me and ask to see me.

Fast forward literally 5 years later and i keep getting random friend requests from him on everything. I ignored them. Last year he then used a mutual friends phone and pretended to be them to contact me. As soon as i realised who i was talking to i blocked the friend (much to ny annoyance) as this friend tried to invite me to a place where this guy was even though he knew i wanted nothing to do with him. At the time i was pregnant and this all distressed me.

Now recently ive been getting random private calls. They were at late times( 1am or something) so i knew it wasnt a company or spam. I ignored the calls but suddenly another friend request popped up. I felt so deflated i thought maybe if i just heard what the guy had to say as he has been chasing for my attention for years he would finally leave me alone. He tried to apologise for what happened half a decade ago, but then was being extremely flirty and over suggestive even though he is still with the same gf. The creepy thing was he knew i had a baby even though we have no one in common to know that from. This really got my back up as ive made a point to keep my baby of social media so i was shocked when he told me he knew and also felt abit violated.

I shut down his advances, reminding him that i was not his gf and he had one. He stopped contacting me for a month or two but then i was having relationship troubles and posted a sad picture. He instantly tried to call me on private number then messaged me. He keeps saying he is near the area where i live (he doesnt know where precisely but has a rough idea) and talks about "accidentally" bumping into me. The other night he sent me a message saying he was dropping off a friend that was literally 15mins away from me and that he will look out for me. I find the whole thing unnerving and just creepy.

Even if i block him (which ive done for numerous years) he finds a way to contact me or will persist with random private calls. This has been going on for 6 years now. When will this end and for how long will it carry on??? I cant talk to my partner about it. I tried and his answer was just to block and move on although i've told my dp he finds other means and methods to get through to me. He is also potentionally keeping tabs on my life somehow and i find that quite stalkerish. Wwyd?

OP posts:
onemoredayplease · 26/12/2021 10:55

I think I would be having a more indepth discussion with my partner as a first step. You need help. This guy isn't accepting what you are saying, knows you have a child and vaguely where you live. Your partner needs to hear that and that he is scaring you. I would also be talking to the police too.

Calamitydrayne · 26/12/2021 10:57

Change your number so he can't make random calls and tell the police exactly what you have posted here

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/12/2021 10:59

Get the police involved now and tell your partner again as this thrives on secrecy. Your ex partner is stalking you and has been for the last six years. You deserve a life free from such behaviours.

At the very least contact the Suzy Lamplugh Trust and look at their excellent website on how to keep and stay safe.

IamGusFring · 26/12/2021 11:00

Stop posting things about your love life on SM . Next time he contacts you tell him you will report him to the police and tell his GF .

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 26/12/2021 11:00

“ i was having relationship troubles and posted a sad picture. He instantly tried to call me ”
This for starters - yes you can block him but change your privacy settings so that only people you trust can see your profiles at all.

That’s not to say any of this is your fault. I think you need to contact police ASAP. Don’t be fobbed off. Start keeping a diary of all the unwanted contacts, and if you feel like you have mental energy for it then go back and list all of the historic contacts too. There is a way that you can get FB (and others I assume) to email you an audit of everything you’ve ever done on there.

dumplings1 · 26/12/2021 11:00

Change your number and only give it out to the friends that don't know him.

RandomMess · 26/12/2021 11:00

Yep you got yourself a stalker. I would get a non-molestation order.

Thanks
crankysaurus · 26/12/2021 11:29

Yep, I was going to suggest the Suzy Lamplugh Trust too, and be more open with your partner and less open with your social media.

MrMrsJones · 26/12/2021 11:35

Definitely get the police involved, we have had to do the same with my daughter and her stalker

CaveMum · 26/12/2021 11:36

You are being stalked. Some people, or even your own thoughts, might try to convince you that he’s “just a bit over enthusiastic” or that “he just doesn’t understand boundaries very well” but the definition of stalking is:

“Stalking is a pattern of repeated and persistent unwanted behaviour that is intrusive and engenders fear, it is when one person becomes fixated or obsessed with another and the attention is unwanted. Threats may not be made but victims may still feel scared. Importantly threats are not required for the criminal offence of stalking to be prosecuted.”

Contact Paladin, they will be able to advise you on the steps to take but I would also log this with 101 so that you’ve got something on record.

paladinservice.co.uk/

IncompleteSenten · 26/12/2021 11:37

I would contact the police and ask them to tell him to leave you alone

Baileysandcream · 26/12/2021 11:39

He stopped contacting me for a month or two but then i was having relationship troubles and posted a sad picture. He instantly tried to call me on private number then messaged me.

How did he see the post? He must be stalking your social media on a very frequent basis to try to contact you as soon as you've posted something.

If you haven't already, then change all of your social media settings to private / friends only, so that nothing you post is public. If you've already done that, then is it possible he's in your friends list somewhere under a different name?

It's sounds like he is really fixated on you and it must be really unsettling for you to keep getting these kind of messages. It's worth looking at the Suzylamplugh org website for some advice. They can also advise whether you should report it to the police.

Start keeping a log of all his contact attempts with as much detail as possible so that you have a record and try to include all the historical stuff if you can.

When I had some issues with a stalker, I spoke to the helpline and they advised me to
-keep a log of everything
-if I was contacted to reply with a clear statement that I do not wish to be contacted by them and if they contact me again, I will report them to the police for stalking.

If he's fixated and obsessed with you, his thought process isn't working logically and rationally. He only hears what he wants to hear.

It's a shame that you're not feeling more supported by your partner, perhaps you could get him to have a look at some of the guidance on the stalker charity/help websites, so that he is more understanding?

RedToothBrush · 26/12/2021 11:39

Its not stalkerish. It is stalking.

Make sure people close to you are aware of this. Especially your partner. You need to tell them.

Scarydinosaurs · 26/12/2021 11:40

Keep blocking and don’t accept the calls.

Change your number and your settings on social to private and delete everyone on your friends list you don’t 100% know/have links with this guy.

HaroldMeeker · 26/12/2021 11:43

He's a stalker. Please talk to the police, asap. This isn't harmless or benign or just being friendly. He's a stalker.

TerraNovaTwo · 26/12/2021 11:46

www.gov.uk/report-stalker

Original poster
Reila24 · 26/12/2021 11:56

Wow. Im suprised by the responses on here. I guess because i confided in my partner and two close friends and no one reacted like this or so it to he that bad i had just naturally under played it in my head.

Honestly i just thought it was a typical guy wanting to cheat on his gf and thought i was an easy willing component. What doesnt make sense is usually he lives up north and im down south so if he did just want to sleep with a girl and cheat him badgering someone so far away from him wouldnt add up. I was wondering why it was ME and was takung it very personally. On the other hand my partner thinks im feeding into it and it is a simple block and move on situation. Even when i expressed my distress about how he knew of our child my dp thought there must of been a logical explanation. When i questioned the creepy guy on how he knew he kept the information withheld ( because i think he liked to wind me up and also because it kept me talking to him). Instead he insisted i had to play this stupid game of answering questions for a question. Of course his question constantly was am i still with my childs father. Eventually i got it out of him that it was apparently from a friend of a friend. Ive instantly blocked all mutual contacts that could possibly link back to him off my phone.

To pps asking how he saw my post i have not blocked him off one social media. There is no point. He will continue to harass me either way. If not now it will be in a couple months again. I think he tries it with me when things goes bad with his gf. He was expressing alot of relationship issues but i took no notice of them as i know guys will plant the "things arent going to well" seed down so it justifys cheating to him and the anyone he is trying to seduce.

I doubt this worth the polices time. A couple of private calls here and there arent enough to report someone. And the way he says everything makes it come across light hearted. Honestly he words all the "im nearby you" stuff as banter and jokes. It just unsettles me. Whether its true or not its him making it known to me that he is near by and possibly seeing if i take the bait and ask to meet. Im sure if he did he would say yes in a drop of a hat. Im also tempted to do it so i can then call out his intentions and tell him to leave me alone for good.

OP posts:
Ibane · 26/12/2021 12:01

Why are you suddenly now downplaying it all when posters, unlike your partner and friends, are taking it seriously, and recommending you engage the police?

And why haven’t you blocked him on one social media avenue?

crankysaurus · 26/12/2021 12:03

I don't think it's (just) that he wants to sleep with you but that he's playing with you and has some level of obsession. Normal people, on being blocked, take that as a sign that that person doesn't want to be in touch again. He keeps finding new ways to get to you and that's where it crosses the line.

crankysaurus · 26/12/2021 12:03

And yes, keep blocking him on SM!

BackBackBack · 26/12/2021 12:04

Do not try and game play. This bloke is seriously unhinged to be following your life and movements and pestering you years after you broke things off.

Send him one message; do not contact me again. I don't want to talk to you and I want you to leave me alone. If you bother me again I will involve the police.

Then block him on absolutely everything and if you carry on getting phone calls and messages then contact the police.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/12/2021 12:05

Of course this is worth the police’s time. Stalking is taken far more seriously these days and you’ve had already six years of unwanted contact from this individual. Do you really want another six months, let alone another decade of this?. No you do not. So get your head out of the sand here and call them. Being an ostrich here will do you no favours. And your friends need censure for not taking this seriously either.

RedCandyApple · 26/12/2021 12:06

Wouldn’t it be easier to just change your number?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/12/2021 12:06

After all they are not the ones on the receiving end of this, you are.

RedCandyApple · 26/12/2021 12:09

It also does sound like you are engaging with him when you shouldn't at all.