Creepy guy wont leave me alone

[Reila24]

There was a guy i had a fwb with back in the day. He was the first person i slept with and at the time i liked him but it mever amounted to anything. After a while things turned nasty and i blocked him, moving on with my life. He got into a relationship but was still trying to contact me and ask to see me.

Fast forward literally 5 years later and i keep getting random friend requests from him on everything. I ignored them. Last year he then used a mutual friends phone and pretended to be them to contact me. As soon as i realised who i was talking to i blocked the friend (much to ny annoyance) as this friend tried to invite me to a place where this guy was even though he knew i wanted nothing to do with him. At the time i was pregnant and this all distressed me.

Now recently ive been getting random private calls. They were at late times( 1am or something) so i knew it wasnt a company or spam. I ignored the calls but suddenly another friend request popped up. I felt so deflated i thought maybe if i just heard what the guy had to say as he has been chasing for my attention for years he would finally leave me alone. He tried to apologise for what happened half a decade ago, but then was being extremely flirty and over suggestive even though he is still with the same gf. The creepy thing was he knew i had a baby even though we have no one in common to know that from. This really got my back up as ive made a point to keep my baby of social media so i was shocked when he told me he knew and also felt abit violated.

I shut down his advances, reminding him that i was not his gf and he had one. He stopped contacting me for a month or two but then i was having relationship troubles and posted a sad picture. He instantly tried to call me on private number then messaged me. He keeps saying he is near the area where i live (he doesnt know where precisely but has a rough idea) and talks about "accidentally" bumping into me. The other night he sent me a message saying he was dropping off a friend that was literally 15mins away from me and that he will look out for me. I find the whole thing unnerving and just creepy.

Even if i block him (which ive done for numerous years) he finds a way to contact me or will persist with random private calls. This has been going on for 6 years now. When will this end and for how long will it carry on??? I cant talk to my partner about it. I tried and his answer was just to block and move on although i've told my dp he finds other means and methods to get through to me. He is also potentionally keeping tabs on my life somehow and i find that quite stalkerish. Wwyd?

Sorry that your partner thinks you're feeding in to it.

That's really unsupportive.

I think it's all connected. You put up with a partner who doesn't support you when you're being stalked, he doesn't believe your perspective. Putting up with that bullshit is the eroded boundaries that make this stalker think he can bully you in to giving in.

I would go to the police. You believe your perspective. You stand firm in your interpretation of events. xx

If you haven't already done so, send one completely explicitly clear message that tou do not want any contact for any reason ever again. Do not protect his feelings when doing this - he clearly doesn't give a shit about yours.

Then block on EVERYTHING. Every single possible thing.

Then keep a log of any contact after then in case you need it with the police (if you're not willing to go to them already).

@Reila24

Wow. Im suprised by the responses on here. I guess because i confided in my partner and two close friends and no one reacted like this or so it to he that bad i had just naturally under played it in my head.

Honestly i just thought it was a typical guy wanting to cheat on his gf and thought i was an easy willing component. What doesnt make sense is usually he lives up north and im down south so if he did just want to sleep with a girl and cheat him badgering someone so far away from him wouldnt add up. I was wondering why it was ME and was takung it very personally. On the other hand my partner thinks im feeding into it and it is a simple block and move on situation. Even when i expressed my distress about how he knew of our child my dp thought there must of been a logical explanation. When i questioned the creepy guy on how he knew he kept the information withheld ( because i think he liked to wind me up and also because it kept me talking to him). Instead he insisted i had to play this stupid game of answering questions for a question. Of course his question constantly was am i still with my childs father. Eventually i got it out of him that it was apparently from a friend of a friend. Ive instantly blocked all mutual contacts that could possibly link back to him off my phone.

To pps asking how he saw my post i have not blocked him off one social media. There is no point. He will continue to harass me either way. If not now it will be in a couple months again. I think he tries it with me when things goes bad with his gf. He was expressing alot of relationship issues but i took no notice of them as i know guys will plant the "things arent going to well" seed down so it justifys cheating to him and the anyone he is trying to seduce.

I doubt this worth the polices time. A couple of private calls here and there arent enough to report someone. And the way he says everything makes it come across light hearted. Honestly he words all the "im nearby you" stuff as banter and jokes. It just unsettles me. Whether its true or not its him making it known to me that he is near by and possibly seeing if i take the bait and ask to meet. Im sure if he did he would say yes in a drop of a hat. Im also tempted to do it so i can then call out his intentions and tell him to leave me alone for good.

What do you mean, "there's no point" blocking him? There's every point. That sends a clear message that you don't want anything to do with him, and it makes it harder for him to glean info about your life. The same with the "question for a question" game he played with you. You didn't have to play along with that. You could have just put the phone down and gone straight to police. I'm not blaming you for any of this because I know how easy it is to get sucked in by someone else's controlling behaviour, but it's not going to stop unless you take some control of your own.

You are still talking to him otherwise you would just block him on all social media.

Send a cease and desist message which is straight forward 'do not contact me again and if you do i will regard it as harassment' then block and do not engage in anyway further.

At this point any further contact is a clear breech of that. Detail what has happened in the past and write down and record any further contact.

I very much get the impression you don't want to contact the police: you should be aware this is worthy of police involvement.

If he is going to these lengths you don't know what he will do next or whether it will step up. Then more you have on record, the better you can protect yourself - and your family. This is no longer just about you, its also about your child and the relationship you have with your child's father.

You are not really helping yourself here.

Send him a message telling him not to ever contact you again. Change your mobile number. Delete your social media.

If you must, set up a new, private SM account with a very few select friends on there. Actual friends. Not just people you want to perform to. Only give actual friends your new number.

Tell him if he does not stop contacting you, you will report him to the police for harassment.

He stopped contacting me for a month or two but then i was having relationship troubles and posted a sad picture. He instantly tried to call me

Maybe change your settings on whatever site that is so he/non-followers can't view it.

I doubt this worth the polices time.

It doesn't really take up much of their time, they'll just contact him, maybe just call him, and tell him to stop it. That'll probably be all they do unless he then goes on to do something else. So that'd take them a few minutes, but hopefully might shut him up. Then if he does anything again/you get the calls again, let them know.

@AttilaTheMeerkat

Get the police involved now and tell your partner again as this thrives on secrecy. Your ex partner is stalking you and has been for the last six years. You deserve a life free from such behaviours.

At the very least contact the Suzy Lamplugh Trust and look at their excellent website on how to keep and stay safe.

Absolutely this.

I would contact the police.

Tell your partner. Men have quite clear attitudes to men harrassing their partners.

Tell this creep's girlfriend. She will have her own way of dealing with this.

Tell any friends you may have in common what he is doing.

My ex SIL's ex BF went weird and after she dropped him he contacted everyone she knew including me. We all know and have blocked him.

Stop dealing with this alone.

You've already told him to leave you alone. He doesn't care. Don't keep engaging, it will only fuel the behaviour.

The police's time is for protecting the public and dealing with crimes. This is both.

@Ibane

Why are you suddenly now downplaying it all when posters, unlike your partner and friends, are taking it seriously, and recommending you engage the police?

And why haven’t you blocked him on one social media avenue?

6 years this is going on?

Involve the police.
It really is that simple.

You're either minimising or enjoy the 'drama'.

Make it clear to him that if you receive any further communication from him, by any medium, attempting to intimidate, harass or pester you, you will report to the police and take steps to have him served with a non harassment/molestation order served against him.

It most definately is worth the polices time. That's what they are there for.

If you really are not ready to report this yet then I'd advise the guy firmly, enough is enough and if he contacted you again in anyway shape or form, you'd be calling the police.

Also op... just q thought but..there's no way these profiles could ACTUALLY be your bf could they? I mean think about it, he knew about the baby. And he knew about the difficult time you were having with your partner. And his questions were about your feelings for your partner. Is it possible your bf is pretending to be this person who you once slept with? Wpuld make sense as to how he knows all these things.

Either that or someone you know is leaking the info to him.

Get the police involved though op. I suspect if it is this man, he will be known to them for similar stuff. His behaviour is escalating and you need to protect yourself.

Tell him you're back with your ex and you're going to marry him

Why are you downplaying this all of a sudden?

Contact the police

Ask them to have a word

Revolting man

@Reila24 it IS serious, stalking is a criminal offence for a reason, it doesn’t have to involve violence or physical threats - he is making you feel uncomfortable and that should be enough. A decent man would back the hell off immediately if you told him that he was being inappropriate.

Listen to the advice you are being given - block him on all social media platforms (and then lock it all down to private/friends only), block his number, block his email address.

@Reila24 - please be aware that stalkers sometimes murder their victims, without any prior physical violence. You’re not taking this seriously enough and neither are your BF and friends. It does sound like you’ve sent slightly mixed messages also because you’ve not blocked him on social media and periodically engaged with him - which might be why no-one is taking this as seriously as they should. That isn’t helping. Block him on everything. Tell the police what’s going on. If he continues to try and reach you, you could apply for a non-molestation order. If he breaches that, it’s an arrestable offence.

[quote Dery]@Reila24 - please be aware that stalkers sometimes murder their victims, without any prior physical violence. You’re not taking this seriously enough and neither are your BF and friends. It does sound like you’ve sent slightly mixed messages also because you’ve not blocked him on social media and periodically engaged with him - which might be why no-one is taking this as seriously as they should. That isn’t helping. Block him on everything. Tell the police what’s going on. If he continues to try and reach you, you could apply for a non-molestation order. If he breaches that, it’s an arrestable offence.[/quote]
Take this advice. All of it.

Call the police and log it FFS, OP. Request a female officer who specialises/is in charge of this sort of thing. Block him on everything. You owe this man NOTHING. He's revolting, dangerous and deluded.

Scarily, there are more psychos out there than we like to think, who walk amongst us every day and who should be behind bars.

I've had to call police re creepy, sex pest NDN. Stop downplaying this. Get some god dam self-respect and block on social media and IRL.

I think the op doesn’t want to go to the police because she knows she’s been engaging with him only reason I can think of why she’s so against reporting it, stop engaging and go to the police

He's not called leo is he? I've had this issue for 2 years now. Not quite as intense as you, but still annoying.

You can’t be that concerned if you’re willing to allow him to see your personal social medial posts. That just contradicts itself.

I left him on my social media because after 5 years plus of blocking it did NOT deter him away from bothering me.

So i tried a different approach. That hasnt worked either. But call me strange it annoys me less having him on ONE social media on MY terms rather than have him pop up on multiple things trying to get through to me

For the most part he lays dormaint on my social media unless a post comes up regarding my love life ( which has so far been once because i never usually do it). I guess maybe he likes the fact he is there and feels like the "door is half open" so it shuts him up.

For those that are suggesting i love it. That would contradict the point of me making this thread. For those who gave helpful advice thanks. I have spoken to dp about him again and told him the full picture. He agrees he is being a weirdo and i feel better alerting someone. Hopefully nothing more comes of this.

@bebarkered i have considered lying and telling him im getting married. But to be honest i doubt that would put him of. He has no care or respect for my partner or my boundaries. Even if he did care for the level of commitment im in (which he doesnt) im sure he would just happily wait on the sidelines until he sees a weak spot in my "marriage" to jump the spot. I suspect that is his game right now. Like checking in to see if im still with my partner or not. Guys like him that just cant take no or a hint are the f*cking worse.