Creepy guy wont leave me alone

[Reila24]

There was a guy i had a fwb with back in the day. He was the first person i slept with and at the time i liked him but it mever amounted to anything. After a while things turned nasty and i blocked him, moving on with my life. He got into a relationship but was still trying to contact me and ask to see me.

Fast forward literally 5 years later and i keep getting random friend requests from him on everything. I ignored them. Last year he then used a mutual friends phone and pretended to be them to contact me. As soon as i realised who i was talking to i blocked the friend (much to ny annoyance) as this friend tried to invite me to a place where this guy was even though he knew i wanted nothing to do with him. At the time i was pregnant and this all distressed me.

Now recently ive been getting random private calls. They were at late times( 1am or something) so i knew it wasnt a company or spam. I ignored the calls but suddenly another friend request popped up. I felt so deflated i thought maybe if i just heard what the guy had to say as he has been chasing for my attention for years he would finally leave me alone. He tried to apologise for what happened half a decade ago, but then was being extremely flirty and over suggestive even though he is still with the same gf. The creepy thing was he knew i had a baby even though we have no one in common to know that from. This really got my back up as ive made a point to keep my baby of social media so i was shocked when he told me he knew and also felt abit violated.

I shut down his advances, reminding him that i was not his gf and he had one. He stopped contacting me for a month or two but then i was having relationship troubles and posted a sad picture. He instantly tried to call me on private number then messaged me. He keeps saying he is near the area where i live (he doesnt know where precisely but has a rough idea) and talks about "accidentally" bumping into me. The other night he sent me a message saying he was dropping off a friend that was literally 15mins away from me and that he will look out for me. I find the whole thing unnerving and just creepy.

Even if i block him (which ive done for numerous years) he finds a way to contact me or will persist with random private calls. This has been going on for 6 years now. When will this end and for how long will it carry on??? I cant talk to my partner about it. I tried and his answer was just to block and move on although i've told my dp he finds other means and methods to get through to me. He is also potentionally keeping tabs on my life somehow and i find that quite stalkerish. Wwyd?

He sounds like a right twat. So selfish and no thought for your feelings at all!
Stick to broken record technique, I'm getting married. My husband to-be will be out for your blood if you continue to contact me, blah blah.
Sadly his type only listen to a woman if there's a man mentioned

@Reila24

I left him on my social media because after 5 years plus of blocking it did NOT deter him away from bothering me.

So i tried a different approach. That hasnt worked either. But call me strange it annoys me less having him on ONE social media on MY terms rather than have him pop up on multiple things trying to get through to me

For the most part he lays dormaint on my social media unless a post comes up regarding my love life ( which has so far been once because i never usually do it). I guess maybe he likes the fact he is there and feels like the "door is half open" so it shuts him up.

For those that are suggesting i love it. That would contradict the point of me making this thread. For those who gave helpful advice thanks. I have spoken to dp about him again and told him the full picture. He agrees he is being a weirdo and i feel better alerting someone. Hopefully nothing more comes of this.

So basically you have not made it clear you don't wish to engage with him.

Cos thats what leaving him on social media says.

You thought he was just a guy trying to cheat on his girlfriend for SIX YEARS??!!

I’d delete him on all social media. You need to send a clear message.

I’d go as far as to remove mutual friends who he may try to contact you through.

And change your phone number

After a while things turned nasty and i blocked him, moving on with my life. He got into a relationship but was still trying to contact me and ask to see me.

But you said you blocked him.

Fast forward literally 5 years later and i keep getting random friend requests from him on everything. I ignored them.

But you said you blocked him?

You simply cannot keep getting repeat friends requests from the same person when you've blocked them. If it's happening it's because you are allowing it. If someone is getting information about you from your SM accounts it's because you aren't taking steps to prevent them from doing so. Stop being so passive and faux helpless about it.

Now recently I've been getting random private calls. They were at late times( 1am or something) so i knew it wasnt a company or spam. I ignored the calls but suddenly another friend request popped up.

I'm starting to feel a bit like a broken record here.... I thought you blocked him?

Do you have actual proof that it was him ringing you, just a hunch?
Was it direct to your mobile number or via Whatsapp or a SM account?

This really got my back up as ive made a point to keep my baby of social media so i was shocked when he told me he knew and also felt abit violated.....He stopped contacting me for a month or two but then i was having relationship troubles and posted a sad picture. He instantly tried to call me on private number then messaged me

Right. So you felt VIOLATED (strong word) the last time he messaged you and you responded but you still didn't block him or unfriend him, leaving him free to message you again? Can you take a guess at where you might be going wrong here?

Even if i block him (which ive done for numerous years) he finds a way to contact me or will persist with random private calls.

Apart from the time with your mutual friends phone, are you absolutely sure it's even him? Have you answered the calls?

If you know for a fact it's him because you answered, then just tell him straight to please stop contacting you, he's wasting his time, you aren't interested these days, goodbye. Then stop answering random calls from unknown numbers and block any that arouse suspicion. There's a limit to how many mobile numbers he's going to have access to.

If you have actual evidence that he is using underhand methods to continually pester you by phone or trick you into responding to contact by pretending to be someone else, in spite of being asked to leave you alone, then you can take it to the police. But frankly based on what you've said so far they will laugh at you. It's not their job to be your private security detail because you can't be bothered to tighten up on your SM settings.

All this preferring to keep him in plain site just sounds disengenous to be honest. If you keep him as a friend or a follower on any SM then it's not sending a clear message, is it?

This has been going on for 6 years now. When will this end and for how long will it carry on???

It will probably stop when you say you've blocked him and you have actually blocked him.

I cant talk to my partner about it. I tried and his answer was just to block and move on although i've told my dp he finds other means and methods to get through to me.

Waht do you expect him to say, if you won't block the bloke? Do you want him to challenge him to a duel at dawn, or something?

To pps asking how he saw my post i have not blocked him off one social media. There is no point. He will continue to harass me either way

Well that sounds very defeatist. There are a limited numbers of ways a person can see into your online life or contact you online if you have taken common sense steps to protect your privacy. If you won't do that, then there is zero point in complaining about it, while they aren't breaking any laws.

He is also potentionally keeping tabs on my life somehow and i find that quite stalkerish. Wwyd?

well you keep him on one of your SM accounts so...

It's not that I don't take stalking seriously. I do. It's not that I don't think he sounds pushy and creepy. I do. It's not that I don't understand it's making you uncomfortable. I do.

What I don't understand is why you seem to have done so little to solve this yourself in the most obvious ways possible, and yet you are wringing your hands about it.

I doubt this worth the polices time. A couple of private calls here and there arent enough to report someone.

Correct.

Honestly he words all the "im nearby you" stuff....seeing if i take the bait and ask to meet. Im sure if he did he would say yes in a drop of a hat. Im also tempted to do it so i can then call out his intentions and tell him to leave me alone for good.

Oh yeah. Great plan. Arrange to meet him in person to just to let him know you are not at all interested in seeing him or hearing from him. That'll do the trick far better than just blocking him on social media and ignoring any calls from unknown numbers.

Honest to god, I despair sometimes.

But call me strange it annoys me less having him on ONE social media on MY terms rather than have him pop up on multiple things trying to get through to me

You are strange.

He can't 'pop up' on multiple things if you've blocked him or your settings are tight.

What exactly are 'your terms' then? Because it doesn't sound like your terms are working.

For the most part he lays dormaint on my social media unless a post comes up regarding my love life ( which has so far been once because i never usually do it)

If it's FB you can put him on restricted access so he doesn't see any posts that are likely to make him message you. I'm sure you already know this.

I guess maybe he likes the fact he is there and feels like the "door is half open" so it shuts him up.

Of course he likes it. But that's the problem - it's not shutting him up, is it? If it was, then it wouldn't be a problem.

Why on earth would you be happy for him to think the door might be 'half open'? Doesn't that go against everything you've said you think and feel? He made you feel 'violated' simply by telling you he'd heard you'd had a baby, remember?

If someone made me feel stalked and violated I'd not be doing anything that might allow them to think that the door might still be half open.

[quote Reila24]**@bebarkered* i have considered lying and telling him im getting married. But to be honest i doubt that would put him of. He has no care or respect for my partner or my boundaries. Even if he did care for the level of commitment im in (which he doesnt) im sure he would just happily wait on the sidelines until he sees a weak spot in my "marriage" to jump the spot. I suspect that is his game right now. Like checking in to see if im still with my partner or not. Guys like him that just cant take no or a hint are the fcking worse.[/quote]
But how would he see a ‘hint of weakness’ in your marriage if you shut all your social media down tight, and he doesn’t know where you live etc?

There's no point blocking him on SM?

Stop engaging in any shape or form. Stop giving excuses as to why you have ejected this creep completely from your life. How sad that you don't realise you are giving him a glimmer of hope by allowing him to engage. You owe this arsehole absolutely NOTHING. Grow some balls and block him.

Have not yet ejected

@AttilaTheMeerkat

Get the police involved now and tell your partner again as this thrives on secrecy. Your ex partner is stalking you and has been for the last six years. You deserve a life free from such behaviours.

At the very least contact the Suzy Lamplugh Trust and look at their excellent website on how to keep and stay safe.

This.

This guy is stalking and harassing you.

He's displaying worrying behaviour. This is sexual harassment and he could be mentally ill too.

Do you think the time to contact the police is when he starts looking into your windows? How about turning up to pick-up time at your kids school?

Even when i expressed my distress about how he knew of our child my dp thought there must of been a logical explanation. When i questioned the creepy guy on how he knew he kept the information withheld ( because i think he liked to wind me up and also because it kept me talking to him). Instead he insisted i had to play this stupid game of answering questions for a question. Of course his question constantly was am i still with my childs father

He doesn't care about you. He just cares about having you, conquering you. His lust is mixed up with resentment. Resentment that he can't have you.

These men end up sneeering at the object of their advances because they think you are too dim to realise who you should really be with (which is them of course). It's extremely dominant, disturbed, warped thinking.

Honestly he words all the "im nearby you" stuff as banter and jokes. It just unsettles me

Yes I'm sure he does frame it as banter and jokes, but it's not. He knows it's not. He is a nasty piece of work who is deliberately scaring a woman because he wants her to be his conquest.

Never speak to him on the phone again if you can help it. If he borrows someone else's phone to do it, tell him to leave you alone and hang up.

You need to take this to the police now before he ramps this up. He might do so anyway, but you need to start to log this behaviour with them.

Have you actually told him straight that you find him repulsive, and that you would actually gouge out your own eyes rather than have sex with him again??

If you threaten the police, change your number, block on the last of your social, and completely ignore any dms or unknown friend requests, block any "friends" who pass on your info he will get the hint because he will have no choice but to.

You're feeding this weirdos momentum by engaging on any level, and yes engaging also includes leaving one account unblocked.

I cannot understand why you dont make new social media accounts and don't put anything about your personal life on there. Also change your number. How would he be able to see a weak point in your marriage? Tbh you don't seem to be making much of an effort to stop him OP.

This sounds really similar to what happened to a friend of mine. She deleted all her social media accounts and changed her number and it all stopped.

I had similar. I went to the police, deleted all sm, changed my number, informed work and any close friends that he had tried to use to contact me.

Eventually he stopped but it was scary. In his head we were in a relationship, anything that I said was me trying to hide it.