Husband seeking to punish…

[Aries77]

Hi all, huge backstory to this (concerns allegations of verbal abuse against me and him making me very unhappy over last few years over his behaviour with mr and stepkids, are in therapy) but I would be interested in your views on this situation.

H and I not talking (due to his silent treatment of me) except for childcare (and this was basically therapist forcing him). He has invited me to a theatre trip with our ds aged 5 and dss and called it a ‘family trip’. I was surprised to be invited given he is not speaking to me. We are supposed to talk every night re childcare, so he says ‘ I have invited you to the theatre but it is as my guest, so you have to follow my rules and that includes not telling ds what to do’

Am I being obtuse or is he basically destroying my authority with my son and/or continuing to punish me for my ‘verbal buse’ (for the record I have apologised profoundly and have sought help. Therapist says it’s because in deeply unhappy and frustrated and my situation) while pretending to be nice and arrange family activities together? I can’t bear the fact that he is now trying to disempower me in front of my son.

Why is he still your husband? Sounds like a miserable existence for you and the kids. Can’t you just separate?

Tell him no, you are not going.

Honestly it sounds like you need to leave. That’s not behaviour to mod to your kids.

Jesus bloody Christ
Do you live like this?
What’s the point?
What example are setting your child?

I think I am looking at separation seriously now. I kept hoping we could get past this bit clearly not. I have emailed the therapist as he is the only one whom h listens to…I don’t want to damage our child and this behaviour is just nasty and weird

Nasty and weird - yes

I dint want to live like this.
He told me he wants to leave but that he can’t afford to unless I agree to change mortgage to interest only. I think he is punishing me bye I think it’s borderline abuse ?

You’re unhappy.
He isn’t seeking to work with you to improve things.
There’s only one way this gets better.

It’s very controlling and dominating. It’s quite disturbing and I’ve read a lot of posts from dysfunctional relationships on here.

Yes, it is abusive

I know, I want to make it work for the sake of ds plus the fact that I’ve apologised and am trying to move on from my part in this mess, but he is punishing me by giving me the silent treatment and this really odd invitation and request to control. I am trying to be civil for our sons sake in my interactions eith him but what his he seeking to achieve here?
I’m minded not to go or to go and just leave after the performance so no opportunity to belittle my authority

He can keep your seat to put his unreasonable conditions on.

Like hell I’d be going.

Nast, weird and controlling. Makes me think what is he going to do during the trip that would mean you’d want to correct your son or just tell him not to do something risky — but he’d made you agree not to.

It’s not a great situation all round is it? Can you see yourself living like this a year from now? 5 years from now? I think you know the decision you’re going to have to make and it’s a good idea to talk it over with your therapist.

But by staying you’re teaching DS that this is what loving adult relationships look like.

Life’s too short
Just leave

Why are you engaging with this Tosser ?

You said you were verbally abusive, were you or was it more, a bear got poked so many times the bear bit back?

This sounds very unhappy, controlling and abusive. I'm sorry you're going through this.

You need to find a solicitor.

I definitely wouldn’t go on that trip. You are not a guest in your family, you are an equal parent to your child or you have no family with that man and your ds has two separate families with you both.

Absolutely agree with the poster stating the behaviour is not good for modelling behaviour to Ds.
I know I am to blame for some of this conflict but this thing about not being allowed to correct or comment on my son whilst out ok s ‘family’ outing is just weird. We have a similar system in place at home as we both parent very different differently when one of us is looking after ds, but this is just really nasty to me and I have no idea why he proposed it. Possibly so that I’d say no snd he could hen say he was tying to do family activities etc. I’ve a good mind to drop out just before but that will upset ds…

Don’t go. This is control again.

Allegations of verbal abuse? Or did you actually verbally abuse him? Is the therapist concerned about the child at all?

@YouCantTourniquetTheTaint - I did call him names and scream at him in front of ds a few timEs. Hé then said I had sn anger management problem which is why I saw our therapist. Therapist has told me that I dint have a problem as such, it is the situation at home which is making me very unhappy snc frustrated (for years) and it is coming out this way

You really need to start putting plans in place to leave. You are clearly really unhappy.

So change the situation.