WWYD online date being very pushy and making me feel uncomfortable!

[Bollocks2Covid]

I’ve been chatting to someone online after meeting them on Bumble about a month ago. Seemed genuinely nice and we had a lot in common but whenever we were going to me up something would always come up. I suggested maybe we leave it until after Xmas now because it’s not convenient and obviously Covid. He then suggested meeting yesterday and despite me saying it wasn’t convenient because I was seeing family he was pushy about it, I said I’d see what I can do. Family were here until 6.30 last night so couldn’t make it. I apologised but was ignored for two hours, then was asked if I wanted a boyfriend of a penpal whatever that means? He wasn’t nasty about it, but when I said a boyfriend he said ‘at least we are on the same page’ and normal conversation ensued.

Now he’s pushing to meet me today. It’s fucking Christmas Eve! It isn’t convenient for me as I have stuff to do! I genuinely don’t know why the hurry?! It’s making me feel so uncomfortable and a bit scared if I’m honest as he has my phone number and although he doesn’t know my address he knows where I live. He’s never given any indication of being dangerous, but he has tried to instigate sexting (don’t worry, not gone there!) with me and constantly tells me how lovely and wonderful I am without even having met me!

The chat is constant, he wants to chat to me constantly and as I’m never done this kind of thing and have been single a long time I just don’t know what’s normal and what’s not?

Any advice greatly appreciated. I don’t want to tell him to fuck off and leave me alone but I fear I’m going to have to if this doesn’t stop.

Why don’t you want to tell him to fuck off and block him? He sounds horrible and only concerned with what he wants. I’m sorry but my first thought was that he’s after sex and when you said he wanted to sext, that just cemented my opinion. You haven’t even met and he’s ignoring you and pushing your boundaries. He’s not worth pursuing. As they say - throw this one back and wait for someone better who won’t make you feel uncomfortable and stressed. You are worth more than this guy.

If he's making you uncomfortable before you've even met then why would you want to carry on with this relationship? Tell him to get stuffed and be glad that you realised what he was like before he became any more involved in your life!

I think you’re just both on completely different pages. He sounds like a mixture of keen on you and horny and this is causing him to act inappropriately. He’s got a point though in asking whether you want a boyfriend or a penpal - to be chatting for a month and not able to find the time to meet up is a bit poor. If you were in a relationship, how would you find the time for someone? Covid is a ridiculous excuse too. If you don’t want to meet him then just tell him and he can put his energy into someone else and you can go back to messaging strangers.

Why are you wasting time on this person? He's already pushing your boundaries and you haven't met him! It won't get any better. Just back away and keep looking.

Block him

Then stop contact, why the hell would you persevere with that?

Tell the horrible bastard to fuck off, in those exact words. This is a sign of things to come. I joined plenty of fish on Monday, by Tuesday my profile was deactivated. This bloke sounds like he has major red flags for a future relationship.
Repeat after me.
"Do fuck off dear"
Blocked.

There's nothing to think about, tell him to fuck off and block him. It shouldn't be this much hard work before you've even met.

You need to block and delete...
Sounds like a predator in the making..

Throw this one back.
I think he's just after a shag.

Surprised you even asking. Why would you want to be treated like this? I’d run a mile .
Don’t worry about what is normal, it’s about what you want and what works for you. But fit what it’s worth I don’t think talking all the time is normal. If it is it’s not a good sign is it? It shows he doesn’t have much of a life, that he’s ( potentially ) obsessive, and to my mind that he doesn’t have a lot of self respect.
He’s not even met you and he won’t take your feelings, wants, needs, desires into account.
Please tell him to fuck off and block him. There are plenty of lovely big hearted men out there, he isn’t one of them.

Tell me who he is lol.. I'll tell him to fuck off for you, with great pleasure.
I'm annoyed for you that he's pushing you and has no respect for any of your boundaries..

Dear god. These are the warning signs. These ate the points you stop having contact with someone. You can see it. Youve identified it. He is pushy, disrespects your boundaries, and has made you feel uncomfortable. Why WHY have you not blocked him already? Send him a message saying this isn't working for you. Them block him. You dont need to see his angry man reply.

Block him immediately. You dont owe him a thing and he's being pushy. Re him having your phone number, he'll still have it in a week, a month, a year. No amount of talking to him will change that and there's nothing he can really do with it either. Just ditch it. If you're new to OLD, block anyone right away that makes you uncomfortable.

block and delete.

you are on a hiding to nothing.

he sounds like a weirdo.

He's probably not single. Wants sexting and probably ahd a good excuse to go out today (xmas shopping) which is why the urgency.

When I was dating there was a similar man. I loked someone else but wanted to keep my options open as it was early days so humoured him. Something came up twice but similarly he would suddenly want to meet during the day. It was so obvious.

Block him and I don't think you need to worry because he won't want whoever he's with knowing about you.

Block delete and move on ,no explanation needed op. Red flags galore, no respect for boundaries at all just me me me . Nope .

I know you are all correct. Honestly in the beginning he seemed really nice, I’d never have given him my number otherwise. @Ohyesiam you are correct in that he doesn’t have much of a life, he has told me as much. He has few friends and his family live miles away. I on the other hand have a close extended family, friends, hobbies etc. My life is actually quite busy when I think about it. I suppose in that way we are very different.

Trust me op. If you date this guy, in a years time you'll be on mumsnet saying you're in an abusive relationship.
Save yourself that.

He sounds like a possible stalker risk.
Whenever a man shows a tendency to act entitled and refuse to listen when you are establishing boundaries it's a very bad sign for how he would act as a partner. Block and move on if you value your safety and peace of mind.

Also maybe get your hands on a copy of "the gift of fear".

" although he doesn’t know my address he knows where I live."

I would never do online "dating" but if I did, I would never tell them where you live - there is no reason for people to ask this and no reason to tell them. Don't wait to be stalked before you learn that one.

Can't you meet a really human in real life instead of this weird crap with a strange man you've never even met? He could be anyone.

I don’t want to tell him to fuck off and leave me alone but I fear I’m going to have to if this doesn’t stop.

Are you sure? I think you do want to tell him just that, but feel socially constrained from letting rip.

From the little you have written about his texting style it's obvious he's a peremptory, entitled bully. That q. about the penpal/boyfriend was downright aggressive, a nasty way of cornering you into being in the wrong ... & the push for sexting from someone you haven't even met - YUCK.
He's not looking for a woman to share his life. He's after a convenient woman-shaped accessory.

If you can't tell him to fuck off it's not a problem. Just text him
"You are being too pushy & it's made me uncomfortable. I no longer want to meet, good luck with other dates." AND BLOCK.

Presto, job done.

I think you need to be in control of your boundaries op and not let this bloke dictate. He's nothing and he's nobody. Be pleased he doesn't have your address.

He sounds like a mixture of keen on you and horny and this is causing him to act inappropriately.

Oh fucking hell, the twat is behaving inappropriately & there is no excuse for it. Nothing "caused" him to bully & harangue OP expect his own entitlement & character defects.

Delete and block.
Get new boundaries