Do you know more or less people that couldn’t have kids after 35?

[Worrier1930]

Basically just panicking. 35 and single. Feel heartbroken so won’t be able to date again for a while. I’m 36 in June. Feeling stressed and sad.

Most of the women I know with children under 18 had them after mid-30s.

Like with the older women I know who had or tried to have them before that age, some had them very easily while others had difficulties.

I suggest you get your fertility checked out. Make sure you don't have anything like a borderline under active thyroid. Ensure you don't have any vitamin deficiencies and engage in very regular exercise. (Try to do something outdoor that men like doing too.)

When dating try not to act desperate but do ask any dates the future family question on the second date. Anyone not interested in starting one within 18 months of finding the right person dump.

The biggest problem with having children late even if you get pregnant quickly is if you want lots of children you are unlikely to have them.

More. I had my last 2 at 37 and 41 (2 weeks off being 42).

Can you look into going it alone?

Less.

I had miy first at 35 and my second at 41. Got pregant again aged 43 but terminated the pregnancy.

It will vary from social group to social group. Of my University friends only one didn't have a child in her 40s but she has a chronic heath issue that is known to impact fertility so they had kids in their early 30s (with no issues). One of those friends had all 3DC in her 40s. I conceived first month of trying with all 3 of mine which I had at 36, 38 and 41. I'm 50 now and was talking to DM about the menopause and hers was at 55 and straightforward. I've got no sign of the menopause yet, but DSis who is 10 years younger is starting to have irregularities but her health isn't as good as mine. So while your mother's menopause can be a indication of when you'll have yours it's not set in stone.

The reality is that 35 is a number beloved of the press but doesn't have much data supporting it, and all modern data is based on people with fertility issues. Since most people use contraception to control their fertility most of us have no idea how many times we could have conceived if we'd had regular unprotected sex from 16 to 50.

But the really important thing to remember is that whether or nor you have children you can have a rewarding and fufilling life. Concentrate on making yourself happy in other ways and if you meet someone and have children that's an adventure and if you don't that's a different adventure.

Most of my friends started having babies 35 plus . They’ve needed ivf. I had ivf for my second. Experienced lots of mcs , not sure if age related or other issue ( probably combination) I know of some conceiving naturally late 30sand early 40s also.
I would definitely have a fertility check up.
Freezing eggs - look at stats as this can have low success rates in 30s, so check with the clinic you go to for fertility checks

'Freeze your eggs' is a phrase thrown around by people who've never tried to. It isn't recommended, or particularly successful at your age and above. What is done is IVF, either with a partner, or donor sperm. Embryos can be frozen.

But do remember that stats on people struggling to conceive older, include all those people who've been struggling for years and are still struggling, while their peers have already succeeded. If you're trying for the first time at age 35-39 and are averagely fertile, you may find you conceive quite easily.

You can go to a fertility clinic and get your eggs counted (painless scan) and blood checked out, if you want facts and reassurance.

At your age, I would give it two years of dating (fairly ruthlessly) but also of getting on with your life, doing things you enjoy and having fun. Because it is a cliche but also true that life often happens while you're trying to do other things and, just because it will make you feel better and more 'you', so you can move forward intact and ready to face the next thing, not drained from the dating battle.

Then I would get ready to think seriously about donor IVF etc and take a year to set those wheels in motion, if that's what you want. (Without dropping out of life or dating). Some people are able to parent alone, others would only ever do it with a partner. Both are normal and good.

Most people I know are just starting to have their children now in their mid 30s. I am mid 30s, I have just had my baby girl after 4 years TTC, 2 miscarriages and 2 IVF transfers. You could be absolutely fine or you could have struggled even if you started trying 5 years ago, it’s impossible to say. The vast majority of women who TTC under age 40 will have success though:

www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/trying-for-a-baby/how-long-it-takes-to-get-pregnant/

“One study found that among couples having regular unprotected sex:

aged 35 to 39 – 82% will conceive after 1 year and 90% after 2 years”

If you have endometriosis, polycystic ovary syndrome, are very overweight, smoke or have had prior pelvic surgery resulting in scarring then the chances of success are reduced to varying degrees. You could also have perfect fertility and have a partner who has sperm issues which could prevent you getting pregnant.

If you have a lot of money freezing your eggs is an option. You will hear that success rates are poor but they’re actually not that bad, if you struggled to conceive naturally they’d give you a better chance of success with fertility treatment. A clinic near me says “Women who are 37 and younger who freeze the recommended 15 to 20 mature eggs from multiple cycles have a 70 to 80 percent chance of taking home a baby. Women who are 38-40 years old who freeze the recommended 25 to 30 mature eggs have a 65 to 75 percent chance of taking home a baby.” Getting your AMH level checked will give you a better idea of how many eggs you might get, a higher AMH would indicate a likelihood of more eggs in fewer cycles. It’s a lot of money, hormones and invasive procedures though for something that most women who TTC under 39 wouldn’t need to use.

More. I had DC at 38, but one friend sadly missed out at 35.

Friend of mine had hers at 45; that's the oldest I know personally. When my half-brother was born, his mum was 42.
I've researched into family history - my family came from London so the records are good. In the olden days before the pill they'd just keep having babies until they couldn't any longer. My ancestors were evidently fertile! Here are some of the ages of my family's last registered births:
My dad's mother: 35
-> Her mother: 39
-->Her grandmother: 46
My dad's father's mother: 47
My mum's mother: 39
-> Her mother: 42

Knowing this history I was quite pleased to get a hysterectomy at 45 just in case!
Maybe do some family research too and see what went on with other women in your family.

I was in your shoes OP. Then found someone and fell pregnant aged 40. Please don’t despair.

I am 36 and currently pregnant. I know plenty of people who have had babies in their late 30s. Oldest was 42. I don't know anyone who couldn't have them, but it's possible that there are plenty of people I know who can't have children but just don't talk about it. Infertility isn't something you commonly see announced on social media.

I know lots of couples who haven't bee able to conceive after 35. However, they all started trying before 35.

I got pregnant first attempt with DD on my 35th birthday! I started trying for my 2nd aged 37 and it took longer. I think it took 7 months and that includes one very early miscarriage. 7 months isn't bad though. Everyone's different. Some struggle to conceive in their 20s, then there are others (like my friend) who fall pregnant in their 40s whilst using contraception! There's definitely hope for you OP. There is time but I to understand the fear.

By the way, I also know someone who had a baby last year aged 51! It was completely natural, no ivf or anything. She wasn't trying to get pregnant and thought she was going through the menopause. Both mother and the now 1 year old boy are fine!

Single mother by choice here.

I was divorced aged 36 and decided to try OLD. To cut a long story short, 2 years later, totally disillusioned/exhausted/depressed by the experience/future fakers/dates with no spark/chemistry etc. It was truly awful and I cried many nights thinking about how I'd missed out on motherhood.

Aged 38/39 I made the decision to go at it alone. Fertility checks revealed that although I had a good ovarian reserve/AMH also good one of my fallopian tubes was blocked. I wouldn't have known this had I not had the HyCosy test. I had no symptoms. And because of this, I was advised to go via the IVF route (I did attempt IUI the previous year). The treatment inc the sperm/IVF medication and the treatment itself cost less than 10k.

I was extremely fortunate, I conceived on the first go of my fresh cycle and have several high quality embryos in the freezer.
Easy pregnancy and a straightforward birth. I was very very lucky.

My little boy is almost a month old and I look at him and can't believe my luck. Yes, I could have continued to date, but there was no guarantee that I would have met anyone I fancy in time/at all. I didn't want to settle. There is no logic to meeting someone, it's timing/coincidence and luck
At 39, it was too much of a risk for me to sit around waiting for this man to appear...you need to decide what's more important, a child or a relationship. The way I see it relationships/men come and go (in my experience) but a child is permanent.

I have y family now. I am no longer feeling empty/unfulfilled/panicked. I'm still open to meeting someone but now the pressure is off to find the man to have a family with.

Most of my friends started having babies around 33-34 but there’s another wave of second and third babies now (we’re all 37-39). I’m TTC our first at 37 and this is my first cycle.

I’ve known two couples to struggle with miscarriages but both now have 2 children or will very soon (she’s 6m gone)

From mine and friends’ experiences I imagine the odds of you being fertile aged 35 are really high, but the odds of you finding someone to fall in love with, establish a relationship, decide to have kids with etc. will take time, so as others have said if motherhood is a priority for you, consider getting an expert opinion and freezing your eggs if viable or going it alone.

Single 40yo wanting to become a single mum by choice via ivf here 👋

If I could go back in time I would start having fertility tests and visiting my obgyn for sure! I'm not saying that your path will be the same as mine, I am saying that you should learn your body it's limitations and plan accordingly. Maybe you find that it's time to freeze a couple of eggs for the future, or maybe you'll find that you've got a huge reserve and that you shouldn't be worrying about it too much. But unless you actually start the investigations you will not know

Plenty of my friends aged 35-43 have had children - myself included. But they often struggle to conceive a second. I’m know a lot of friends that have had IVF and miscarriages etc. I had my 6yo by donor sperm ivf at 38 - he’s the light of my life but parenting alone is hard. I got pregnant with a second at 42 but miscarried - I couldn’t face another round of ivf after it

Yes I had a baby at 40. But.... if doesnt really work at 40 so I would agree if would freeze some eggs now is the time.

I had my first at 29 so I have proven fertility. 29 is a ok to find out you have fertility issues and 40 is not. I had a MC at 43 and I asked I would be older mum giving birth and was told no. But the councilling midwife said she saw no live births at 43 from a 43 year old own eggs. That's the reality. Your eggs can fertilise but they can not cope with IVF.

I easily got pregnant at 40. But that's not true for everyone and I was very lucky.

Mine at 46, 40 and 38, although the last one didn’t survive beyond around 11 weeks.

36 seems pretty young to me.

@Swirlywoo

Most people I know had babies after 35, many end of thirties/early 40s.

Same here, don't panic!! Why not book some ovulation blood tests from your gp for piece of mind

My life was completely different at 35. I was heartbroken too. I then met my lovely DH and gad our daughters aged 38 and 40, been married donkeys years now. I only had one Fallopian tube too after an ectopic many years ago. Try not to worry too much, gently find yourself after the heartbreak, that’s important.