Do you know more or less people that couldn’t have kids after 35?

[Worrier1930]

Basically just panicking. 35 and single. Feel heartbroken so won’t be able to date again for a while. I’m 36 in June. Feeling stressed and sad.

A lot of my friends conceived naturally between 35 and 40. One who has struggled is barely 30. I agree with looking at your mums fertility as an indicator. Freezing your eggs would be a good idea if you can afford it.

I'll speak honestly. I had my baby at 34 and have never been able to have dc2. Sadly, age does affect things biologically. You won't know if you'll be lucky or not. My advice would be to go it alone and do treatment to become pregnant at 36. You can always meet someone later. That's my 2 cents.

More and many
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@Charliealphatangorara

While I don't personally know of anyone who had their kids outside of their twenties, I see daily statistical data through my job that includes the age of women who've just given birth. I'd say around half are over 35.

Sorry, off topic but this blew my mind. You don't know anyone who had kids in their 30s - anyone?! Most of my friends, in their mid-late 30s like me, were born to parents in their 30s in the 1980s and we know women are having children later now. Just curious, not goady, but are many people you know university educated?

Pregnant at 33 with one and then twins at 38, with PCOS and the drugs that make you ovulate.
Best friend pregnant at 38 and 39 with singletons, with fibroids, no help and VERY quickly
Schools friends had them at 34 and 35; 34 and 36; 39. All singletons. First two no help, no idea on last one.

I felt the same at 35 and at 36 started to investigate solo parenthood. My daughter was born on my 40th birthday. It isn’t for everyone but it is working well for us. Happy to answer any questions by PM.

I was 34 and 38 when I had my dc, so I know loads of people who have had them at similar ages. Even with the youngest I wasn't out of place at the school gates.

Lots of people have children in late 30s or even 40s. Could you consider freezing your eggs?

People don't tend to talk about not being able to conceive, or even about miscarriages, except with people they're very, very close to. So none of us is in a position to know how many of our friends have tried and failed.

You'll get the self-selecting positive stories posted.

Having said that, it's really from 40 that fertility drops off a cliff, 35-40 it's reducing but not drastically - on average. So if you're near average or above you'll be ok. If you're unlucky, you might not be.

Had first at 36 with a guy I'd known six months when we got pregnant, about to have second with same guy aged 41. Got pregnant on first attempt both times. Lots of threads on here about women who met partners and had babies aged late 30s or early 40s if you want some reassurance x

I've never really been keen on relationships, so thought kids were off the table, but got pregnant via a one night stand at 36. (Good outcome, she's 7 now, I couldn't be happier).

I had IVF for DC1 at 35/36. My fertility team told me that while I was technically there is a difference as we age they don’t particularly factor age until the mother is over 40. And while that might have just been to comfort me I didn’t see a difference in treatment between me and friends under 35 having IVF.

I’m due soon with DC2. I’m just under 40 and again my age doesn’t seem to have been a factor for consideration.

I would always have been infertile. I could have tried at 16 or 26 or 36 and the same issue would have been found. In general, in your 30’s, age is a complication of infertility, not the cause.

You don’t have decades to play with, but you do have time to get over the breakup and consider your options.

The average age of a first-time mother in the UK is over 30. 35 is not old. I was almost that age when I had my first and was the youngest in my NCT group of 8 mothers, all having their first baby.

However, obviously different people encounter different fertility problems and they do increase in frequency/ head of population as you get older. I think the advice to check your fertility is the best way forward. Information is power, whatever the outcome: much better than living in anxiety and not knowing.

@Charliealphatangorara

While I don't personally know of anyone who had their kids outside of their twenties, I see daily statistical data through my job that includes the age of women who've just given birth. I'd say around half are over 35.

Wow! I can't believe that. I know only two people who had children in their 20s and both made the decision to do that to minimise the risks of specific medical issues that their genetics exposed them to, otherwise they would have waited until much later. It always surprises me how cultural norms can be so different within such a small country, really interesting!

OP, it absolutely might be fine, but I would urge you to get your AMH level checked. Go to a fertility clinic, pay the one-off fee (about £100) and they will tell you whether you have time or not. I assumed I would have time and be fine, went to a fertility clinic at 31 and was told I had a very low AMH for my age and stage 4 endometriosis, which I didn't expect at all because I didn't really have any of the indicators. If that is also the case for you, it's not the end of the world, but it means you should probably try harvesting some eggs now.

Everyone I know had children in their mid - late twenties. I have two friends who tried to get pregnant at 37 and 40 but neither could carry to full term. They didn't know that fertility starts to decline at 30 or that women are born with their eggs.

Most of us had dc between 30 to 40. I do have two friends and one relative of DH who never managed to have dc and one of them started when she was 26.

Problem is these are all different individuals and no in knows how it will, turn out, hence your understandable stress. I got PG first month of trying and had DS at 34.

@lottiegarbanzo that's it potentially loads of women have babies later on easily, but it's a fact the older you get the harder it is, so how long do you leave it. Some women it takes 20 years of trying or never happens so how confident can you be in biology

Depending on your finances and family support at 35 I'd do it alone if I really wanted a DC.
I wouldn't wait to meet someone.
If it happens he'll love both of you but I wouldn't wait if there was no one in the picture.

@Emerald5hamrock

Depending on your finances and family support at 35 I'd do it alone if I really wanted a DC. I wouldn't wait to meet someone. If it happens he'll love both of you but I wouldn't wait if there was no one in the picture.

This is a good point. If you are financially secure then in your situation - if I felt strongly about being a mother - I'd just do that myself now. If you mix up the idea of a having a child with the idea of having a relationship and it then needing to mean settling down very fast and having a family with someone your barely know, in my opinion that is very risky.

Whereas (if you really want a child and are as sure as you can be that you have the financial and emotional means to give them a good life) you could have a child alone. That then takes all of the pressure off dating in terms of timeframes and you can do that at your leisure later if you wish to (although obviously more carefully, because you would have to consider the child as well, and their needs and security).

Don't let men determine your life. But also, make sure you could provide for the chile properly yourself. It is hard being a lone parent - hard physical work and also hard emotionally, being responsible for everything, and hard financially to cover all of the costs alone. So you need to be sure that a child is what you want above all before you decide to so that (you may not even want to 🤷🏻‍♀️). It is an immense amount of sacrifice, being a lone parent, in every way. But if motherhood is what you want then go and get it.

Hi op. Many of my friends had kids post 35. I had 3 kids between the ages 35-40 without really trying.

I only know one who tried and failed. She already had 9yo twins so wasn't childless.

Everyone else has managed it.

Freeze your eggs if you can afford it, just in case you want kids a bit later (thinking 42+). I know many people who conceived no problem within 1-6 months aged 33-41, and a few who have struggled between 35-40 (one took 16 months to conceive, one still hasn't after 12+ months, the 40-yr-old needed to use donor eggs). While fertility goes down with age, for most of those I know who struggled, the cause wasn't age as far as I know, but other health/infertility related issues. You'll unfortunately probably not know which camp you'll fall into until you try.

I conceived first try at 33 and after 3 months at 36 (nearly 37).

I had mine at 45. Maybe don't leave it that late ...

The people I know with fertity issues have been early 30s, so I guess they would have had them regardless. And I know quite a few women who've had kids in their late 30s/early 40s without any struggle.