Antidepressants to take the edge off heartbreak

[Psm92]

I recently went through a devastating breakup and was completely blindsided by it. I have also suffered a pretty big health challenge and some setbacks at work and am really struggling to get past the hopeless catatonic feeling. I miss my ex desperately, and crave the constant support and love he provided. He wasn't a bad person at all so I can't even console myself that I deserve better. I'm finding it really hard to deal with things, even though I am trying to stay engaged and see friends etc.

I know many caution against it but is it likely that antidepressants could take the edge off this deep sadness and just let me function better for a while? I'm not particularly anxious, so it would be just to treat the hopelessly sad/grieving feeling. Thoughts appreciated x

Not sure why people are saying this about situational depression? Is that really the medical advice in the UK? When I went to see my GP years ago after my marriage broke down and I was pretty much convinced the kids would be fine if I was dead, I was put on ADs and it was a huge help. Not to "take the edge" off of anything or "dull my emotions" but to stop me throwing myself under a bus and enable me to continue working and feeding myself and the kids. Speak to your GP, be honest about how you're feeling, and I hope you get a sympathetic ear as that was also a huge help to me at the time - confirmation that I wasn't making a big fuss about nothing.

This is from the NICE website: Antidepressant drugs should not be used routinely in mild depression, and psychological therapy should be considered initially;

Who has diagnosed OP as suffering from mild depression?

OP of course try some. Astonished at the judgemental attitudes on here about ‘toughing it out’. Go to your GP and discuss.

I agree with others - as sad as the things you have/are going through you can't medicalise normal human emotions - it's very tough to come off them as they don't give you any real world coping mechanisms

I can only talk from experience. I just want through a HORRENDOUS period and all MH professionals agreed it was best for me to not take any. I scored super highly in those screening tests, but they agreed it was situational and no medicine in the world would actually make me feel better.

So glad I didn't come on here and tentatively ask about whether I should get help, but instead went to my GP, where I was indeed diagnosed as suffering from more than just mild depression, despite the cause.

The therapy I was also given alongside the medication helped offer coping mechanisms. But another thing that helped was that when I took the medication, I stopped thinking that my kids would be better off without me. That helped me understand that those negative thoughts were not a fact, but were actually due to the depression: without the depression they went away. So instead of just thinking that whatever I did, the situation wasn't going to change, I honestly began to believe that I could feel better if I kept up the therapy.

@Terribleluck

I can only talk from experience. I just want through a HORRENDOUS period and all MH professionals agreed it was best for me to not take any. I scored super highly in those screening tests, but they agreed it was situational and no medicine in the world would actually make me feel better.

So your advice would also be to seek out a mental health professional who can provide a proper diagnosis?

I would always advice for a MH professional over a GP though.

It's not depression, it's withdrawal symptoms. You're coming off the 'drug' of a relationship

@Terribleluck

I would always advice for a MH professional over a GP though.

True, if that's possible at short notice. I guess the UK system is struggling a bit at the moment?

OP I do hope you are "just" feeling sad. But if you're having real difficulty coping, that's what the MH system is there for.

Of course the end of a relationship can be devastating @Psm92 . It can be like a bereavement. Definitely speak to your GP and ask for help.

Plenty of people have done this in the past as a result of the end of a relationship.

Also it's not an either/or- meds (if helpful) and therapy often work best together.

I personally found anti depressants incredibly beneficial (similar to PPs, they stopped me from wanting to kill myself), however I also had therapy at the same time. The ADs helped with the dangerous thoughts, and the therapy helped me learn and build coping mechanisms.

I'm so sorry things are tough :( I'm going through similar and I am seeing a therapist. I also have some mild sleeping tablets but I don't take them often. Strangely, knowing they are there is a comfort incase I do really struggle to sleep. I'd also recommend seeing your GP.

@Itsnotover

I disagree with the negative prejudices that people have about SSRI medications. They can help enormously and make the difference between functioning and not functioning.

@Psm92 I'd suggest you talk to your GP. They will do an assessment to see if SSRIs could be right for you.

I agree with this 100%. Situational depression can lead to clinical depression. I’d definitely speak to your GP xx sorry you’re going through this

@Doona

The thing is, they dull ALL your emotions, and you need your emotions to build your life up again, which you will.

Absolutely this. ADs are like emotional painkillers, they numb everything for a time but they don't heal the wound. Prescriptions have their place and I've taken them, but low moods in reponse to negative life events are totally normal and shouldn't necessarily be medicalised. While awful, they are something we need to work through to ultimately come to terms with and grow from what's happened. Talk to your GP and strongly consider a counsellor. It will get better I promise xxx

Search for IAPT in your area. This is the Improving Access to Psychological Pathway and you can self-refer for counselling. Whilst medication is good for some people. It sounds like this pathway would be more suitable for you especially as it sounds like you emotionally relied on your partner. If you take medication, you are still not resolving the issues that you hold and these will always be there unless you talk to someone about them.

OP, it sounds like you have more than one thing dragging you down. For straight heartache I'd say try to push through, as it is normal and natural to feel pain over that. But with work and health issues too, this sounds like too much to bear on top.

You could try extreme self care first for a couple of weeks, as physically, that would have the benefit of you not having to endure the unpleasant side effects of ADs.

Extreme self care would involve putting aside at least 2-3 hours a day to look after yourself through journalling, meditation, affirmations, long baths with lovely oils, salts or bubbles, gentle yoga sessions. You would need to arm yourself with all your favourite old sit coms/feel good films, escapist novels, soothing upbeat music etc and lose yourself in them. You would get out in nature every day for at least an hour if possible (can be in 2-3 short bursts if work makes it hard to take a whole hour.) Feed the birds, try to catch sunrise or sunset or the golden hour (late afternoon sun). Spend some time focusing on creating a bucket list. Make it projects that involve you and you alone or you and friends/family, not things you had intended to do with your loved one. Start crossing things off your bucket list - plan things, book things, experiment. You could also try and book some free counselling sessions via NHS self referral or some self help on relationship break ups via books or online resources. Also, look up resources online for Self Compassion which help you be kind to yourself when you feel really low about who you are or how your life is going.

That might sound daunting, but even doing small easy steps towards self care will help, such as eating fresh fruit each day or having coffee in the garden to get some fresh air, or slobbing out in front of Frazier reruns or doing a 5 minute yoga with Adriene stretch online. It's important to to acknowledge that you are bothering to take care of yourself.

I'd chat with your GP and ask for a fast acting AD (so, not Prozac!) such as Citalopram or Sertraline, for a 2-3 month stint to give you breathing space. Expect to feel unpleasant physical side effects at first and watch out - they can leave you absolutely shattered with sleepy exhaustion.

I hope you are able to be kind to yourself and take the steps you need to start feeling better.

There has been research showing that paracetamol not only treats physical pain but also emotional pain. Perhaps you could enquire about that before you go down the route of antidepressants.

I completely empathise, as I could have written your post three years ago.

I was exactly where you are, for the same reasons.
I took anti depressants for a period of time, and the best way I can describe it is 'lifting the fog'.

It didn't stop me feeling sad in any way, but they enabled me to function a little better during those dark, dark times.

PM me if you want to talk or have questions.

It really depends on how extreme what you're experiencing is, if its stopping you functioning on a basic level then its absolutely worth seeking help from the gp.

I've had situational depression three times now at the end of relationships - during the worst period of it I was not eating at all by the end and was sleeping 22 hours a day. I forced myself to go to the GP because I knew any longer and I might not be able to make it, I was signed off work while the ADs started to work.

"Situational depression" is not necessarily the same as "you got dumped and are a bit sad", for some people ADs are absolutely necessary.

It can't hurt to talk to your GP about how you are feeling (if you can get an appointment) but from my personal experience of LTR break up that I found totally overwhelming to the point of getting stuck in my grief was counselling through Relate. You can go on your own and it was a life saver for me. It helped me navigate through the grief in the early days, it set me up for a strong recovery and finally when I was ready to date again - I was a completely different person - strong, confident and resilient.

I thoroughly recommend it.

ps. I would also recommend this book

You cannot quantify, how much pain someone will be in after a relationship breakdown. Sometimes time and length of relationship does not always equal the ammount of pain you will be in.

Talk to your gp.

Absolutely yes.

A small dose for a few months will help you through. I talk from experience, got me through dark days, cleared my head and thoughts and took the edge off. They were anti anxiety so that might be better for you xx