Ds birthday ruined by his dad. Feeling so annoyed.

[roseonrye]

My ds has been so excited for his birthday just like most children. I've spent weeks trying to plan him a lovely day and all it's took is one person to ruin it all.

My ds woke up happy yesterday and opened his presents. His dad ( cannot even call him dp as I'm so annoyed) sat watching, happy to begin with. Once presents were open his dad began making comments about the price of things. I told him we will talk about it in private and explained everything was in some sort of sale and I spent around £150 in total. That is an amount we decided on.

Then I invited a friend of ds and their mum over. His dad knew they were coming. He sat looking pissed off the whole time they were there. He cracked the odd joke and thought that was enough. I made a party lunch for them with some cakes, crisps, sandwiches etc.

After they left his dad began moaning that I've let our kids eat too much crap and now they will be hyper all day. ( They we're actually fine and much better behaved than he had been) Also complaining the guest stayed too long and he feels stressed out about the mess everywhere. I explained that ds can keep his presents downstairs on his birthday and tomorrow he will put them in his room. Also complaining he has a headache as the music we used for party games was too lively

To cut a very long story short, he spent the whole day moaning and complaining about something. His excuse was that birthdays can be overwhelming as they disrupt the routine. I snapped back saying that the children haven't been overwhelmed and as a grown man he shouldn't be either.

After ds went to bed last night, I cried. I cried as I was sad for ds who had been looking forward to this day for ages. His birthday was a Saturday so was so excited he had no school and dad would be home.

I cried because I was annoyed at his dad. Really annoyed that after many attempts to tell him he still continued to moan and complain. I haven't listed all of it here as I would be all day, but it was constant.

I don't know how to approach things today. I'm still really annoyed but as the dc are home now I don't have any time to properly discuss this with him.

This would annoy you all too, wouldn't it?

Well now you have both acknowledged that his behaviour changes around specific events. Ahead of Christmas, choose a good moment, with the DC in bed, to discuss how you both want the day to go and how he can manage his behaviour.
Have you told him that DS was upset by his moaning and that it spoilt the day somewhat for him? He should be aware of the impact on his family and that as an adult, he needs to take responsibility on how to avoid repeat performances in future, or he’ll jeopardise his role in the family.

If he doesn't like mess or delayed chores then why the fuck doesn't the asshole wash the dishes or whatnot? Is he going to dissolve if he does them?

Somehow I bet most of this would have been acceptable on his birthday.

My ex was like this with any day not centred around him. He ruined so many special things I can't even count.
He's undiagnosed but I'm sure he's a narcissist not that I like to throw that word around.
He's no longer around.
I cannot wait for Christmas

Is it a change in routine he doesn't liked or is it because all the attention so elsewhere?

Maybe he is ND but that’s not a reason to be a dick on your child’s birthday. I’m ND and I know these things will be horrible for me, usually resulting in me having a terrible headache and feeling sick but I prepare myself, take paracetamol, slap a smile on my face and fake it until it’s over then I sit in silence in a dark room for hours to get over it.