Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Covid causing relationship problems.

79 replies

MariaSummers · 18/12/2021 16:31

I am really worried about how the last couple of years has affected my relationship with my husband. I wondered if anyone else had found this.

I am much more inclined to be very cautious covid wise and it is causing a lot of conflict. This week my husband has developed cold symptoms including coughing quite a lot in the evenings and at night. He refused to take a day off work for a PCR but did take lateral flows each day which were negative. I persuaded him to take a PCR on his way home from work yesterday and we are still waiting for the results.

My son had a football match this morning and was desperate to play. Previously I have not allowed him to do so if any of us are waiting for results. (I know the rules permit him to play but it seems selfish to me). I was really convinced the results would come through any minute as all our other results have been quick, including one for a close contact the previous day and so made the deal with him that we would head off to his game but not go anywhere near anyone unless we are received the negative result on time. Unfortunately we did not and so he did not play. When I explained what had happened to my husband he was furious. He thinks I am being ridiculous and should not have mentioned it to anyone and just let him play. He has yelled at me and accused me of only being interested in covid and loving the current situation. It couldn't be further from the truth. I hate everything about the way we are living at the moment, not least walking on eggshells trying to appease different people with different views. I have tried to be more relaxed about my personal rules lately as he is struggling quite a lot with his mental health, but I can't abandon my principles entirely. He thinks I am the only one behaving this rigidly so I am just looking for a bit of perspective really. What would others have done in this situation?

OP posts:
Fireflygal · 18/12/2021 18:32

Just because people don't agree with you doesn't make them unpleasant. The consensus is most people would have taken your husband's side.

Just take that onboard and be open minded and consider your husband's views.
If lft are negative then chances are it's just a cold. We are in the season of coughs and colds so it's to be expected.

lonelySam · 18/12/2021 21:22

Your anxiety is causing problems, not covid. (well, at least not in the example you described).

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/12/2021 21:28

This government scaremongering has so much to answer for.

oftenbaffled · 19/12/2021 08:43

I often find this with those hyper anxious about covid and putting their own stricter interpretation on guidance... they are quick to flare up in defence and flounce when people don't agree with them

WatieKatie · 19/12/2021 11:09

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation couldn’t agree more. My Mum is absolutely terrified to leave her house. She is in her mid 70s, no underlying health issues and triple jabbed. It’s so sad to see her spend her precious years imprisoned at home alone.

IgneousRock · 19/12/2021 11:14

I support following the rules, but not making up your own additional rules. So I would have let DS play.

Dozer · 19/12/2021 11:19

Your H was U not to get a PCR test sooner.

You were U not to let your DC play football.

Dozer · 19/12/2021 11:20

And you say you’ve done this multiple times, despite your H’s disagreement. That’s not on.

supersonicginandtonic · 19/12/2021 11:53

You're poor children are suffering because you will not sort out your anxiety. Which is very very selfish and unfair. I have anxiety but it's under control with medication, j don't project it onto my children.
Your utter selfishness will begin affecting your sons mental health and don't be surprised if he gets thrown off his football team due to his mum consistently not letting him play. My brother still plays for his team and he is ECV for 3 different reasons.

MichelleScarn · 19/12/2021 16:18

@Hen20185 that's absolutely awful, the fear of this is much much higher for me than covid.

BasicDad · 19/12/2021 16:24

Adding additional personal contingency is a common thing amongst anxious people. My dad is very similar. He's old and my mum is vulnerable though.

Your DH is well within his right to be fuming at you though.

Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails · 19/12/2021 16:41

No, I don't think he is right to be fuming with you. Or yelling at you, that's horrible. This hopefully will die down soon, but we are back into unprecedented times with omicron. Riding out this season with a bit more caution is doable. Unfortunately I do know a teenage boy who died of covid. No underlying health conditions. Sometimes there is no need to roll the dice.

User310 · 19/12/2021 16:49

Oh OP, I too suffer with anxiety but I really think this is a step too far. I understand you were trying to do the right thing but your decision was quite irrational given he had negative LFT’s and we are in flu/cold season whereby most people are going to have COVID symptoms. Let other people decide if they want to take the risk, let your children live their lives.

oftenbaffled · 19/12/2021 16:50

@Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails

No, I don't think he is right to be fuming with you. Or yelling at you, that's horrible. This hopefully will die down soon, but we are back into unprecedented times with omicron. Riding out this season with a bit more caution is doable. Unfortunately I do know a teenage boy who died of covid. No underlying health conditions. Sometimes there is no need to roll the dice.
I suspect that he was at the end of his tether And seeing his son miss out. Again. Was straw that broke the camel,s back
2022willbebetter · 19/12/2021 17:00

If you're still reading OP, in Scotland your son would not have been allowed to play football as the whole household has to isolate until the negative test results are in.

So your position is not as unreasonable as others are making it out to be.

Covid has been really hard on everyone. But as I have Covid right now I wouldn't wish it upon anyone either, double jabbed and a 'mild' case. Really quite nasty.

KilmordenCastle · 19/12/2021 17:03

If my DH started making up his own covid rules and imposing them on us to the the point that one of my dc's missed out then I'd be livid. Sorry OP but YABVU

Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails · 19/12/2021 17:05

You say 'again' as if she has listed umpteen times of cancelled things, when all she said was if someone in the home was awaiting results then they all waited.

sausagepastapot · 19/12/2021 17:08

I'm 100 with your husband. You'd annoy me. Take a chill pill.

oftenbaffled · 19/12/2021 17:11

* . I have tried to be more relaxed about my personal rules lately as he is struggling quite a lot with his mental health*

Would certainly indicate this definitely isn’t a one off!

Luredbyapomegranate · 19/12/2021 17:38

There’s no reason your son couldn’t have played.

It sounds like your anxiety is out of control OP, or something like that. I’m sure you aren’t loving the situation, so explain that to your husband and figure out how you can work on the anxiety.

LethargicActress · 19/12/2021 17:41

If you’re going to make up your own rules over and above the restrictions that we've already had to deal with, you can’t be surprised when people get annoyed at you going over the top.
I agree with your husband and it was unfair of you not to let your son play football. You should be encouraging him to do things like that!

Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails · 19/12/2021 17:54

Would you have yelled at her?

Receptionclass · 19/12/2021 17:59

Let the poor sod play football while he can. The last two seasons have been disrupted and this one probably will. Our kids have already had a large portion of their childhoods robbed.

oftenbaffled · 19/12/2021 18:13

If my partner had multiple times applied her own interpretation of guidance resulting in my child missing out on an extra curricular activity that they enjoyed (and that had been closed on government advice for best part of a year of so)

Then yes… I probably would yell in absolute frustration

Sugarntailsnluvlyspicysnails · 19/12/2021 20:38

You'd have shouted at your partner? I find that upsetting. The op is trying to keep her family safe, maybe ott, maybe not.

The rules that are in place right now aren't strict enough according to sage. The reason for leniency is because Boris wants us not to feel aggrieved that he partied whilst telling us not to and because he doesn't want to spend the cash to help.