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Original poster

Age gaps.......I know the answer but

98 replies

Blushingm · 16/12/2021 00:53

Please tell me 18 years is too much of an age gap!

I wish it wasn't but I think it is. I really like him but I really think he's too young

OP posts:
GrandmasCat · 20/12/2021 01:10

My neighbour had a similar gap with her husband, the older they got the wider the differences became, especially after menopause. He is still at his prime, looking very young and now married to a woman his age, while my neighbour looks the age of his mum and has been on her own since they split.

Don’t waste what may be your last yearsof youth in a relationship with a kid who will leave given time. Find someone you can grow old with.

MarchingOnTogether · 20/12/2021 01:12

I'm 42, my OH is 25. We've been together 6 years. When I met him he was 19 and I was 36, I never really expected it to go anywhere because of the age difference but it actually works well. We now have a house together and my kids adore him.
Hes not like other men his age though, he left home at 16 and moved countries at 18 so he's much more independent and mature than some men twice his age.
At the end of the day, if he makes you happy then go for it, you might get a few raised eyebrows but so what?

ClaryFairchild · 20/12/2021 01:20

At 43 I would have felt fine, and not too old, but 10'years on, even the thought of dating a 35 year old exhausts me.

ScottishAngryBird · 20/12/2021 01:24

I also think it depends on what you want from him, is it going to be a serious thing or is it going to be more casual. I haven’t read all the posts so excuse me if you’ve already said so, but is he over 30, because imo then if he is under 30 then he is gonna he immature and this could well cause some issues. If he is over 30 then dive right in!!

Diana8 · 20/12/2021 01:31

@Blushingm

25 & 43

I thought he was older at first, I was Shockwhen he said 25

I am 14 years older than my husband of 21 years. He has been an absolute joy,
When menopause hit me at 51, he was still a beautiful, energetic and young 37 year old man. I spend years of nights sleeping in a different room, having constant sweats and palpitations, developed severe vaginal atrophy, no sex drive, thin grey hair, etc etc and my beauty vanished completely in 4 years.
It's a miracle it hasn't split us up, but we are together.

Bear in mind menopause. I look at my lovely husband who still looks so shiny and new, and think I am taking his best years with not ,much back to offer except perhaps some wisdom. I am shot physically, although mentally, I am sharp.

18 year age gap? No way.

And - I do think it's different the other way round. I had a partner off 44 when I was 22. No problem about maturity etc, except that he didn''t ever want to get married or have kids- -he felt he was past that stage- so it didn't last as I didn't want that decision being made for me so young. Different life stages - again.

Pinkbonbon · 20/12/2021 01:38

Tbf though, what are the chances of ANY relationship lasting 20 odd years?

Several years and an ending on good terms is surely not a bad run. Let alone more then that.

Nothing lasts forever.

Unless op us still looking to have kids and he doesn't want any any time soon - then why not just go for it?

I don't understand the 'you'll be much older looking' argument as chances are you wont still be together in 5 years, let alone 20. And the same could be said of any relationship. Chances are that if you are only 40 something then 95% they will end before one of you dies...or even reaches old age.

AlternativePerspective · 20/12/2021 07:55

I'm 42, my OH is 25. We've been together 6 years. When I met him he was 19 and I was 36, I never really expected it to go anywhere because of the age difference but it actually works well. We now have a house together and my kids adore him. if a 36 year old came preying on my 19 year old I would hit the fucking roof.

Power imbalance much?

DillonPanthersTexas · 20/12/2021 08:02

Have a fling but I think you are insane to consider a long term relationship

5128gap · 20/12/2021 09:20

@EightWheelGirl

Not to be harsh, but when he’s 40 you’ll be pushing nearly 60. And men tend to age better than we do IMHO.
You think? That's certainly not my experience. I think most middle aged men look and act much older than their same age partners, and are significantly less attractive. If the average older woman wants a partner on a par with her for attractiveness and energy she needs to go at least a decade younger. Preferably more!Grin
PinotPony · 20/12/2021 14:01

I find it interesting that society says we, as women, need to find someone "to grow old with". Why? I have enough family and friends to keep me company as I get older. Why do I need a man living with me? I did what society told me for 20 years, married, had kids and it ended in divorce. Now I'm doing it MY way.

I disagree that men age better than women. Yes, some men improve with age but there's an awful lot of middle aged men who turn into Homer Simpson. Most of my 40-something female friends, who are still attractive, active and fit, are having fun dating younger men, having divorced the lazy husband who sat in front of the tv scratching his bollocks every evening.

Original poster
Blushingm · 20/12/2021 16:32

These posts are making me feel so much better - thank you! I suppose in my head like many of you if it was the other way around I wouldn't have thought so much of it

OP posts:
Gloriagayn · 20/12/2021 19:09

For me it’s a big age gap.

GrandmasCat · 20/12/2021 19:47

Mind you, it is the bloody menopause that is a killer… I was very proud of my youthful looks until it hit me. I used to look ten years younger than my partner and I now look much older than him, but it is not just the looks, there he is thinking of doing this and that when I cannot even remember where I left my keys.

He is less than a year older than me.

GrandmasCat · 20/12/2021 19:52

Most of my 40-something female friends, who are still attractive, active and fit, are having fun dating younger men, having divorced the lazy husband who sat in front of the tv scratching his bollocks every evening.

To be honest, divorce is quite rejuvenating. Both for men as for women.

5128gap · 20/12/2021 20:01

@AlternativePerspective

I'm 42, my OH is 25. We've been together 6 years. When I met him he was 19 and I was 36, I never really expected it to go anywhere because of the age difference but it actually works well. We now have a house together and my kids adore him. if a 36 year old came preying on my 19 year old I would hit the fucking roof.

Power imbalance much?

19 is very young granted. But I do take issue with the idea that older women 'prey' on younger men. Where theres a man and a woman, its almost never the man who is the prey, regardless of age. If you went out and about as an attractive older woman, you'd very quickly see how its the young men who drive it, and very pushy they are too. I'm sure a lot of their mums would be very surprised to see them in action.
NynaeveSedai · 20/12/2021 20:02

I guess if you just want a shag it's ok, he's not a teenager, but you could literally be his mum. I couldn't do it.

NynaeveSedai · 20/12/2021 20:03

@AlternativePerspective

I'm 42, my OH is 25. We've been together 6 years. When I met him he was 19 and I was 36, I never really expected it to go anywhere because of the age difference but it actually works well. We now have a house together and my kids adore him. if a 36 year old came preying on my 19 year old I would hit the fucking roof.

Power imbalance much?

Yep This is grim for sure
RainbowBabyForChristmasPlease · 20/12/2021 20:08

We have an 18 year age gap between us. Doesn't bother either of us

GrandmasCat · 20/12/2021 20:14

If you went out and about as an attractive older woman, you'd very quickly see how its the young men who drive it, and very pushy they are too. I'm sure a lot of their mums would be very surprised to see them in action.

You would be surprised. You just need a walk around my city’s centre to realise how sexually aggressive middle aged —drunk— women can be towards attractive young males. I remember someone mentioning at work that if these women had been men behaving like that towards women they would be arrested. I thoroughly agree with that.

ElectraBlue · 20/12/2021 20:19

Fine for a short fling, heartache almost guaranteed if you are thinking serious relationship.

Personally I don't see what a 25 year old and a 43 year old would have in common. You are at completely different stages of your life.

There is something a bit selfish in this too. A young person should be hanging out with their peers and experiencing life and having fun, not dating someone who is middle- aged.

He is also likely to want kids and that might be an issue. Your own kids also will find this odd.

I find it silly and a bit creepy when men end up with women half their age so it is equally odd for me when a woman does it. Sorry.

BellsaRinging · 20/12/2021 20:21

I dunno...there was 30 year between my sister and her partner....they're split now but we're together for over 20 years and that's pretty good going. And there is a woman at work whose husband is 25 years her junior and they are blissful and have been for years. She's just 60.
So it can happen but I'd say it's hard and you have to be very committed.

5128gap · 20/12/2021 20:32

@NynaeveSedai

I guess if you just want a shag it's ok, he's not a teenager, but you could literally be his mum. I couldn't do it.
And if she were the same age she could literally be his sister! But she's neither. She isn't related to him in anyway. And presumably has the imagination and emotional intelligence to be able to interact with another adult without defining the relationship in terms of familial roles.
Original poster
Blushingm · 21/12/2021 01:02

We've actually found we've got quite a lot in common - sane music tastes, find the same things funny, im probably a little younger than my peers in my outlook and I think he's a bit more mature - he's not one for getting pissed up, doing a few lines of Coke and ended up in a lap dancing club

OP posts:
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