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Original poster

Age gaps.......I know the answer but

98 replies

Blushingm · 16/12/2021 00:53

Please tell me 18 years is too much of an age gap!

I wish it wasn't but I think it is. I really like him but I really think he's too young

OP posts:
Allsortsofroses · 16/12/2021 14:15

I find young men who aren't bothered about kids often change their mind when when get older (young women too for that matter).

The successful age gap relationships with older woman often seem to be were both partners already have kids from a previous relationship, or where the woman is still capable and willing to have kids/more kids eg Sam Taylor thingy, Lisa Bonnet (though not big age gap in latter case).

If not the case, you often see a Demi Ashton situation, which can be heart breaking for the woman.

Or it doesbt even last that long because he had the relationship as an experience and then moves on to women closer to his age.

As another poster said, fling - yes.

Relationship , hmm.
Unless you're happy knowing its unlikely to be a lasting one.

Allsortsofroses · 16/12/2021 14:19

I would also add that the examples of Barbada Windsor, Joan Collins etc, it's significant that they have/had more money than their partner's. They provided them with a lifestyle they were unlikely to have otherwise.... that's important to some people. Not saying they don't/didn't fancy them or like them (attractive women with great verve), just thsf the lifestyle provided is perhaps part of it.

furbabymama87 · 16/12/2021 14:36

I think it's too much. I know someone who used to see a woman in her late 40s when he was 25, he used to have a good laugh about her and called her names, tongue in cheek.

Notonthenewrug · 16/12/2021 15:48

I'm torn really. On average I would say the chances are that it won't work out. However, it depends on what life stages you are both at. Do you want the same things in life (with regards to children, marriage, property, travel etc). If you really like one another then there is no harm in taking it slow and seeing where it goes.

I wouldn't dare a man 18 years younger than me. However I'm quite insecure and would worry about always looking older than him. Ironically though I'm in a relationship with a man 17 years older than me. He's 52 and I'm 35. Ive always been attracted to older men. I will say that in the 5 years we've been together, I've definitely noticed him age a lot more appearance wise (hair, weight gain etc) however I find him very physically attractive and it doesn't bother me. Physically he has some health issues but then he's just unlucky and it's not just an age thing. However, I'm a busy and active 35 year old and definitely feel at times that I wish I was with someone more active. What worked for us as despite our age, we were at similar life stages. We both have an older child of similar age and both wanted another (now have a 2 year old). Luckily neither of us want more children, so that's not an issue. I do sometimes worry though that as we get older the age difference will be more apparent. Also I get sad sometimes, I was thinking the other day about our family Xmas and realised that the chance of my partner being around when our DS is his age is pretty much zero (unless he lives until over 100)

5128gap · 16/12/2021 16:16

@furbabymama87

I think it's too much. I know someone who used to see a woman in her late 40s when he was 25, he used to have a good laugh about her and called her names, tongue in cheek.
What an unpleasant man. Unfortunately I've known a few who have a laugh at women their own age, and call them names too. Luckily by the time we reach a certain age we tend to have more experience in spotting them.
clarepetal · 16/12/2021 16:29

Do it, if you get on,why not?

Original poster
Blushingm · 16/12/2021 17:36

Thank you - it's refreshing that the majority of you say just have fun and that it's not 'grim'

And my eldest is a DS rather than a DD

OP posts:
CakesOfVersailles · 16/12/2021 20:21

Sorry OP, don't know why I wrote daughter and not child.

Your man and your son could be brothers.

Nanny0gg · 16/12/2021 21:16

@Blushingm

Please tell me 18 years is too much of an age gap!

I wish it wasn't but I think it is. I really like him but I really think he's too young

Don't do it.

Might be ok now, but in 20 years time. not so much...

Wannabegreenfingers · 19/12/2021 09:21

A fling, go for it. Long term would be a no from me. I've seen many an age gap relationship, it's not now, it's down the line when the older partner gets 'old'. My auntie bitterly regretted her age gap relationship, nursing an old man in her prime.

PinotPony · 19/12/2021 18:09

My DP of two years is 18 years younger than me. He's 29, I'm 47. My children are 16 and 12.

I say go for it! Life is very short and I'm a firm believer in doing what makes you happy now. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow..!

I always joke with DP that we won't last... that I'm helping him become the perfect husband for his future wife... that he is paying a student loan while I'm planning my pension...

But he makes me happy. I love his energy, his enthusiasm for life, his kindness. Who knows what the future holds for us but, for the here and now, it works perfectly. 🥰

TheCreamCaker · 19/12/2021 19:01

My son had a relationship with a woman 27 years older. (older than me) He was 23, she was elegant, slim, attractive, etc at 50. They lived together for 8 years, got a mortgage, etc., until he realised they didn't have much in common and they split.

Dodie66 · 19/12/2021 19:06

My son was 25 when he moved to the USA and get married. His wife is nearly 20 years older than him. They have been together 22 years now and still very much in love. He says she is his soul mate

drpet49 · 19/12/2021 19:28

I wouldn't, especially as you have a 19 year old daughter

^This. Can you imagine meeting his 25 year mates? Too big an age gap.

Pinkbonbon · 19/12/2021 20:32

I think 25 and 43 is fine personally. Have at it. Just be aware that it probably won't be a forever thing. But then, very few relationships are. Have at it.

If he was 35 with no kids then I'd say to avoid as he may be getting to the age where he is starting to think about them. But 25...have fun!

Gensola · 19/12/2021 20:41

My DH is 55 and I’m 36 - we are very happy 😊 both been married before so we know what being unhappy looks like and life is too short. Go for it - who knows if it will last or not, have fun with him and see where it goes.

Dindundundundeeer · 19/12/2021 20:41

I find it weird, but that just me. If you like him go for it.

Would you DS have a view? There’s a big MILF joke here …

PermanentTemporary · 19/12/2021 20:42

I've had immense fun having flings with younger men with 10 to 22 year gaps. And I've seen a marriage with an 18 year age gap (older woman, younger man) do as well as most for ten years or so.

As time goes on, however, there have been really significant issues coming out, and although they're individual problems, there are some age angles too - the reactions of each person in the marriage are inevitably affected by their ages.

I think it's not grim, but it's not nothing either. Tread carefully if it goes beyond a hot fling (but damn, enjoy the heat for all you're worth).

EightWheelGirl · 19/12/2021 20:43

Not to be harsh, but when he’s 40 you’ll be pushing nearly 60. And men tend to age better than we do IMHO.

Terminallysleepdeprived · 19/12/2021 20:55

My exh was 23 years older than me. I was 25 he was 48 when we got together. Admittedly I didn't know how much older he was when we first started dating. I was friends with his sisters who were 38 and 41 at the time. We were together for 8 years married for 2. Our split and divorce was nothing to do with the age gap. He had massive hang ups after his ex cheated and pretty much held me hostage after we got married. I demanded we divorced after he attacked me.

Current dp is 12 years older (have a thing it seems) we are head over heels. Marriage down the line is likely. We have a great relationship.

If it is new then see where it goes. Don't try and plan anything just see how things roll

TrishM80 · 20/12/2021 00:27

The woman 18 years older than the man is ridiculous in my opinion. Works OK the other way.

Pinkbonbon · 20/12/2021 00:41

@TrishM80

The woman 18 years older than the man is ridiculous in my opinion. Works OK the other way.
Why do you think that? Maybe you should ask yourself.

Maybe because of societies ingrained mysoginy. Too many Hollywood films telling us that young women should be with much older men...and that women spontaneously combust into ashes and disappear before they hit 40...or worse, are only suitable as grandmother like figures.

25 is a grown man, 43 is a grown woman, they like eachother, so what's the problem? Why is it OK for a guy and not a woman? Probably just because you've seen the former more and so feel OK with it. If you say more older women dating younger men you would consider it more socially acceptable.

Pinkbonbon · 20/12/2021 00:42

*if you see more

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 20/12/2021 00:54

I'm the same age as you and I wouldn't but my eldest is 26

DartmoorChef · 20/12/2021 01:00

Been with my DP for 8 years. He was 30 and I was 43 when we got together. Still very happy.