Each year I simmer in resentment around this time of year as all the mental load of Christmas falls to me. And then he has the audacity to tell me it's my "turn" to do elf on the shelf on alternate nights to him.
He hasn't thought of, bought, budgeted, wrapped a single present. He looks bored each time I involve him in a conversation about it. I've sorted out all of the school related Christmas stuff- jumper day, Christmas raffles, cards, teacher presents, returned all the reply slips around school nativities, nativity costumes. But if I try to talk to him about any of this, he's completely disinterested. I feel alone in it all- in all the drowning work of everything.
He was very vocal in arranging a boxing day party for our families, but planning the food and inviting people has all fallen to me. Engaging him in conversation around the planning is an errand in itself too. Visits to see Santa, friend meet ups have all fallen to me. So the one thing I refuse to do is to think or buy for his family. He hasn't even started yet, but that's his problem.
I work for myself so Christmas is a lonely build up for me as there are no office buffets, christmas nights out or drinks in the pub. He seems to just attend event after event, soaking up the good bits of Christmas like a big selfish manchild.
I know as a society, we joke about men's contribution to the Christmas load. I'm seeing memes on social media all the time. But I'm actually learning that it's not a "man thing" at all, it's a "selfish man thing." After speaking to friends, their husbands have been involved in present planning, they have been Christmas shopping with them, some of them have even been Christmas shopping on their own for their kids. Other couples seem so much more of a team than we are, even when the female takes on the bulk of the load.
I'm sharing my observations and am interested in other people sharing their balance. Each year he tells me that he will take more on, but each year, he moans about how busy he is at work and is seemingly unable to juggle anything else. To top it all off, I am able to work from home, so during all of this, I've had my kids at home with me whilst working for days since September as they have picked up every illness going, whilst he just flounces off to work.
Perceptions of his family don't help. I mentioned infront of his mum and sister that he leaves everything to me and I was told it's a "man thing." It's not though, particularly when you then learn that it's FIL who orders the DCs Christmas presents each year and not MIL!!