What woman does this

[Joeynelson]

8 years ago the great friends husband died and I spent over a year putting her life back together along with supporting her four children.
But then as a widow she crossed far too boundaries with my husband. I felt uncomfortable and I knew she wanted him. He knew I was not happy with her behaviour.
we are now recently separated and not even divorced and guess what the two of them are already dating
he has even told my children I am absolutely sickened and I don't want him but I just wanna know what kind of woman behaves like that after everything. It repulses me and it plays mind games in my head. I'm appalled. He always denied having feelings for her but OMG. seriously??
Rebound? He did not want the marriage to end and he loved me.
How can I process the behaviour of both of them?? Please give me advice. I can't stop him from having relationships but seriously her?

@Joeynelson

I’m not angry and he’s welcome to move on. It’s the other woman that just grates and hurts. She has crossed a line and it s a horrible feeling as we were such close friends and all I gave to support her. That’s all…

Why are you more upset with ‘the other woman’ (technically, just ‘his partner’, as you’re no longer together) than you are with the man who pledged to love you, but has treated you so poorly? She’s crossed a line, but you’re not angry and he’s welcome to move on?

Sorry, but what? I think you may be focussing on the wrong person.

Thank you!

Am I seething? Or asking for support?

@MeSanniesareBrannies You've missed the point, she's angry at her former friend who she supported through a shitty time and she is asking for advice on how to process the friends betrayal.

That's allowed. You are allowed to be fucked up by a friends shitty behaviour toward you.

OP I genuinely understood your post as asking for support, it's crazy how everyones come on to tell you your ex is a cunt when you clearly already know that and have dealt with it.

@lilmishap I understood her post. She’s ‘allowed’ to think whatever she wants. And I’m ‘allowed’ to think her anger is misdirected. She posted here for opinions and she’s received mine. Which isn’t the same as yours. Shock, horror.

@MeSanniesareBrannies

Yes you are 'allowed' to voice your opinion and state that op is wrong to be angry at the friend but you would be thought of as lacking in empathy, understanding and shallow. My opinion.
I wouldn't be your friend with views like that.

Op, you are very valid in your anger towards your friend and your ex.

This friend who has probably over the years listened to your marriage problems and now is in close proximity with the very man you sought support over from your friend. They both know your secrets.
It's horrible to think they now are friends, allies and lovers, nobody in their right mind would like it.

By the sounds of it you have been gaslighted for years by your ex, don't let others bully and gaslight you.
You are right, stand up tell the friend to get lost and don't be there when the relationship ends .

She's a snake and he's a ....

Be confident in your views, I agree 100% and so do others.

@Onthedunes Allowed is in quotes as it’s the term used by the person to whom
I was initially replying. Do please keep up.

I have no desire to be your friend and no interest in your opinion, which is why I haven’t asked for it. Unlike OP, I’m not canvassing for anyone’s thoughts.

If your interpretation of what I wrote is that OP shouldn’t be angry with her friend, then your reading comprehension is somewhat subpar. However, I consider the decision to focus said anger on the woman as opposed to her partner wrongheaded at best and misogynistic at worst. To ask why she’s doing so isn’t gaslighting (learn what that term means before you use it), bullying or shallow. And I genuinely don’t care if you disagree with me. Your opinion doesn’t interest me at all.

What a grotty pair. At least they deserve each other.

In time you will feel better to be free of them both.

And I’m ‘allowed’ to think her anger is misdirected

If your interpretation of what I wrote is that OP shouldn’t be angry with her friend, then your reading comprehension is somewhat subpar

Thanks, anyway ....

Op you know what's happening, many others just don't understand what it's like to have lived with a narcissist.

For those who think op chose to leave and start a new life by choice, you are mistaken.

She HAD to leave for her own sanity and health. Op probably loved him very much, she never wanted this ending to her marriage, it was foisted upon her by extremely bad behaviour from him.

This where the danger lies, for a woman to escape a narc and go NC before the narcissist has decided to end it himself and discard her is one of the hardest and bravest things to do.

He will punish her for this, there are many ways to do so, financially, physically, mentally and this can also be done by proxy.
He is using this friend to help smear the op.

He hasn't fallen in love with her, he loves only himself, he has done this to cause pain and confusion. He will lovebomb this friend and get her to do his dirty work, the friend will tell others how sweet, kind, and adorable he is and completely incapable of hurting or harming anyone.

Anything that op has confided to her friend at this point has been dispelled by him, she will tell others she has been decieved by op's slandering of her ex.

She thinks op has been lying, and she will tell others that op lies.

Of course he knows what he is doing, she's the ultimate flying monkey and firmly now on his side. If he could do the same to Op's mother and sister he would, to cause maximum damage, the greater the betrayal towards op, the happier he is.

They are not happy until the whole world is against you and you have no support, this is his aim, to destroy her for daring to escape from his control.

@Onthedunes So, yes, you only read sentence fragments and not entire posts? And you’re not seeing how this proves my point re your reading comprehension? Okay, dear.

Followed by an unbelievable amount of projection. This is clearly about you, not the OP. I hope you get the help that you need.

Exactly and thank you for understanding. Thank goodness I’m out. They’re welcome to each other but thinking of them together repulses me. She knows me better than he ever did and it makes me feel vulnerable. Not sure why

I left after delaying for 5 years. He was unsupportive and had no empathy. I lost my mother and sister and took on jy sisters 2 children. My ex went to work. I he was a one man band and was never really involved in the children or me. I looked at my future and as my youngest was 13 I feared a lonely future. He never wanted to do anything or be anywhere that wasn’t in work. I spent years reaching out and suggesting a better work/life balance for us to reconnect and have a future to enjoy as the kids became less dependent. He was not interested. Funnily enough now I’ve asked for a divorce he’s managed to find a way and seems to be doing things he’d never do with me. It’s because he has to. But I do question why he never wanted to be that person for me.

He sounds vile Joey, sorry I can't see your other post so don't know the backstory but I should imagine he won't be able to keep the pretence up for long.

You know he's a selfish man and that will never change.

@Joeynelson

I really appreciate your opinions. I have no doubt leaving him was the right move and this behaviour had reassured me that he doesn't deserve me. She can have him. I'm worth 2,000,000 of them!!! No more time to waste looking back. I have a fantastic life to get on with and no room for soulless selfish people can be in my future. She has no conscience. Him neither!

Stick this on your phone and refer to it any moment that self doubt comes in.

Of course you feel vulnerable because your whole world isnt / wasn’t what you thought. You thought you had a friend who was loyal and this has happened. You may have been open with her emotionally and she may share that with your xH - but you are just an authentic person and that’s the most important piece.

If he has changed and upped is game - so what - YOU know it won’t last and if he had done this at the end of your relationship it would have been too little too late. You have years of shit from him.

Find whatever emotions you need to process - discharge the anger is it’s there in healing way (not at them or in the presence of your DC).

But I suspect pity for her that she has him might soon surface.

However stick to your quote. Well done getting out - that was an immense feat. Rebuild YOUR fantastic new life and turn your back / cut communications so that you can’t see or hear any details about them.

I hear you and thank you!

Joey, you are a devoted, giving person—a blessing to your loved ones. You were there for both of these people and they’ve repaid you with disloyalty and contempt. Their true colors are loudly showing.

Beneath this new superficial effort Is the same self-serving, egocentric man. FormerFriend will discover soon enough that he is not the Prize she believes him to be.

Move on in joy with your/your sister’s lovely children and file these two in the Small People folder where they belong.

He's a narcissist wanker OP, and chances are he has no genuine feelings for this woman, but oh what a great opportunity she is to right royally upset and hurt you.

Don't give him what he wants, rant and rave on MN and go friends and family, but don't give him the satisfaction of knowing he's hurt you. Grey rock all the way

And now… my ex took my youngest daughter aged 13 to her house for 3 nights over New Year’s Eve… making her lie to me about where he was taking her. We’re still married, recently separated and he put Her in a position where she’s with her dad, his new woman, who was my friend, sharing her bed, holding hands all lovey dovey. I’m repulsed she even took my daughter for a manicure and shopping trip. Far too soon. Absolutely furious. He can do whatever he likes but to do this with my incredibly emotional girl still dealing with her parents separating. Can I do anything to put boundaries in to protect her.