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Relationships

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Original poster

Family finance split

51 replies

Rocket1982 · 11/12/2021 20:13

I earn 50K (FT) and DH earns 12K (half time). I’ve been paying for pretty much everything since we moved 6 years ago and he gave up his job. He got the new job about 4 years ago but I still pay for everything (like he might pay for the odd few pounds, maybe £10 per month). My take home salary is about 3K and his is about 1K but I can’t save as financing the whole family of 4. He pretty much saves his whole salary. I said I want him to start paying for 1/4 of the bills, food, family expenses (proportionate to his salary). He says this isn’t fair as I earn far more and it wouldn’t be worth it to him to continue working if he is was ‘losing’ this part of his salary. We have always had separate finances. I’ve proposed a joint account that we both pay half or 2/3 of our salary into. I would still pay for everything over that. Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Original poster

Rocket1982 · 11/12/2021 20:14

When we moved he gave up his job so I could start a new job.

OP posts:

connal · 11/12/2021 20:16

I get that he moved so you could start a new job but why hasn't he went out and found a new job especially since you've been living there long-term and it wasn't for example just moving for a year, you can't continue to pay everything he needs to get his ass into gear and get a job of his own that's going to pay more, if he isn't happy with that then tough don't pay all of the bills from your pay because he needs to contribute, he sounds like a cheeky git!

OneEpisode · 11/12/2021 20:16

I’m not quite sure what you are asking. Saving in the name of the lower earner is sometimes more tax efficient. What is DH saving for? What would you like to save for?

DowntonCrabby · 11/12/2021 20:19

He is, massively.

All money in, all bills out, joint savings and an equal amount of fun money is one fair way to do things and how we work it. We now earn almost equally but it’s gone back and forth over the years.

Another fair way is he pays 1/3 of all costs based on his 1/3 household income contribution and you organise your own savings/fun money from that.

Something does need to change though, it’s very unfair for him to have a savings pot and no financial obligations.

Could he go FT? Even if childcare was needed would he feel better off?

LalalalalalaLand123 · 11/12/2021 20:20

If you are paying for everything, arent the savings joint? It seems a very odd arrangement OP

rwalker · 11/12/2021 20:23

Wow aren't the replies different when it DW paying for everything
You earn 3 times work it out that you pay as much but he would be left with few hundred pounds and you be left with over a grand

PatriotCanes · 11/12/2021 20:27

Work out what your entire household bills are a month. Add a bit on top for joint savings and then you both contribute the same percentage of your takehome pay to cover that. What's left is your personal spends.

whysorude · 11/12/2021 20:27

Feck sake OP, he's taking the proverbial. All monies should be split by ratio for mortgage, living costs etc, then same amount for separate spending and savings and the rest into a joint saving pot

I'm in the opposite position. My husband earns almost twice what I do but expects me to cover mortgage etc 50/50. I have higher travel costs and am usually broke by end of month while he still has loads. We have no savings because he doesn't think it's important.

Akire · 11/12/2021 20:30

Everyone should be paying in. He is on a low wage but that doesn’t mean he keeps it all for spends/pocket money and you have no money for yourself at all after paying the bills. What does he think everyone else does with their wage? They pay rent and bills and costs for kids. If he was a women working part time and doing childcare it would still be fair for him to pay a %.

It’s not like he be left with £300 a month and you have £3000. He has more spare income than you do. Unless you also have grand a month for yourself?

Keepitonthedownlow · 11/12/2021 20:31

He pays nothing??

notapizzaeater · 11/12/2021 20:36

How does he think food and bills get paid ? He needs to pull his weight

Aprilx · 11/12/2021 20:42

Why don’t you both put everything into one pot, pay the bills out of that pot, get whatever spends you both need out of that pot and put something away into a join win account. Forget about who earns more, you are married and have children.

Anyway that is my suggestion. We have always shared everything and one thing we have never ever argued about is money.

Aprilx · 11/12/2021 20:43

*joint account

YuleHaveAWonderfulChristmas · 11/12/2021 20:43

If his salary saving are only his then he is fucking taking the utter piss.

He should give you half of whatever he has saved over the last 4 years and from now on you both save the same amount.

I'd leave my DP over this. What an arsehole.

Original poster

Rocket1982 · 11/12/2021 21:14

So it’s not like I have no personal money… our bills, food and mortgage probably come to 2 grand and then stuff like clubs and activities for the kids comes to a few hundred. Then gifts and family days out (which I pay for) and clothes, stuff for the kids maybe another 200. Holidays I pay for, maybe 1-2K per year. I buy clothes and audible for myself but I am not able to save significant amounts to fund things like household renovations or have much of a savings pot for the kids. I could maybe save a few hundred per month, of course it could be more if we stopped days out and holidays but we don’t have a particularly extravagant lifestyle. As far as I know he saves his whole salary apart from spending a bit on personal things (e.g phone, iPad)

OP posts:

Original poster

Rocket1982 · 11/12/2021 21:16

To the poster who suggested that if the genders were reversed things would seem different, I appreciate that, and I think that there can be different answers on MN depending on the genders of the higher and lower earner. But if he was my DW how should things be split? We have never had a joint account but have recently opened one. It seems like a big step to throw everything in there but I suggested we each put in half or 3/4 of our salary.

OP posts:

Original poster

Rocket1982 · 11/12/2021 21:18

I suggested that if we both pay in half our salary for the expenses over that I would pay everything. I reckon we would end up both saving £500/month.

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HidingFromDD · 11/12/2021 21:23

either pay proportionally (although I'd query why he's part time, if this is because he's picking up more of the household/childcare stuff then fair enough, if it's because he's getting lots more time to himself then that needs addressing too), or work out how much needs to go on bills/children/savings and then split remainder in half as personal money. Him keeping his full salary and you paying for everything is CF territory though, regardless of whether it's husband or wife as major earner

Darkpheonix · 11/12/2021 21:23

What does he mean 'not worth him working'?

I take it he takes on the majority of the childcare/house work etc.

Jonesy88 · 11/12/2021 21:23

We have a salary disparity too and so adjust the amount we pay into the joint accordingly, leaving us with the same amount of disposable income in our individual accounts.

Darkpheonix · 11/12/2021 21:24

Also did you agree he wouldn't work full time and provide majority care for the kids, long term?

Original poster

Rocket1982 · 11/12/2021 21:28

I think having the same 'disposable income' would be fair. However, we disagree on what the essentials are... If it were up to him I don't think the kids would be doing activities or going on days out or holidays that aren't free or very nearly free. Gifts would be strange items probably cheaper than the things I get. So if we split the disposable income all of those things would still have to come out of my disposable income (as we don't agree to spend them out of joint funds).

OP posts:

Original poster

Rocket1982 · 11/12/2021 21:29

He does more childcare, he has the kids from end of school until I finish work (6pm). We split the household work fairly equally (I feel that I do more but he might disagree).

OP posts:

Youkilledmyfatherpreparetodie · 11/12/2021 21:29

Out of all my friends, no one has the same arrangement. I find it really interesting how couples approach this. I earn the same as OP, husband earns less. We both keep £500 a month and put the rest in a joint account. Works very well for us.

Original poster

Rocket1982 · 11/12/2021 21:31

Youkilledmyfatherpreparetodie I would like to have that arrangement but with all stuff for the kids that I want them to do from the joint account!

OP posts:

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