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Original poster

sexually provocative photo

58 replies

Sunday123456 · 10/12/2021 11:48

Oh dear, the green eyed monster has come out in me.
my wife, before we met had a brief relationship and sent a nude photo - not a full frontal.
Now the relationship ended & we got together, however my wife in her infinite wisdom then decided that it was a nice photo and decided to send it to me as a private Christmas card - which i have treasured.
However she has told me about the picture as she is freighted that it may appear, because said ex has been texting her out of the blue. She hasn't replied & i'm happy to let him suffer in silence. Although i do secretly want to break his nose for the lack of respect to our marriage - i wont.
I haven't made a song and dance about it to my wife but feel sick and don't want to keep hold of the photo as it was never meant for me.
Do i throw it away, or man up and get on with it as it was in the past and an innocent mistake.
I love my wife.

OP posts:
MimosaFields · 10/12/2021 11:57

Are you serious? First of all, it was not "an innocent" mistake. It is a picture that your now wife sent to someone in her previous life. She did it because she wanted to. Full stop.

Has she told that guy that she is married now, and he should not contact her again? Why is she still receiving the messages? Does she not know how to block people?

In any case, you are being ridiculous. Speak to your wife, tell her you are uncomfortable with the guy contacting her and if she is a decent person, she will block him. You sound incredibly insecure

MalbecandToast · 10/12/2021 11:59

You sound horribly insecure OP. You really need to work on that, this "issue" is 100% of your own making. Your wife did nothing wrong sending that photo to her then boyfriend! You feel sick?! Awfully dramatic and, frankly, pathetic.

Doona · 10/12/2021 12:00

She should make you a new photo, obviously, rather than give you an old one.

MalbecandToast · 10/12/2021 12:03

@Doona why should she?! She can send any photo she likes it doesn't mean anything that someone else has seen it.

Ghostsintheshelf · 10/12/2021 12:03

I don't see that your wife has done anything wrong. She has had relationships before you, and she took a photo of herself which she sent to another man and then sent to you after breaking up with the other man. You say "it was never meant for" you. Obviously it was or she wouldn't have given it to you. She seems to have no interest in this man anymore. You're upset but that isn't her fault so don't make it her problem by starting to make a song and dance.

user1471517095 · 10/12/2021 12:05

I think I'd feel the same way as you. I'd at least want a new picture, not one she'd already sent to an ex.

Doona · 10/12/2021 12:08

[quote MalbecandToast]@Doona why should she?! She can send any photo she likes it doesn't mean anything that someone else has seen it.[/quote]
I just think it's weird to send someone a photo from your past. Why? Just send who you are now.

Kanaloa · 10/12/2021 12:12

Maybe get a grip of the ‘monster’ and stop thinking about breaking people’s noses.

The photo I don’t see as an issue, because if he hasn’t released it up till now why would he suddenly do so?

As for the ex ‘disrespecting your marriage’ he’s texting an ex girlfriend I’m of his. The only person who could disrespect the marriage is your wife if she reciprocated/cheated which it doesn’t sound like she will or has. I’m not sure why you want to let him ‘suffer in silence’ or break his nose - your wife could simply reply ‘nice to hear from you but I’m not single now, hope you’re well.’ Like a normal person would.

PinkLadyFriday · 10/12/2021 12:20

You’ve had awful responses and I wonder if these posters would be as harsh with a post that had genders swapped.
Your wife should never have given you the same photo, crass and unintelligent! YANBU.

zaffa · 10/12/2021 12:20

I don't know - I think it's pretty off to recycle your buds pics from one man to the next. I'd be pretty offended to receive a pic from DH that he had taken and shared with someone else - it's quite intimate I think.

zaffa · 10/12/2021 12:21

@zaffa

I don't know - I think it's pretty off to recycle your buds pics from one man to the next. I'd be pretty offended to receive a pic from DH that he had taken and shared with someone else - it's quite intimate I think.
*nude not buds
zaffa · 10/12/2021 12:23

I mean it's a pic she took to share with a then lover - to no doubt entice and arouse them. I wouldn't be comfortable then receiving it with no doubt the intention of arousing and enticing me, but with the knowledge that it was recycled and I wasn't the intended recipient when it was taken? It's not quite the same as taking a general pic that is for multiple audiences - I am assuming she doesn't usually share her nudes with multiple audiences?

MalbecandToast · 10/12/2021 12:29

I literally couldn't give two shits. If DH sent me a pic from before me I'd be fine with it - if he took it again it would look exactly the same so what's the point?! Confused Adults who can't accept their partners had a sexual relationship before them need to take a long look at themselves if you ask me. Insecurity is so unattractive

MMmomDD · 10/12/2021 12:37

Grow up?
I presume the nice photo was from some time long(ish) ago. Long enough that you had time to meet, date, get engaged and marry….
This is nothing but an artful nude picture - from her past before you, at least by your description.

Do with it what you feel like. Keep it or not, doesn’t really matter.

But no need to make any drama or break anyone’s noses. He took a chance and contacted her. She ignored. Case closed:

Suzi888 · 10/12/2021 12:40

@MalbecandToast

You sound horribly insecure OP. You really need to work on that, this "issue" is 100% of your own making. Your wife did nothing wrong sending that photo to her then boyfriend! You feel sick?! Awfully dramatic and, frankly, pathetic.
Unless OP was a woman of course Hmm.

Tell your wife to block him OP. If she doesn’t you have your answer.

Cas112 · 10/12/2021 12:40

Get over it.

Men need to learn most of the time nudes are kept stored and probably used again for other people. Most women keep and reuse old photos

MalbecandToast · 10/12/2021 12:43

@Suzi888 the OP being male has nothing to do with it, if it was his wife posting I'd feel exactly the same way Confused

Suzi888 · 10/12/2021 12:44

[quote MalbecandToast]@Suzi888 the OP being male has nothing to do with it, if it was his wife posting I'd feel exactly the same way Confused[/quote]
Hmmm ok

ArblemarchTFruitbat · 10/12/2021 12:45

It was no more of a 'mistake' for her to send it to her ex than it was for her to send it to you.

Helpstopthepain · 10/12/2021 12:46

Bit odd to recycle the photo but then I would never dream of taking a photo like that so what do I know.

It’s her past. You both need to leave it where it belongs.

Yousexybugger · 10/12/2021 12:50

I understand where you're coming from re the photo. If someone sends you an intimate photo as a card, it would be nicer to think it was private and between you rather than a pic taken for a previous lover. That said, she's explained now and really? No harm done. It's still her. Not as though he took it or was there out of shot. Put the picture out of the way for a while, don't throw it away, until this blows over.

Why do you consider this man is disrespecting your marriage? What has he said? If he's said anything threatening to circulate nude photos, then he's threatening your wife, not you, and she should go to the police. Revenge porn is a crime. If he has just got in touch on the off chance, possibly feeling lonely or nostalgic at this time of year, then it is for your wife to say 'I'm not interested thanks, I'm married now'. Block if need be.

Elsiebear90 · 10/12/2021 12:51

I’ve done this, if it was a nice pic I kept it to potentially reuse rather wasting my time taking another one trying to recreate it, that just made no sense to me. My fiancée knows I’ve sent her pics when we were first dating that I had sent to other women, she would have preferred if she was the only one who ever saw them, but got over it quite quickly, I suggest you do the same because it’s really not that big of a deal and doesn’t mean anything.

MrsTimRiggins · 10/12/2021 12:55

While I agree it’s pretty weird to send a photo to your husband which was initially taken and sent it an ex, you’re giving a hell of a lot of headspace (and disproportionate rage, thinking about breaking his nose, really? Big toxic energy) to an irrelevant ex who has sent one message. If your wife doesn’t want to hear from him, she can block him.

MalbecandToast · 10/12/2021 12:56

Why the hmmmm?! Genuinely don't see what the OP's gender has to do with anything?

FreeBritnee · 10/12/2021 12:57

It doesn’t belong to you or the ex, it belongs to her Man up. Stop being an idiot. Be grateful you have a wonderful marriage and your wife talks to you openly. Don’t fuck it up.

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