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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

sexually provocative photo

58 replies

Sunday123456 · 10/12/2021 11:48

Oh dear, the green eyed monster has come out in me.
my wife, before we met had a brief relationship and sent a nude photo - not a full frontal.
Now the relationship ended & we got together, however my wife in her infinite wisdom then decided that it was a nice photo and decided to send it to me as a private Christmas card - which i have treasured.
However she has told me about the picture as she is freighted that it may appear, because said ex has been texting her out of the blue. She hasn't replied & i'm happy to let him suffer in silence. Although i do secretly want to break his nose for the lack of respect to our marriage - i wont.
I haven't made a song and dance about it to my wife but feel sick and don't want to keep hold of the photo as it was never meant for me.
Do i throw it away, or man up and get on with it as it was in the past and an innocent mistake.
I love my wife.

OP posts:
Sunday123456 · 10/12/2021 12:58

Thank you all so much, she has blocked him & i am so grateful for your honest responses.
I will keep and treasure the picture.

Xxx

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 10/12/2021 13:01

@Sunday123456

Thank you all so much, she has blocked him & i am so grateful for your honest responses. I will keep and treasure the picture.

Xxx

I think 'treasuring' a provocative photo is weirder than sending it to two people in two different relationships
SunshineInMyTea · 10/12/2021 13:02

@Cas112

Get over it.

Men need to learn most of the time nudes are kept stored and probably used again for other people. Most women keep and reuse old photos

Do most women even have nudes of themselves?
MultiStorey · 10/12/2021 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MultiStorey · 10/12/2021 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saoirsesersha · 10/12/2021 13:12

If I were your wife I’d be texting him back!

QOD · 10/12/2021 13:14

is her face in the photo?
It's not something I would ever do (far too insecure and flobby) but revenge porn is a crime so maybe that should be sent in a response to the old dick head

RantyAunty · 10/12/2021 13:15

Get over it. It was a long time ago.

I reckon she isn't concerned about photos of naked women you've wanked to over the years.

Fairylights25 · 10/12/2021 13:15

Maybe I live in a different universe, but why is your wife sending nude photos of herself to you or to anyone?!!
How old are you?
It just sounds very immature and strange. I am am wondering why anyone even wants photos of their own dh/dw in the first place, when you have the real thing lying next to you each night....and in the wrong hands or put on the internet it could be highly mortifying - I am a professional and that would be the end of my career. So just wondering why??

Fairylights25 · 10/12/2021 13:16

I don't know any real women that ever do this over the age of 20.

Sunday123456 · 10/12/2021 13:16

LOL

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 10/12/2021 13:26

Maybe it's the texting to your wife, from the man before, that is bothering you more than the photo. But it would be a shame,to throw away a nice photo of your wife, no matter what !

Yummypumpkin · 10/12/2021 13:30

I have a total different read.

Wife is taking messages from an ex without blocking. Ex has not said anything about sharing the photo.

Wife is trying to wind up husband and is taking away what he believes was a special photo taken for him, when in fact she shared it with others.

Husband feels upset as wife intended.

Mumsnet tells him this is fine and lectures him about his jealousy issues.

MalbecandToast · 10/12/2021 13:34

@Yummypumpkin why does she need to block him?!
Its perfectly fine to keep in touch with exes. To assume the OP's wife is trying to "wind him up" says more about you and your apparent mistrust of women than it does his wife

mugoftea456 · 10/12/2021 13:58

I think 'treasuring' a provocative photo is weirder than sending it to two people in two different relationships

I agree. Your phrasing is so strange. Lots of this is strange.

  1. Recycling a tit pic and then getting it made into a card.
  2. WTF is treasuring the photo? is it just a wank bank pic you pull out?
  3. why would this pic suddenly resurface? Unless your wife sent it to him recently then i wouldnt worry that he all of a sudden would release it.
  4. Wanting to break his nose is utterly childish.
Yummypumpkin · 10/12/2021 14:12

@MalbecandToast mistrust of women doesn't apply to me thanks but nice to know the old ones are the best hey.

Marineboy67 · 10/12/2021 14:13

I'd throw it away, it's not appropriate to your relationship however nice the photo is. I had an ex that used to receive the odd nude picture from and old boyfriend 20 years previously. Obviously tickled her fancy but no I didn't like it. She met him whilst we were out at a farmers market once. She introduced us and I said 'oh your the twat that sends the old dick pic photos' made me laugh to see him squirm.

MultiStorey · 10/12/2021 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MalbecandToast · 10/12/2021 14:29

Wife is trying to wind up husband and is taking away what he believes was a special photo taken for him, when in fact she shared it with others Sure, this doesn't sound paranoid at all @Yummypumpkin Confused

Cas112 · 10/12/2021 14:37

@SunshineInMyTea maybe

GrumpyTerrier · 10/12/2021 14:41

Try to see the pic not as a gift that was 'recycled' to you but as a photo of your wife, that she took and has ownership of, and chose to give to you.

As long as your wife isnt interacting secretly with the ex etc then you shouldnt be worried. She is your wife. She wants to be with you, and is with you. That ex is not important unless you make him important.

Palmfrond · 10/12/2021 15:58

I’m with @Yummypumpkin on this one.
I think there is more backstory here than OP is telling us and Im guessing it’s quite important to the jealousy you’re feeling.
I don’t know you and I don’t know your wife or your boundaries as individuals or as a couple, but I think the two things happening at the same time sounds like either she is winding you up or she is massively tone deaf/lacking in emotional intelligence.

Ariann · 10/12/2021 16:19

It's crass that your wife gave you a sexy picture that she actually took for an ex. Sending nude pictures is stupid and infantile anyway. Who does that unless they are 17?

Ariann · 10/12/2021 16:21

@Fairylights25

I don't know any real women that ever do this over the age of 20.
^^Agreed.
Thymeout · 10/12/2021 16:56

I think it's incredibly tacky to recycle mementos from a past relationship to another. Even if it wasn't a nude, she's smiling at him not you. I had an ex who recycled 'special' compilation tapes with music chosen to express how he felt about the current girl. Well, it worked for one. Why not use it for the next? The sort of guy who'd re-use an engagement ring.

And she told you she originally posed it for him! Zero E.Q.