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Original poster

Would you agree an 8:30pm meet time for 2nd date?!

103 replies

Livinlalidavoca · 10/12/2021 11:36

So I am due to go on a second date tomorrow with someone from a dating app. The first date we did a daytime cocktail which was nice and we clicked really well.

Tomorrow he wants to meet at 8:30pm. It'll be another drink, but bearing in mind we both have to drive to where we're meeting as we don't live close.

8:30 seems really late to me but I don't know if I'm just feeling old and antisocial?! We're 32 and 40 if that helps.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 10/12/2021 15:09

@Sprig1

It seems late to me. I would think that he is seeing someone else first.
Really? I thought 8:30pm was a pretty standard time to meet for drinks. It's around the time I'd meet up with my friends on a Saturday if we were going for drinks
TheRigatonini · 10/12/2021 15:12

Doesn’t seem too late – but if it feels too late for you why don’t you suggest an earlier time?

I suppose if you’re driving and not planning a full night out can see why you’d want to make it a bit earlier.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 10/12/2021 15:14

@Sprig1

It seems late to me. I would think that he is seeing someone else first.
Really?! So a date at 7 that he has to leave at 8 to get to the second one at 8.30?
gannett · 10/12/2021 15:29

@Sprig1

It seems late to me. I would think that he is seeing someone else first.
Is that seriously the first and most obvious explanation to you? A little paranoid, perhaps?
shinynewapple21 · 10/12/2021 15:33

Admittedly I know nothing about rules of modern dating but what's wrong with 8.30 for going out for a drink?

Have your tea at home at 6.00, tidy up, coffee to wake yourself up (!), quick shower - seems the perfect time if you aren't going for a meal.

lastqueenofscotland · 10/12/2021 15:43

I wouldn’t call it late! Football fan who wants to watch the late afternoon kick off?

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 10/12/2021 15:50

@Sprig1

It seems late to me. I would think that he is seeing someone else first.
I doubt it! Grin

Most men are too lazy for this or too 'what if 6pm date is going well, I don't want to have to dash off and leave her'.

sunnyzweibrucken · 10/12/2021 15:50

I don't think 8:30 is late. I've met up at that time to go on a movie date so it's not late to me. It would mainly depend on how far I have to drive, less than 20 mins I'd be okay with but any further than that I wouldn't go. I also dont know if i'd just meet up for drinks, i'm not a huge drinker so I would want some food with that drink lol

NynaeveSedai · 10/12/2021 16:14

@burnoutbabe

its a bit of an odd time - saying "i don't want to spend too long with you"

I'd prefer a sunday meet up for lunch/coffee in the day time than a sat night drive for (soft) drinks.

And that's fine for a second date! Meet at 6 and by 9pm you may be deathly bored and unable to leave without being rude, whereas meet at 8.30 and you can leave at 11 after hopefully having had a nice time and wanting more!
NynaeveSedai · 10/12/2021 16:15

@Sprig1

It seems late to me. I would think that he is seeing someone else first.
He's probably having some food and a shower first. What kind of date finishes before 8.30??
Oneforthemoneytwo · 10/12/2021 16:48

Eh? 8.30 is a completely standard time to go out on a Saturday night. I’d be more surprised to meet earlier than 8.

Kite22 · 10/12/2021 18:57

It seems late to me. I would think that he is seeing someone else first.

Grin Grin Grin

That is seriously your first thought ???

Not that he might be

  • at work
  • playing sport
  • watching sport
  • have been out for the day
  • volunteering
and then want to eat and have a shower / get changed before going out, if they aren't meeting to eat ? Hmm
MollysDolly · 10/12/2021 19:14

@Oneforthemoneytwo

Eh? 8.30 is a completely standard time to go out on a Saturday night. I’d be more surprised to meet earlier than 8.
With my mates, yes.

With a second date, not so much.

It's far enough that they both have to drive to meet halfway. Say, it's half an hour.

I think it's the latest he can get away with, without looking too obvious, so even staying a couple of hours, means they are leaving at a time where you'd be heading for bed, therefore enabling him to "did you want to come back for a nightcap"

Not saying there's anything wrong with that, if that's what they both want, but I get the feeling that's what he's setting up. I personally wouldn't be interested in a guy setting the scene for sex on date 2.

Buildingthefuture · 10/12/2021 19:22

I’ve never done OLD so my opinion is probably useless….but I wouldn’t think an 8.30pm date time is weird. And i wouldn’t think it’s because he setting the scene for a shag, particularly if you are both driving?? Personally, I would go and see how it plays out…..or, if you aren’t comfortable with it, suggest an earlier time?

me4real · 10/12/2021 19:31

I know a lot of people start a long night out at that time but I still feel it's a bit late for me personally. I'm a night owl but when it comes to going out still mainly think in 'old school' hours. Smile

Could you say 7.30 to him or something @Livinlalidavoca ?

I don't think it's either a surprise or a bad thing if a single person going on a date wants a shag. Whether they get one or not depends if the other person on the date also wants a shag, and that's also fine either way.

@gannett It's a bit unpleasant if the shag is all the bloke's after and the woman is after a prospective relationship. People should know that based on what people say they're after on their profile if it's OLD, but some men lie about what they're after, which can be a waste of the woman's time or hurtful.

I agree more with PP. He's doing the post dinner drinks and not the dinner, to make it later (and maybe that will lead to talk of "bed") in the cheapest way possible. 8.30 is probably the latest he can get away with the evening starting before it sounds too obvious.

@MollysDolly That makes sense.

IamGusFring · 10/12/2021 19:34

To me 8.30 sounds like I am not a priority and I would want to be one !

Aprilx · 10/12/2021 19:45

I think he is trying to make it clear that there will be no dinner involved, for whatever reason. Any earlier and you would probably need to eat.

I wouldn’t be too impressed with an 8:30pm meeting time unless the was something else happening first or somebody was working that day. Otherwise I would not feel especially inclined for a long drive for a couple of drinks at 8:30pm.

WonderfulYou · 10/12/2021 19:51

Some of these replies are hilarious!

Aren’t most dates in the evening?
What time was your first date?

If it’s too late for you just ask to make it 6 instead.

KnightKnurse · 10/12/2021 19:53

Personally, I'd prefer a 2nd daytime date, to ensure I still like the person. The 1/2/3rd evening dates are a bit tricky for me, because it's a bit harder to bail out early, as it often involves more time/effort (for example a dinner or a few drinks).

If I wanted to shag him regardless then 8.30 is no problem :) but otherwise I'd prefer something daytime.

EmmaWoodhousestreehouse · 10/12/2021 20:01

I must be getting old. I’m thinking it’s nearly bed time by half 8😆

Kite22 · 10/12/2021 20:30

I think it's the latest he can get away with, without looking too obvious, so even staying a couple of hours, means they are leaving at a time where you'd be heading for bed, therefore enabling him to "did you want to come back for a nightcap"

There are a lot of people on MN that think differently from me.

How do you know he's not being a bit cautious and not wanting to set himself up for a really long evening in case conversation runs out ?

Plus, surely the fact they are both driving 30mins or so means it is logical to be a bit later than otherwise might be, as they need to allow time to get there?

As I said in my first post, it is not a ridiculous time and there could be dozens of reasons why it makes sense, but if it isn't what you want, then say so. Say you'd rather meet for lunch or another coffee or walk or whatever you want. There's nothing wrong with the suggestion, but that is all it is, a suggestion.

gannett · 11/12/2021 08:15

@IamGusFring

To me 8.30 sounds like I am not a priority and I would want to be one !
Please explain because I can't even imagine what mental leap is required to jump from "8.30pm" to "not a priority".
icedcoffees · 11/12/2021 09:15

I don't get why some people are so sneery about those of us who like to go to bed a bit earlier Confused

I wouldn't go out for a date with a relative stranger at 8.30pm either - if I was with DH or friends I'd feel differently though I think.

icedcoffees · 11/12/2021 09:15

@EmmaWoodhousestreehouse

I must be getting old. I’m thinking it’s nearly bed time by half 8😆
Same, I was in bed by 9.15 last night Grin
user1471538283 · 11/12/2021 10:01

It isnt that late but it is far too late for me now! I wonder if it's because it is just drinks?

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