Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you agree an 8:30pm meet time for 2nd date?!

103 replies

Livinlalidavoca · 10/12/2021 11:36

So I am due to go on a second date tomorrow with someone from a dating app. The first date we did a daytime cocktail which was nice and we clicked really well.

Tomorrow he wants to meet at 8:30pm. It'll be another drink, but bearing in mind we both have to drive to where we're meeting as we don't live close.

8:30 seems really late to me but I don't know if I'm just feeling old and antisocial?! We're 32 and 40 if that helps.

OP posts:
ThePoisonousMushroom · 10/12/2021 13:21

If they’re both driving because they both live a long way from the venue, where on earth would they shag?

RantyAunty · 10/12/2021 13:22

I couldn't be bothered to go out that late if the drive is far away just for a drink.

He should plan something earlier and more interesting than a drink.

Sounds cheap, boring, and possibly looking for an easy shag.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 10/12/2021 13:23

Who knew so many people were warming their Horlicks and getting ready for bed at 8.30pm.

gannett · 10/12/2021 13:24

You can always guarantee that on any dating thread given any scenario some posters will be along to pronounce "he wants a shag" as if they're dropping some serious wisdom.

I don't think it's either a surprise or a bad thing if a single person going on a date wants a shag. Whether they get one or not depends if the other person on the date also wants a shag, and that's also fine either way.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 10/12/2021 13:27

@StrychnineInTheSandwiches

Who knew so many people were warming their Horlicks and getting ready for bed at 8.30pm.
I know, I’m late 30’s, married, have three young kids who get up at the crack of dawn and can still manage a night out that starts at 8.30pm!
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/12/2021 13:27

I think it’s fine I don’t get the issue

AlCalavicci · 10/12/2021 13:32

I think 8/8.30 Is fine for a date with someone you know a bit better.
But I would not go on a 2nd date at that time , I'd go earlier at around 6pm ( if that time works for both of you) and stick to soft drinks and perhaps something light to eat like tapas , or a trip to the flicks .

MollysDolly · 10/12/2021 13:33

8.30 isn't late as a time in general. No one's going to bed at 8.30 (except children and shift workers).

So my initial thought was, that's fine, I'd expect to be out for a drink at 8.30. But the more I mull it over, that's because I'm already there, not just arriving. If I'm not having late drinks following a nice dinner, I don't really want to be out late just for an initial (or second) drink.

I agree more with PP. He's doing the post dinner drinks and not the dinner, to make it later (and maybe that will lead to talk of "bed") in the cheapest way possible. 8.30 is probably the latest he can get away with the evening starting before it sounds too obvious.

hotmeatymilk · 10/12/2021 13:39

If they’re both driving because they both live a long way from the venue, where on earth would they shag?
Your car or mine, darlin’?

AndTime · 10/12/2021 13:45

I think it's fine for a second date, I wouldn't want to commit to dinner so soon incase we didn't get on so well.

Also he might be on a tight budget and unable to afford dinner this close to Christmas.

He may be busy all day but really keen to see you.

If you aren't happy with the time the discuss it with him.

Anordinarymum · 10/12/2021 13:47

@StrychnineInTheSandwiches

Who knew so many people were warming their Horlicks and getting ready for bed at 8.30pm.
Just what I thought !
CovidPassQuestion · 10/12/2021 13:48

Ha! Unfortunately that's what went through my head too Blush

SallyWD · 10/12/2021 13:49

I have to agree that 8.30 is perfectly normal! I'd often meet friends around that time. Now I've got in to the routine of being middle aged and boring I do like to go to bed at 9pm to read so this would be late for me. However for a night out I think it's normal.

TrishM80 · 10/12/2021 13:53

It would be funny if this guy knew that when he suggested 8.30 for a date it would spark a debate on a women's forum about what his ulterior motives were.

Maybe he only gets home from work at 7 and needs time to eat, shower and get changed before going out! Really could be anything!!

NynaeveSedai · 10/12/2021 14:01

@gannett

You can always guarantee that on any dating thread given any scenario some posters will be along to pronounce "he wants a shag" as if they're dropping some serious wisdom.

I don't think it's either a surprise or a bad thing if a single person going on a date wants a shag. Whether they get one or not depends if the other person on the date also wants a shag, and that's also fine either way.

Yes!!
1forAll74 · 10/12/2021 14:11

That would be a normal time for me to meet up, if I was inclined towards any dating, I would make my own rules about meet up times anyway.

ElectraBlue · 10/12/2021 14:17

For a Saturday night anything between 7pm and 9pm for a social occasion would be fairly standard I think. I am in London and this is usually when I meet people to go out.

If it was an evening during the week, I would turn this down as being too late, especially if I have to work the following day.

I think his mistake might be to have suggested drinks only. It would have been better to suggest dinner and drinks and then it would make more sense.

Just ask him to clarify if dinner will be involved and suggest maybe that you meet at 7pm instead.

You might also be instinctively picking up that something is off and it could be a case that he arranged to meet with someone else before that. That would not surprise me with OLD!

burnoutbabe · 10/12/2021 14:26

its a bit of an odd time - saying "i don't want to spend too long with you"

I'd prefer a sunday meet up for lunch/coffee in the day time than a sat night drive for (soft) drinks.

Kite22 · 10/12/2021 14:53

I don't think it is late either, and I am ancient.

My dc wouldn't be thinking of going out for another 2 or 3 hours after that........

However, if it doesn't suit you, you can always suggest another time, or another daytime meet up.

Didimum · 10/12/2021 14:57

It's perhaps a little on the later side, but not outrageously so.

AryaStarkWolf · 10/12/2021 14:57

8:30pm doesn't sound late?

oviraptor21 · 10/12/2021 15:01

8.30 sounds fine to me, as does keeping it fairly simple with drinks, not a full meal.
Early days. Don't over invest. But if 8.30 is too late for you then it sounds like you're not that compatible anyway.

Sprig1 · 10/12/2021 15:04

It seems late to me. I would think that he is seeing someone else first.

EmpressCixi · 10/12/2021 15:04

It’s normal time for going out for drinks. It might mean post dinner though, so there’s probably no meal involved.

But those drinks had better not be alcohol because you’re both planning on driving....
It'll be another drink, but bearing in mind we both have to drive to where we're meeting as we don't live close

Sunshineandflipflops · 10/12/2021 15:05

8.30 would be fine for me. I've done drinks for a second date where we've both had to drive (one small drink and then soft drinks).

If we were having dinner then I'd expect more 7.30pm.

It's a saturday night so presumably no work the next morning and 8.30 gives you a good 2-3 hours so don't see the problem.

Swipe left for the next trending thread