Promising new relationship ended over a misunderstanding. What are the chances he might get back in touch?

[LilJim]

Feeling miserable. I've been single and dating about 4 years, lots of short flings that haven't worked out.

I met someone really nice over the summer. We hit it off, had a lovely few months together. He said he was, and acted, really keen.

A few weeks ago, we had a silly misunderstanding and now it's over. It was a quick text disagreement, we both overreacted, nothing awful was done or said but he has shut me down.

I don't want to be outing. However in short, he sent me something I didn't like, I could've handled it better in my response, he overreacted too, we were both having a stressful week for separate reasons. All by text, all snappy and annoyed rather than ranting, personal or abusive. I apologised and explained for my part and made clear I wanted us to put things right. He just shut things down, wouldn't answer when I called (I didn't keep ringing). I tried getting in touch a couple of weeks later. He was much less arsey but still very final.

Now, I know he's said he doesn't want to know, and I respect that, so won't be pestering him.

However, what we had was lovely even though new. I was just really puzzled about how he decided so fast that that was it, and didn't see my point of view (I acknowledged why he might be peed off). I would understand if I had gone nuts, or it was about nothing but it was just a badly-timed misunderstanding, in all honesty caused by something he sent me.

I believe this guy had quite a few insecurities about himself, and wonder whether he worried things wouldn't work out so bailed. For this reason, I don't think he would just jump straight onto the next one.

I'm just confused and really liked him. I've noticed him looking at my OLD profile. I know this doesn't mean he is pining, but maybe he hasn't forgotten me already. It's compounded because there is absolutely nobody online I am interested in, and I realised how rare it is for me to really hit it off with a man. I honestly believe he liked me a lot too, from his words and deeds. We got to know a lot about each other so I don't think it was the same as thinking 'sod this!' after a few dates. It really felt like there was something developing.

I suppose I am just hoping theres a chance he might get back in touch after putting the walls up rapidly. I know the received wisdom is that it shouldnt be hard early on, but this was a genuine misunderstanding, nobody actually did anything wrong. We were both just caught at a bad time.

Has anyone ever heard from someone again after an ending like this?

Sorry for the ramble.

TLDR: Had a misunderstanding with new boyfriend. He's ended things. Do you think he might be in touch?

That's it, the student!

I had a similar thing happen and blamed myself.

But you know what? I don't think a decent guy would send something that upset you and then get angry with you for being (rightly) offended and annoyed. It shows a total lack of empathy and childishness in that he would rather be 'right' than apologise for upsetting you. So I actually feel like you dodged a bullet here. If he were the right guy for you, I don't think he'd have stormed off in a childish huff over something so silly.

@LilJim - I remember your first thread and at the time thought how strong you were to trust your instincts and act upon them.

Let's just say he DOES come back and you pick up the relationship again. Can you say with total certainty that the next time he does something you are upset about or uncomfortable with, that you would speak up again? Or would you perhaps stay quiet or question yourself?

If anyone makes you question the validity of your feelings and/or causes you to self silence, they are not the right person for you.

I wish I had been as brave and decisive as you with my last relationship. I had a similar moment but I let it pass/made excuses for him. I still broke up with him a few months later though, but as a result I have lots of stuff to unpick as the red flags were ignored. Trust yourself, you did the right thing!

Thank you kintsugi that's so kind.

Yes I think you're right. I would be unsure what the line was that would cause him to shut me out again. I did understand him being displeased at the message I sent, but I soon apologised and explained and to be honest, it wasn't that bad. I didn't accuse him of anything, call him anything, or go mad. If that's a huge overreaction to him then, yes, I would be afraid of what level of reaction he would accept. I rarely flip out completely I'm not a robot and wouldn't be able to guarantee calm, meek and measured responses for the rest of my life to anything that upset me. And I wouldn't expect that from a partner.