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Original poster

Promising new relationship ended over a misunderstanding. What are the chances he might get back in touch?

79 replies

LilJim · 10/12/2021 00:04

Feeling miserable. I've been single and dating about 4 years, lots of short flings that haven't worked out.

I met someone really nice over the summer. We hit it off, had a lovely few months together. He said he was, and acted, really keen.

A few weeks ago, we had a silly misunderstanding and now it's over. It was a quick text disagreement, we both overreacted, nothing awful was done or said but he has shut me down.

I don't want to be outing. However in short, he sent me something I didn't like, I could've handled it better in my response, he overreacted too, we were both having a stressful week for separate reasons. All by text, all snappy and annoyed rather than ranting, personal or abusive. I apologised and explained for my part and made clear I wanted us to put things right. He just shut things down, wouldn't answer when I called (I didn't keep ringing). I tried getting in touch a couple of weeks later. He was much less arsey but still very final.

Now, I know he's said he doesn't want to know, and I respect that, so won't be pestering him.

However, what we had was lovely even though new. I was just really puzzled about how he decided so fast that that was it, and didn't see my point of view (I acknowledged why he might be peed off). I would understand if I had gone nuts, or it was about nothing but it was just a badly-timed misunderstanding, in all honesty caused by something he sent me.

I believe this guy had quite a few insecurities about himself, and wonder whether he worried things wouldn't work out so bailed. For this reason, I don't think he would just jump straight onto the next one.

I'm just confused and really liked him. I've noticed him looking at my OLD profile. I know this doesn't mean he is pining, but maybe he hasn't forgotten me already. It's compounded because there is absolutely nobody online I am interested in, and I realised how rare it is for me to really hit it off with a man. I honestly believe he liked me a lot too, from his words and deeds. We got to know a lot about each other so I don't think it was the same as thinking 'sod this!' after a few dates. It really felt like there was something developing.

I suppose I am just hoping theres a chance he might get back in touch after putting the walls up rapidly. I know the received wisdom is that it shouldnt be hard early on, but this was a genuine misunderstanding, nobody actually did anything wrong. We were both just caught at a bad time.

Has anyone ever heard from someone again after an ending like this?

Sorry for the ramble.

TLDR: Had a misunderstanding with new boyfriend. He's ended things. Do you think he might be in touch?

OP posts:
SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 10/12/2021 02:19

My only tip in terms of how to tell the difference is that asserting your boundaries will tend to deter the second type. I regret to inform you that I haven’t yet found a lasting example of the first type though. But eternal singledom is still better than the relationships I see my sisters and friends tolerating. (Your mileage may vary).

MalFunkshun · 10/12/2021 03:03

This sounds really familiar, have you posted about this recently? The picture is something to do with women in his office and him not recognising their conversations / interactions were bordering on inappropriate?

Either way, you’re giving him too much power here. You gave him the opportunity to reengage and he hasn’t taken it - don’t become an inadvertent mug by giving him infinite chances.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/12/2021 03:10

You don't want this man back. Trust me.

SplittingFeathers · 10/12/2021 04:21

I am pretty sure you posted about this a few weeks ago. It wasn't a misunderstanding. You are only starting to doubt yourself because some time has passed and you're worried you won't find anyone else. You will. He isn't the one. For anyone.

HeartvsBrain · 10/12/2021 04:41

As others have said or intimated, please don't go back there, even if he begs you, and tells you how much he is missing you, or if he points out how amazing you are, and he really feels like he is falling in love with you. In fact if he does contact you and says anything like my suggestions above, then block contact immediately. This man is giving me the shivers, and definitely not in a nice way.

premium77 · 10/12/2021 06:19

Yes I recognise this too. If you’re talking about the guy who received a photo from his student then I think you should just put this to bed. Your temperaments are clearly incompatible.

rattlemehearties · 10/12/2021 06:32

Sounds like he enjoyed the fun honeymoon period but didn't enjoy you having opinions and boundaries (for him : drama). Good riddance

beastlyslumber · 10/12/2021 06:37

You set a boundary. He dumped ýou.

Why would you want him back? He sounds horrible.

XiCi · 10/12/2021 06:46

The fact that you would even consider taking him back shows a real lack of self respect and self esteem . Why on earth would you want a relationship with this man? If he's like this over a petty disagreement what do you think he would be like after an argument? Or would you spend your life walking on eggshells in case he disappeared again

nocnoc · 10/12/2021 06:52

You definitely dodged a bullet

Bogeyes · 10/12/2021 06:53

Is he a sulker? Run for the hills

XiCi · 10/12/2021 06:54

You did dodge a bullet but it sounds like you would go running back if he contacted you which is very worrying as he sounds awful. I'm sure this sort of twattery would ramp up if you were stupid enough to take him back.

MrsJackWhicher · 10/12/2021 06:57

I don’t think the exact details matter of what he sent. The issue is the way he reacted to a disagreement. I have wasted too much time on people like this.
I do think that text exchange is a minefield tho. I am in a relationship with a person whose communication style is completely different to mine. He doesn’t use social media and I now realise is used to written communications being about work rather than social chit chat. It took a while for me to ‘train’ him in the niceties of messaging and he now understands the putting a kiss on messages doe not mean a marriage proposal😁 I realise that the different styles could have led to misunderstandings. Unless it is purely transactional message I now leave a voice WhatsApp as it is easier to give nuance in a voice message.

Original poster
LilJim · 10/12/2021 07:22

@WinterForest5

This sounds exactly like a guy I dated from online. Like weirdly eerily familiar. Are you in the south east per chance?
Not in the SE, must be a few of them about!
OP posts:
Original poster
LilJim · 10/12/2021 07:25

@Bogeyes

Is he a sulker? Run for the hills
Yes, he's actually described himself as a sulker before.
OP posts:
supercali77 · 10/12/2021 07:37

The boundaries you institute in yourself are the essential ones. You did the right thing, questioned something that made you very uncomfortable. Now is the hard bit.

There was a misunderstanding over text, subsequently apologised for your part, and he did a total 180 from keen and interested to distant, cold and uncommunicative. There is a disconnect there from one state to the other and youre left not understanding. We don't always communicate perfectly what makes us uncomfortable, and when someone reacts radically we can assume we did something wrong. But most reasonable people who want to be with us will take the time to resolve things. He hasn't. Thats the essential part. Youre not going to find the perfect replacement right away. Maybe just take Christmas, see friends and family and realise you were true to yourself. Take that for the small victory it is x

FinallyHere · 10/12/2021 07:42

@RiverSkater

Sounds like you established some boundaries and he didn't like it.

Best you knew this early on.

This wot @RiverSkater said

You are swayed by the absence of any other suitable candidates at the moment.

Give your self a break and stop pining for him. There is no fun in a relationship with someone who reacted as he did.

Best you know up front.

MrsLarry · 10/12/2021 08:00

I think he decided your overreaction to what he sent made you just not worth it. He could clearly see your relationship was just going to be full of unnecessary drama. You need to move on.

ittakes2 · 10/12/2021 08:08

Honestly, things are not meant to be this hard. If they are this hard early on you have dodged a bullet so put him in the past and move on.

gamerchick · 10/12/2021 08:10

@RiverSkater

Sounds like you established some boundaries and he didn't like it.

Best you knew this early on.

Yup
OnwardsAndSideways1 · 10/12/2021 08:12

I also think I remember this situation, it wasn't a misunderstanding though, he sent you on a photo of a younger female student who had sent one of herself to him (which he shouldn't have done), Your friends thought it was an unprofessional/ikky move, you did too, you let him know, he dumped you and now doesn't want to go back.

At the time everyone told you you had done the right thing but now you are doubting yourself.

I hear you that online dating is crap, but I don't think this guy was for you, if he was he wouldn't be sending you this text (was there some inappropriateness about the whole thing, why had he given his phone no to a younger female student?) and he'd be trying to re-establish your relationship.

Sleephappy · 10/12/2021 08:12

@MrsLarry

I think he decided your overreaction to what he sent made you just not worth it. He could clearly see your relationship was just going to be full of unnecessary drama. You need to move on.
How do you know it was an over reaction?! You don’t even know what was sent, why are you siding with this guy who admits he sulks and has run at the first sign of disagreement. That’s not how adults act and shows he either doesn’t like being called out, doesn’t like op having boundaries, didn’t actually like op enough or is an adult baby. None of those are worth missing or pining over. Lucky escape more like
MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 10/12/2021 08:18

He sent you a dick pic, you said no thanks, his ego burst like a popped balloon and he sulked, you got your escape before you were committed. It’s a happy ending.

Next!

Aprilx · 10/12/2021 08:28

Oh yes I remember a thread about a student (adult student) that sent photo to the posters boyfriend. If that was you, I think you blamed him for it?

Negligee · 10/12/2021 08:38

I remember your other post, OP. I don’t think it was a ‘misunderstanding via text’ at all — I think you objected to something he did and he got the hump. It doesn’t show him in a good light as a human being or as a professional. Why are you sounding as if you’re trying to rewrite history now?

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