Hello MEN of Mumsnet - part 2

[bunglebells]

Had a really interesting thread last week asking to hear from MEN who DON'T use pornography (whether ever, have stopped or reduced). I, and others, found it genuinely interesting as often (including on here) it is claimed these men literally do not exist. Was in response to the numerous threads debating the subject - it did inevitably become an ethical debate but that's to be expected.

So, hello same, or different men!

Is there any of you (or men you know) that WOULD NOT GO TO A STRIP CLUB, BUT YOU HAVE DONE IN THE PAST. I suppose, like the porn question, I am interested to know why you have changed your mind/actions.

Again numerous threads debating it. Not asking the rights or wrongs, or particularly those that do it as a hobby or want to argue it's empowering (is it even allowed at the moment?).

I'm interested in hearing from mumsnet men respectfully. There's some self interest here - can these things be something done when younger, silly, unthinking, drunk, without thought and left in the past....

...again I have been wanting to ask this for some time as it's so polarised in general and am wondering if there is ever really scope for nuance and personal evolution?

Porn is pretty common now due to being able to access it on your phone through the likes of reddit and men are pretty rare on MN so you're looking for a minority of a minority.

So I’ve been to a few in the past yes.
Either as a part of a stag do
Or a when client wanted go to one

I have never had a private dance and have never been as part of a normal night out.
I’ve probably not stepped foot in one on over a decade.

Not participating as such I did talk with a lot of the women who on the whole seemed quite happy to chat if not busy and got the impression most were in control of their lives and thought us men very pretty dumb to spend so much money to see a fanny.

My main dislike was the people who owned the clubs - almost certainly organised crime rather than the ethics.

@Chickenkatsu

Porn is pretty common now due to being able to access it on your phone through the likes of reddit and men are pretty rare on MN so you're looking for a minority of a minority.

Agree. The porn thread last week did yield some good replies and insight from (mostly) reasonable men.

This is about stripping.

@Wherearemymarbles

So I’ve been to a few in the past yes. Either as a part of a stag do Or a when client wanted go to one

I have never had a private dance and have never been as part of a normal night out.
I’ve probably not stepped foot in one on over a decade.

Not participating as such I did talk with a lot of the women who on the whole seemed quite happy to chat if not busy and got the impression most were in control of their lives and thought us men very pretty dumb to spend so much money to see a fanny.

My main dislike was the people who owned the clubs - almost certainly organised crime rather than the ethics.

Do you think on the whole they're acceptable? Did you then? Suppose I'm asking... as per last weeks thread... if your views have changed as well as your actions?

I went to one once as part of a stag do around I guess 2010 ish, honestly had no idea it was a strip club at first ! I was simply following everyone else around an unfamilar city from pub to bar to pub. Later on we went into a place that had a standard darkened dance floor with disco lights... but we went upstairs which was better lit and reminded me of a small school hall (keep in mind, had been drinking for the past 8 hours and I rarely drink at all so I was not quick on the uptake). The bar was tiny - I could have touched both sides if I held my arms out.
Then suddenly there was an announcement over a PA system which I didn't really catch and a woman walked on stage and started dancing around a pole my mind hadn't actually registered beforehand. She was in her undies and I was honestly amazed at how she held herself upside down and swung around the pole - if you have never seen it, I suggest you do - it's honestly an outstanding piece of acrobatics regardless of clothing/lack of. She left the stage after a couple of mins and then some other women came out amongst the tables the punters were gathered around and my poorly functioning brain suddenly had a light switch come on. I watched them go from table to table and again was truly impressed how they could keep an expression of engagment when it was obvious the patrons were drunk idiots that couldn't string more than a couple of sentences together.

Private dances were brought for the groom out of the remains of the beer money by the best man (grrr.. what a waste of money) and I left to go find the hotel. I was too drunk (and bored) to go dance in the standard nightclub area downstairs and couldn't see the point staying in the stripping area.

In the morning, found out one of the grooms friends (someone I cannot say I ever thought much of) had dropped over £300+ personally there ! Couldn't believe it, what a waste of money... he was married too.

Now I have seen one, can't say I ever thought it was worth going to see another. Even if it was free ! The women were to even my addled mind doing a job, nothing more - the warmth from their expressions was so clearly a mask they were wearing.

I think they’re unacceptable based on Ownership structure and I would say are a conduit to prostitution controlled by organised crime So my views on that haven't changed but i am more concerned by ethics today.

I wouldn’t go these days if i was on a stag do. I’d suggest perhaps we had grown out of it.

I have been to them on stag dos (excluding my own, I was strict on this). I haven't paid for a private dance but many of the groups I have been with have done so.

Maybe it is just my circles but I think it is highly unusual for men to go to strip clubs as part of a normal night out

I've been to a few, and a couple of 'Gentlemens nights', when in my 20's (mid 50's now) when out in a group who were up for it.

In every case I found it sleazy, not remotely a turn-on, and frankly a bit embarrassing. And I'm a bloke with a pretty high sex drive.

Each to their own, but it's not something I have any interest in ever doing again.

@user1471423151

I've been to a few, and a couple of 'Gentlemens nights', when in my 20's (mid 50's now) when out in a group who were up for it.

In every case I found it sleazy, not remotely a turn-on, and frankly a bit embarrassing. And I'm a bloke with a pretty high sex drive.

Each to their own, but it's not something I have any interest in ever doing again.

Woulld you say it was peer pressure? Curiosity? Ambivalence? In terms of - at the time - going back to these things that didn't really do it for you - so to speak

@YRGAM

I have been to them on stag dos (excluding my own, I was strict on this). I haven't paid for a private dance but many of the groups I have been with have done so.

Maybe it is just my circles but I think it is highly unusual for men to go to strip clubs as part of a normal night out

Apparently not. I would have thought the same. Stag night or weirdo solo men is what I imagined. But it is a thing apparently. Or was ...

@Findwen

I went to one once as part of a stag do around I guess 2010 ish, honestly had no idea it was a strip club at first ! I was simply following everyone else around an unfamilar city from pub to bar to pub. Later on we went into a place that had a standard darkened dance floor with disco lights... but we went upstairs which was better lit and reminded me of a small school hall (keep in mind, had been drinking for the past 8 hours and I rarely drink at all so I was not quick on the uptake). The bar was tiny - I could have touched both sides if I held my arms out. Then suddenly there was an announcement over a PA system which I didn't really catch and a woman walked on stage and started dancing around a pole my mind hadn't actually registered beforehand. She was in her undies and I was honestly amazed at how she held herself upside down and swung around the pole - if you have never seen it, I suggest you do - it's honestly an outstanding piece of acrobatics regardless of clothing/lack of. She left the stage after a couple of mins and then some other women came out amongst the tables the punters were gathered around and my poorly functioning brain suddenly had a light switch come on. I watched them go from table to table and again was truly impressed how they could keep an expression of engagment when it was obvious the patrons were drunk idiots that couldn't string more than a couple of sentences together.

Private dances were brought for the groom out of the remains of the beer money by the best man (grrr.. what a waste of money) and I left to go find the hotel. I was too drunk (and bored) to go dance in the standard nightclub area downstairs and couldn't see the point staying in the stripping area.

In the morning, found out one of the grooms friends (someone I cannot say I ever thought much of) had dropped over £300+ personally there ! Couldn't believe it, what a waste of money... he was married too.

Now I have seen one, can't say I ever thought it was worth going to see another. Even if it was free ! The women were to even my addled mind doing a job, nothing more - the warmth from their expressions was so clearly a mask they were wearing.

Honest governor (or significant other ) I had no idea it was a strip cllub. Funnily story. What were you drinking. All sounds grim anyway - the club!

I had never actually been to a strip club until I met my wife, and she was the one who took me there. While there was nothing specifically enjoyable, there was a definite sexual energy. She and I have talked about strip clubs, and that sexual energy is why she enjoys them.

One thing I did find odd, though to each their own I suppose, was that she has bought me lap dances so she could watch. Her enjoyment there, as she explains it, is that it triggers a feeling of jealousy and territorialism, while still being safe in that the stripper isn't actually going to be sleeping with me or anything.

@samyeagar

I had never actually been to a strip club until I met my wife, and she was the one who took me there. While there was nothing specifically enjoyable, there was a definite sexual energy. She and I have talked about strip clubs, and that sexual energy is why she enjoys them.

One thing I did find odd, though to each their own I suppose, was that she has bought me lap dances so she could watch. Her enjoyment there, as she explains it, is that it triggers a feeling of jealousy and territorialism, while still being safe in that the stripper isn't actually going to be sleeping with me or anything.

Wow!

Would you go on your own? With men? Do you find it sexy yourself or is it to satisfy her "thing"

I know some women go with their partners but I have to say that this is new to me. She wants to feel jealous?

How would you feel the other way around - young, well hung man doing it for her? Would you feel jealous?

Eh, nah, wouldn't go on my own. The clubs that we have been to, the women have been attractive, and there wasn't anything bad about the experience, but it was not so good that I would bother with it on my own. The shared experience with my wife, sure. The thing is, the times we have gone, easily 1/3 of the crowd were women. So yeah, I guess it is more to satisfy her thing.

As far as the other way around...nope for a number of reasons. One big one is the difference between female and male strip clubs. Quickest way to get booted from a female strip club is to start having wandering hands. The male clubs, it's all about getting the touching going. I also know my wife well enough that when the alcohol starts flowing, boundaries start to loosen. She is self aware of that as well, which is why she wouldn't go either. A few years back at my daughters destination hen do, shenanigans were had that nearly ended multiple relationships. Was not an enjoyable feeling.

Similar to other posters I’ve only been as part of stag dos and then only once or twice. Didn’t have one for my stag.

Didn’t enjoy either time, just such a seedy environment. Doubt I’ll go again now I’m mid 40s, though whether I’d be strong enough to say no if enough peer pressure was applied I’m not sure

I’d be interested in a woman’s view on what is worse, hard core violent porn use or strip club attendence?

@Slackbladder22

Similar to other posters I’ve only been as part of stag dos and then only once or twice. Didn’t have one for my stag.

Didn’t enjoy either time, just such a seedy environment. Doubt I’ll go again now I’m mid 40s, though whether I’d be strong enough to say no if enough peer pressure was applied I’m not sure

I’d be interested in a woman’s view on what is worse, hard core violent porn use or strip club attendence?

Well what a choice hey?

I think hardcore violent is worrying. Some would say fantasy is fantasy but it is a massive turn off and worry for me. I think on balance this is fundamentally a weird choice of porn.

If my partner went to a strip club in any form when in a relationship with me (unless agreed or together - neither of which is a possibility) I also think it would a deal breaker.

My current partner isn't into violent porn. Used to watch softer (I think I believe he doesn't now), and has been to a local club (fairly regularly with friends) when younger. I think that's grim too.

I suppose though many men end up in the clubs, and it's all mostly mindless and drunken. The violent porn is intentional so in the ink it's probably worse.

Not excusing the clubs, but I think even from this thread being in one isn't always a sign that you're actually a big fan of them?

I'm a woman of Mumsnet (so you don't want to hear from me but I'm barging in anyway) and some time in the late 1980s I went to a normal neighbourhood pub in Clapham South. It was a smallish pub on the corner of a couple of streets kind of thing. It was a Sunday lunch time and I went with my friend who lived nearby and her flat mates. We were in our mid 20s her flat mates maybe a little older. Quite out of the blue, I wasn't prepared for it at all, a woman came onto the tiny stage in the corner of the room, danced and stripped naked and then went round the pub (still totally naked) and asked for tips in a pint glass. Grim and I'm kind of surprised that my female friend thought it was OK to go there.

@A580Hojas

I'm a woman of Mumsnet (so you don't want to hear from me but I'm barging in anyway) and some time in the late 1980s I went to a normal neighbourhood pub in Clapham South. It was a smallish pub on the corner of a couple of streets kind of thing. It was a Sunday lunch time and I went with my friend who lived nearby and her flat mates. We were in our mid 20s her flat mates maybe a little older. Quite out of the blue, I wasn't prepared for it at all, a woman came onto the tiny stage in the corner of the room, danced and stripped naked and then went round the pub (still totally naked) and asked for tips in a pint glass. Grim and I'm kind of surprised that my female friend thought it was OK to go there.

Barge away 🤣

@A580Hojas

I'm a woman of Mumsnet (so you don't want to hear from me but I'm barging in anyway) and some time in the late 1980s I went to a normal neighbourhood pub in Clapham South. It was a smallish pub on the corner of a couple of streets kind of thing. It was a Sunday lunch time and I went with my friend who lived nearby and her flat mates. We were in our mid 20s her flat mates maybe a little older. Quite out of the blue, I wasn't prepared for it at all, a woman came onto the tiny stage in the corner of the room, danced and stripped naked and then went round the pub (still totally naked) and asked for tips in a pint glass. Grim and I'm kind of surprised that my female friend thought it was OK to go there.

I've heard of this. So bizarre and just so out of my ability to comprehend. Apparently it is entertainment. Something very troubling about a room full of clothed men (and obvs women) and one naked women? Is it automatically troubling for others?

My first experience of seeing a stripper was my mates older brothers stag do, I was probably about 16, but this was in a pub room not a club as such.
2nd was what was used to be known as a “gentleman’s night”, was a student at the time, me and 3 others went, there was a comic , band and stripper, I spoke to her afterwards, she was also a student, stripping to pay her way through college (I was working in bars and factories)
3rd time was in a pub in London, over 10 years age, having some after work drinks and a stripper comes on, does her routine and goes round looking for tips, similar to poster above.
Never been to a club, can’t really see the point,

Never been or even close to going a d I’m 50.
Just never even crossed my path or as far as I know any of my mates, no one has ever mentioned going to one anyway.
Maybe it’s a London / big city thing?
I’m in the West Country.

@FabulousMrFifty

My first experience of seeing a stripper was my mates older brothers stag do, I was probably about 16, but this was in a pub room not a club as such. 2nd was what was used to be known as a “gentleman’s night”, was a student at the time, me and 3 others went, there was a comic , band and stripper, I spoke to her afterwards, she was also a student, stripping to pay her way through college (I was working in bars and factories) 3rd time was in a pub in London, over 10 years age, having some after work drinks and a stripper comes on, does her routine and goes round looking for tips, similar to poster above. Never been to a club, can’t really see the point,

I think the point is you get to see naked women. Dancing. Right there. Naked. For you (well, not you, but you know )

Never been and never particularly wanted to.

Mind you, a few years ago I was in central London for work and went out in the early evening to find somewhere to eat. I was walking up Tottenham Court Road when in front of me an incredibly beautiful woman got out of a taxi and crossed the pavement to enter a building. When I got to the building, it was Spearmint Rhino . . .

A few years back at my daughters destination hen do, shenanigans were had that nearly ended multiple relationships. Was not an enjoyable feeling

That sure makes a change from stag do's nearly ending multiple relationships.

@bunglebells
The pub stripper was probably one of the least erotic experiences I’ve ever had, I think my root canal was more enjoyable,