Thirsty for gym instructor

[ConnyTheConnifer]

I've name changed.
I know I'll get flamed.
I deserve to get flamed.

I'm married. I'm mid-30s. My husband is wonderful. Our relationship is wonderful. I am really happy. I wouldn't change a thing about my life.

A few months ago I joined a new gym. I love it. I go to classes four times a week. There is a guy who takes two of these classes - let's call him Barry.

I have a massive crush on Barry. It's pathetic. He's only 22. He's not my 'usual' type. But he's got some sexy magnetism going on. He's a bit flirty. I know he does it as part of his job but I like it. I haven't flirted with anyone for years. One of the other women at Barry's classes said he's noticeably flirty with me. Another said "he likes you". I felt flattered.

I can't change classes because he does specific ones and I love the exercise he does (like he's not just teaching generic fitness or HIIT classes but a particular type of exercise like judo, but not judo). Plus I've just paid for six months 'top-up' so I can keep going to Barry's classes.

I have had several sex dreams about Barry. As well as more generic dreams about him. I stalk him on social media a bit. I often think about us kissing.

I would hate the thought that DP had these feelings about another woman, let alone a woman in her early 20s. But I'm crushing hard on Barry. What do I do to get Barry out of my head?

I wish Barry was his real name - I'm not sure I could dream-orgasm about a man called Barry, not matter how hot he was.

You really need to check yourself here because you’re on dangerous ground - a lot of excuses on why you can’t leave the classes or the gym. You love it, you’ve just paid for a top up, etc.

Do you love the classes, the gym or the top-up more than you love your husband? If the answer is no, then you know what you need to do.

If you believe you have the willpower to keep it all in check without leaving his classes or the gym (you are an adult, of course you have the willpower), then what ‘advice’ are you looking for?

He's probably flirting with you so you book extra classes. I bet he does the same in every session he runs. I'm sorry I sound bitchy, but it's likely true. Keep him as a fantasy or convince yourself he's got a willy like a peanut.

Apparent when der men think sexuly about younger women, or, shock horror, watch porn of younger women, they're borderline paedophile so be careful on the replies you get

This is common - crush on handsome fit young man
In his best interest to flirt with you !
You've already paid for 6 months !

Imagine this was your husband writing this and you came on and read this

You would be devastated
Give your head a wobble

I too have a crush on my gym instructor. Unfortunately, he's about 30 years younger than me.

Try to imagine him on the toilet. That's usually enough to give me the ick

I’d imagine Gym Instructors have clients going all moon eyed at them all the time.

@baileys6904 what are you on about?

It's pretty much compulsory to have a crush on a good class instructor. I'm a straight middle aged woman who has been taking classes for over 30 years and I've crushed on many, male, female, gay, straight, old and young alike. I think it must be connected to the release of endorphins during a great class.

Don't kid yourself these feelings are mutual. If you are attending regularly and working hard he will be appreciative of your efforts and be friendly. Quite apart from anything else part of keeping class numbers up is developing a good rapport with regular clients. It's all part being a professional.

My daughter is a normally attractive young woman who in her 'normal life' gets a normal amount of male attention. In her part time role as a spin and aerobics instructor male clients ask her out pretty much every week. She doesn't think that she suddenly becomes a dazzling beauty when she teaches, she takes it as a sign they are enjoying her classes.

Nothing wrong with looking - makes the world go round but if he asks you for a drink, think twice.... But enjoy the attention!

It's not illegal to have a crush on your fitness instructor. It's sort of mandatory. Use it as the excuse you need to keep you fit. But recognise it for what it is - a crush. It's just lust. As long as the only action you take is keeping on keeping fit, no problem.

@baileys6904

Apparent when der men think sexuly about younger women, or, shock horror, watch porn of younger women, they're borderline paedophile so be careful on the replies you get

Have you posted on the correct thread?

I think I can make out what you mean but it doesn't apply to the OPs situation.

I've got a crush on my gym instructor and she's a she, so am I! I am happily married, I don't kid myself it's anything serious. You do sound like your possibly straying into potentially slightly dangerous territory though that said ...

baileys6904

I don't think either are young enough, I can see what you're trying to get at

It’s pretty normal. As time goes on - you’ll get used to Barry. Then some other instructor can catch your eye. It’s OK. You are just human.
Channel the sexual energy you get fantasising about him into your sexual life with your H. You can oven imagine Barry as you are having sex with your H. It is really just a fantasy.

It’s flattering when a 22yo flirts with you. So - enjoy and don’t worry too much.

Sounds like a bit of limerence going on there.

I'm fairly sure gym instructors have training on how deal with clients hitting on them which would suggest it is a very regular occurrence.

Every gym class I have been to there had been flirting, it keeps people coming to class and that's how they make their money.

I suppose one thing that could help curb the crush is to lay out a post divorce plan making sure it does not include the gym instructor, because no way he'd want to be part of it. See if that would look like what you want going forward.

Just because you're married, doesn't mean you don'f fancy or find other people attractive. Just don't act on it. If you're struggling to keep a lid on it then change classes. Marriage is worth more than 6 months top up. When I started at the gym I quite fancied my instructor, tbh it kept me going to the gym longer than I normally would, which was no bad thing.. it soon wore off when I got fed up if going to the gym

Male gym instructors do this with women so you will book more sessions and spend more money! I know this because I have worked in gyms. Not to say he wouldn't have a sweaty quickie with you in your car - but he would blank you afterwards.

How can you have such a strong sexual fantasy about another man if your relationship is so "wonderful?" You wouldn't, because your head just wouldn't be in that place. I feel sorry for your husband - it sounds like the shape of things to come :(

It's a crush
It will vanish as fast as it arrived

Excellent thread title though.

Oh what a lot of silly replies.

This is called life, OP.

You'll have a fair few more Barries in your life, let me tell you..oh for decades.

And marriages would last longer if we were honest about this.

Enjoy the crush. Do not let it progress, because that's likely to be silly and Barrie probably doesn't pick up his pants from the bathroom floor and drinks anchovies out of their tomato juice tin. He has anger management issues and a weird fascination with his brother's wife. He also only eats tuna on Monday to Thursday and drinks too many pints in uninteresting chain pubs on weekends.

Youre not a bad person.

This is OK.

Keep your sense of reality and humour x

Couple of things…
My DH works in this industry, but as an S&C coach at an elite level, not in a gym. He does know a lot of trainers trying to get out of the industry though, because it’s an absolute snake pit.
He may think you’re hot.
He might like you as a friend.
He might admire your dedication to working out because few women d’un certain age keep at it.
He may flirt a lot because it keeps the women coming back and money in his pocket. (Gets some guys an almost cult-like status with middle-aged women which they play on and secretly laugh at them behind their backs. It’s an absolutely cut-throat industry so they do whatever works.)
Then… the most important thing you need to know for yourself. When you train and get fit, you don’t just look hotter and feel more confidant, you produce more natural testosterone which makes you hornier. (This is why all women should definitely work out - looks at gym under house that is currently covered in drying clothes guiltily..) You need to channel those hormones and put them to good use, Baby!!! Those of us on the other side of menopause (not sure if you are or not) should be told this bit by every doctor we see! It’s good for our bone health and helps keep our libido ticking over!!!

Great post @Yummypumpkin 😆 I love the details of Barry’s life! But also your serious comments are sensible and true.

"Thirsty for Barry"🤣🤣🤣

Come on... behave. If you calm down and don't get carried away, this crush will pass

@AndTime

I'm fairly sure gym instructors have training on how deal with clients hitting on them which would suggest it is a very regular occurrence.

Every gym class I have been to there had been flirting, it keeps people coming to class and that's how they make their money.

Yes they do, they have a list of hotels with comfy beds. It's all part of the package when they receive the training.