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Original poster

Thirsty for gym instructor

65 replies

ConnyTheConnifer · 02/12/2021 17:32

I've name changed.
I know I'll get flamed.
I deserve to get flamed.

I'm married. I'm mid-30s. My husband is wonderful. Our relationship is wonderful. I am really happy. I wouldn't change a thing about my life.

A few months ago I joined a new gym. I love it. I go to classes four times a week. There is a guy who takes two of these classes - let's call him Barry.

I have a massive crush on Barry. It's pathetic. He's only 22. He's not my 'usual' type. But he's got some sexy magnetism going on. He's a bit flirty. I know he does it as part of his job but I like it. I haven't flirted with anyone for years. One of the other women at Barry's classes said he's noticeably flirty with me. Another said "he likes you". I felt flattered.

I can't change classes because he does specific ones and I love the exercise he does (like he's not just teaching generic fitness or HIIT classes but a particular type of exercise like judo, but not judo). Plus I've just paid for six months 'top-up' so I can keep going to Barry's classes.

I have had several sex dreams about Barry. As well as more generic dreams about him. I stalk him on social media a bit. I often think about us kissing.

I would hate the thought that DP had these feelings about another woman, let alone a woman in her early 20s. But I'm crushing hard on Barry. What do I do to get Barry out of my head?

I wish Barry was his real name - I'm not sure I could dream-orgasm about a man called Barry, not matter how hot he was.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 03/12/2021 06:49

Ah crushes are healthy sometimes. Just channel it into your husband, time to top up your bond.

Bagelsandbrie · 03/12/2021 06:53

Laugh about it. Ignore it. Don’t feed it. If you genuinely think it’s going to tip over into reality (ie he’s actually flirting with you / asking for your number / wanting to contact you outside the gym) then you immediately need to leave the gym. Otherwise crack on.

Bagelsandbrie · 03/12/2021 06:56

If it helps and you really don’t like the name Barry just keep calling him Barry in your head. Wasn’t the nerdy guy from the Cillit Bang ads called Barry - “bang and the dirt is gone” Grin - well, don’t bang obviously…!

Dozer · 03/12/2021 06:56

Grin ‘I can't change classes because he does specific ones and I love the exercise he does‘

Vs

‘Thirsty for Barry’

beardeddragon174 · 03/12/2021 06:56

@yummypumpkin I adore your post.

OP - enjoy the fantasies, don't act on it, your crush will pass. It's just a crush, we all have them.

anon12345678901 · 03/12/2021 06:56

Haha this industry is notorious for flirting with members, it's an easy way to get people to come back to classes. I used to work in it, some instructors would cheat with anyone, some wouldn't but liked a flirt to get people to come back.
There's nothing wrong with a harmless crush, just be careful. You can find people attractive when in a relationship.

Dery · 03/12/2021 07:17

“You'll have a fair few more Barries in your life, let me tell you..oh for decades.

And marriages would last longer if we were honest about this.

Enjoy the crush. Do not let it progress, because that's likely to be silly and Barrie probably doesn't pick up his pants from the bathroom floor and drinks anchovies out of their tomato juice tin. He has anger management issues and a weird fascination with his brother's wife. He also only eats tuna on Monday to Thursday and drinks too many pints in uninteresting chain pubs on weekends.”

This with bells on. Completely agree there should be more honesty about this. Marriage vows would be unnecessary if the whole rest of the world ceased to be attractive when we got married or committed long-term.

The whole point of commitment to your partner is that you put your love for and commitment to them above attractions to other people. It doesn’t mean you never feel them. I love my husband deeply and can’t imagine a future without him but I have feelings for other people periodically. I’m sure he does too. I think it’s normal. Commitment is about not acting on these feelings. The crush only matters if you let it.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 03/12/2021 07:21

I think you need to remember that Barry has zero sexual interest in you. To Barry, you are a middle-aged woman with a crush on him and if he can get you to think it’s reciprocal, you will keep paying money to tend his classes. In your head, you have some sort of The Graduate/Maggie May situation playing out. When he looks at you, he sees pound signs.

Bagelsandbrie · 03/12/2021 07:30

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

I think you need to remember that Barry has zero sexual interest in you. To Barry, you are a middle-aged woman with a crush on him and if he can get you to think it’s reciprocal, you will keep paying money to tend his classes. In your head, you have some sort of The Graduate/Maggie May situation playing out. When he looks at you, he sees pound signs.
Mid 30s is hardly middle aged….! My now dh was 22 when I met him - I was 32 and divorced with a 5 year old. We’ve been together 15 years now. I mean that’s a bit irrelevant as the op shouldn’t be seriously considering anything with Barry anyway but the ages aren’t relevant.
SparklingStars10 · 03/12/2021 07:37

There’s nothing wrong with fantasising, as long as that’s all it is.

baileys6904 · 03/12/2021 08:29

Sorry for the confusion.
I'm on about a post less than a week ago where posters were calling blokes that watch younger women (still adults mind) in porn paedophiles due to the blokes being older than the the girls they watch.

Yet when it's females sexually attracted to younger men, it's applauded and normalised ( which I actually agree with).

Its the double standards on mumsnet again. Which, I apologise to the OP for jumping on their thread about, is displayed here.

OP as per the posts here, enjoy the crush. Everyone needs a bit of gym motivation!

Monalotmoore · 03/12/2021 08:33

Can't change classes absolute rubbish. You can change flipping gyms! But I bet there's a convenient ex

Monalotmoore · 03/12/2021 08:33

Excuse why you can't possibly do that.

Touty · 03/12/2021 08:37

Ive been in the ops situation, PT started flirting and showing me attention, he was georgous. turned into an obsession, I told the PT I was in love with him, constantly fantasized about sex with him and starting a new life etc was ready to leave me husband, I was in a good marriage with a wonderful man! I don't know where my head was! I think I had taken leave of my senses. Nothing ever happened, it was all in my head. Luckily for me the PT was all bullshit talk and no action. I think they get friendly to keep the money coming in.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 03/12/2021 08:37

What would you want/ expect your husband to do if this was him and a young, female instructor?

Do that.

Sharletonz · 03/12/2021 08:41

@ConnyTheConnifer

I've name changed. I know I'll get flamed. I deserve to get flamed.

I'm married. I'm mid-30s. My husband is wonderful. Our relationship is wonderful. I am really happy. I wouldn't change a thing about my life.

A few months ago I joined a new gym. I love it. I go to classes four times a week. There is a guy who takes two of these classes - let's call him Barry.

I have a massive crush on Barry. It's pathetic. He's only 22. He's not my 'usual' type. But he's got some sexy magnetism going on. He's a bit flirty. I know he does it as part of his job but I like it. I haven't flirted with anyone for years. One of the other women at Barry's classes said he's noticeably flirty with me. Another said "he likes you". I felt flattered.

I can't change classes because he does specific ones and I love the exercise he does (like he's not just teaching generic fitness or HIIT classes but a particular type of exercise like judo, but not judo). Plus I've just paid for six months 'top-up' so I can keep going to Barry's classes.

I have had several sex dreams about Barry. As well as more generic dreams about him. I stalk him on social media a bit. I often think about us kissing.

I would hate the thought that DP had these feelings about another woman, let alone a woman in her early 20s. But I'm crushing hard on Barry. What do I do to get Barry out of my head?

I wish Barry was his real name - I'm not sure I could dream-orgasm about a man called Barry, not matter how hot he was.

I'll tell you a story.. I fell for my gym instructor.. Shortly after he enticed me. I saw the real him. An abuser. I had a child with him, both our daughter and I had to flee domestic abuse with just our possessions in black bin liners. It's been 18 months and I'm vehemently fighting him through the family court. Save yourself the hassle.. Stop acting like a love struck teenager and get a grip.
Sharletonz · 03/12/2021 08:43

Of all the names you could've picked.. You chose Barry.
Sexy

turnaroundtime · 03/12/2021 08:45

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross

I think you need to remember that Barry has zero sexual interest in you. To Barry, you are a middle-aged woman with a crush on him and if he can get you to think it’s reciprocal, you will keep paying money to tend his classes. In your head, you have some sort of The Graduate/Maggie May situation playing out. When he looks at you, he sees pound signs.
Oh please. The OP is mid 30s not middle aged. I've had 20/30 something hit on me and I'm in my early 50s. Away with your ageist views.
turnaroundtime · 03/12/2021 08:46

@Sharletonz are you SERIOUSLY suggesting that all gym instructors are abusers??? Your story is a sad one but kind of irrelevant to the OPs situation

Sharletonz · 03/12/2021 08:48

No. I'm just telling her not to go there as you never know who someone is fully.
She's married, she's happy in her marriage, why entertain it.

HailAdrian · 03/12/2021 08:49

I'm so pleased I don't fancy any of the instructors at my gym, I'm definitely not at my most attractive there.

Skysblue · 03/12/2021 08:55

It happens. You love someone and marry them, and then eventually one day you stumble across someone else who could have made you happy. Very happy perhaps. They’re gorgeous and they like you too. So what do you do?

You recognise that fancying someone else is not a big deal unless you make it one. It happens to everybody. Only weak people act on it or take it seriously. And where as here it’s someone older lusting after someone much younger and fitter - it is a bit pathetic to be honest.

Stop making excuses and find a new sport.

CSJobseeker · 03/12/2021 08:57

Crushes happen to everyone, the main thing is that you keep it firmly in its box and don't let it have an impact in reality. It'll pass, they usually do.

He is almost certainly flirting as part of his routine to attract clients, and that fine as long as everyone involved see it for what it is.

With Barry you are only seeing the most glamorous bit of his life, whereas with your husband you see everything. I agree with a PP that if you saw what Barry was like at home (drinking milk straight from the fridge, leaving random dirty socks lying around, never ever cleaning the loo properly) the attraction would soon pall.

turnaroundtime · 03/12/2021 09:01

@Sharletonz

No. I'm just telling her not to go there as you never know who someone is fully. She's married, she's happy in her marriage, why entertain it.
Very true
FreeBritnee · 03/12/2021 09:02

God I’d just enjoy it to be honest. Go home and fuck your husband when you’re horny. I’m sure he won’t mind. They can’t read your thoughts just yet!