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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What made you fall in love with your partner?

92 replies

WafflesOrIceCream · 30/11/2021 22:05

Just that really...

For me it was the way my OH was there for me when I was having some problems.

What did it for you??

OP posts:

Pascal80 · 01/12/2021 03:28

*Life not Left - sorry

RaisedByPangolins · 01/12/2021 04:24

Pheromones. I accidentally told him I loved him the night I met him while he was snogging me up against a wall . I’m my defence I was very drunk.

The feeling of giddiness was compounded by him being the total opposite of XH, very funny and a bit naughty, laid back, generous - all the things I’d been missing.

I had told him that XH used to go through my supermarket receipts to check what I’d spent and make me return anything that was too expensive or queue up for a refund if they hasn’t applied a discount etc. He would complain if I bought freshly squeezed orange juice, as he couldn’t tell the difference from the value stuff. So one night DP took me to Tesco and told me to choose whichever posh juice I wanted (and anything else too).

Another time I forgot my cinema pass and only realised as we got to the cinema. I was beating myself up for being so stupid and he calmly said “it’s ok, we’ll just pop home and get it”. I was gobsmacked that anyone could be so chilled about it, as XH would have made me feel so bad about it, and I’d internalised a lot of that critical nature.

It does seem like just “not being an arsehole” is enough sometimes!! But coupled with the intoxicating smell of his armpits I was in deep the moment I met him!

Phrenologistsfinger · 01/12/2021 05:07

I don’t think I am in love with him. I tried but he is emotionally cut off (ASD). We are companionable enough for now.

Buildingthefuture · 01/12/2021 07:48

When we went out for dinner for my friends 30th. Loads of other people were there too (who I didn’t really know) They all ordered lots of food & drink, ate it all, then promptly left without paying! She was a student and panicking about how to pay for it all. He said nothing, just quietly slipped off and paid for the whole thing. We had only been together 3 months and I thought then…he’s a keeper! That was 16 years ago, we’ve been married for 12

PermanentTemporary · 01/12/2021 07:57

The weekend that I didn't have to lift a finger. I was and am going through about the most stressful period of my life (I hope, if it's ever worse than this id rather die now) and I arrived in a very wobbly state and he just... did everything. Without the slightest effort or stress or making a Thing about it.

Plus some sexual things I won't go into...

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 01/12/2021 07:59

We were friends for a year before I considered anything romantic between us (he was seeing someone else at the time and I wouldn't have gone there. They broke up long before anything happened between us), but from the day we met I just knew I wanted him in my life. It just worked, we just complemented each other, he made me laugh, made me not take myself too seriously, and made me feel special. We were friends for a year and one day I just realized I was in love with him. I didn't care what anyone else thought, there just didn't seem to be any other possibility. Fortunately he felt the same.

MrsTimRiggins · 01/12/2021 08:04

I just got this calming overall sense of ‘oh, of course, you’re my person’ when I was with him, right from the first date, and he had this lovely accepting way about him, like I could tell him anything and he’d not judge 🥰
Plus he’s so good in bed

layladomino · 02/12/2021 12:12

It was a slow burner for me. We'd known each other ages, then found ourselves single at the same time. We talked and laughed about loads before it became anything like flirty. Had very similar outlooks on life and sense of humour. He became more keen, I wasn't sure. Then one day I went in for a kiss just to see, and - wow! Life changed.

I've always felt calm, safe, comfortable with him. I don't want the fireworks and starry eyes thank you - give me my safe, dependable, loyal, reliable, sexy husband any day!

Avarua · 02/12/2021 12:35

There were fireworks when I first met him, basic animal attraction.
But what really won my heart was the day he came over to my flat and assembled my bedroom furniture, which had been sent I'm flatpacks. He did it effortlessly and I was ❤️

Rosebean92liveson · 02/12/2021 16:28

I love this thread!

For me it was when I had 2 guinea pigs and one of them died of old age. A few weeks later he came home with a baby guinea pig in a box as a surprise as my remaining guinea pig was getting lonely and I knew then he was the one for me lol

YukoandHiro · 02/12/2021 16:30

Same here, sort of. I had a moderate period of illness (during a time when we were just friends) and he was one of the only friends who really understood and cared about it.

Tempnamelady · 02/12/2021 16:49

A work friendship of over 15 years, two very unhappy and at times abusive marriages that we stuck at for the sake of our families . We were each other confidantes for years but there was no impropriety.
He had my back over and over again , and I will never forget him calling me anxiously a few years ago when I had a two week referral appointment for a breast lump and told me he had been worried all day, my own husband didn’t even check in.
Cue a few years and we had an affair, I’m not even ashamed of it now, marriages were over more or less. We got together and it was bliss, he is nothing like a man I thought I would end up with , ageing, slightly overweight but the most loyal, reliable and kind man I have ever met.
I really thought this was my happy ending.
Sadly his wife neglected their teenage kids to the point they weren’t being fed, going to school and there was serious concerns over welfare, citing mental health issues and saying she would kill herself. The kids were distraught and so he’s gone back, leading a separate life from his wife ( they had their decree nisi through that she instigated , she couldn’t wait to get him out of the house and was violent to him most nights for over a year and arrested a couple of times). He does everything at home whilst she stays in bed and is still drunk and abusive.
So in spite of knowing for a fact that he was my soul mate and he says I am his ( which I do believe) , he had chosen his kids over me. I totally get it and the kind of man he is , is the reason why I love him so much. I’m just so very sad that it hasn’t worked out. I am not interested in anyone else and so at 50 , it looks as though I will be alone.
Reading these posts is lovely and reminds me that even though it’s all gone wrong and I’ve tipped my life upside down seemingly for nothing , that I did follow my heart after being so happy and unloved for so long.

Toomanyscentedcandles · 02/12/2021 17:12

Why can’t he get custody of his kids? She sounds like she wouldn’t have a leg to stand on.

Tempnamelady · 02/12/2021 17:23

@Toomanyscentedcandles massive backstory - she has no family in uk hence why when she was arrested they let her back home . Youngest is mildly autistic and very attached to her . She has openly said she would kill herself without the kids . She’s very manipulative. It’s just a crap situation. :(

DeadoftheMoon · 02/12/2021 17:26

Music.

Ragwort · 02/12/2021 17:27

Very kind, thoughtful, excellent manners, generous .... we met through a volunteering role and I was really attracted to someone who cared enough about young people to give up lots of his own time to help and encourage them ... still married 34 years later.

InkieNecro · 02/12/2021 17:30

He felt like home and I accidentally said I loved him 3 days after meeting him in the middle of sex (having matched maybe 2 weeks prior). He laughed, kissed me and said he loved me too and we haven't really been apart for more than 3 days since. I only wanted a one night stand

SchoolForScoundrels · 02/12/2021 17:43

A few dates in, we were making chilli and he opened the tins of tomatoes, rinsed them out and bent the lid double and pushed it to the bottom of the can and then crushed the can as flat as he could so that no sharp edges were showing because he had heard that "hedgehogs and other wildlife can get their heads stuck in and injure themselves"

It was a really simple act of someone who is always kind and thoughtful towards everyone and everything and showed me who he was.

RaisedByPangolins · 02/12/2021 17:50

Oh school your H sounds lovely!!

Tempnamelady · 02/12/2021 17:52

Love these stories

scooterbear · 02/12/2021 18:01

I knew after about two minutes. Felt simultaneously incredibly 'thunder bolty' and excited and like 'oh, there you are' fully at home and relaxed. Fancied him massively. He made me laugh, he cooked, we had loads in common-but it was more just that amazing feeling. We move in together in January hopefully and I can't wait.

Oblomov21 · 02/12/2021 18:35

He's old fashioned, just really good bloke. A diamond. I knew straight away that he was a good sort.

stressedy · 02/12/2021 21:01

felt safe... sex was amazing!

Simonjt · 02/12/2021 22:29

Hes just nice and caring and always has been, he always considers how other people feel and will do things big and small to show he cares. I’m very shy around new people, I don’t think I really spoke until date three. He organised a guided art gallery trip and immersive experience for date two, so it literally took away the need to speak as you were communicating through actions, colours etc.

Ginger1982 · 02/12/2021 22:39

The way he talked about his family. I was looking for someone who wanted to build a home and family and he fit the bill perfectly. He's also the most considerate bloke in bed

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