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Original poster

dh went to strip club

71 replies

sparkler1 · 14/11/2004 20:04

My dh went on a stag night at the weekend which was great as he doesn't go out with the lads as much as he should. We have a great relationship and two lovely dds too. I found out the next morning that he had been to a strip club. All the lads were going and so he followed on. Told me he just sat by the bar and chatted to his mates. I was surprised how upset I felt about the situation and I have found it very hard to talk to him since. Am I being unfair?

OP posts:
pinkmama · 14/11/2004 20:07

unfair or not, I would be upset too. Don't give yourself a hard about feeling bad about it. Give him benefit of doubt, he could have been carried along with it all - lets face it, how hard would it be to say he wasn't going to go along with it. Can you tell him how you feel and get some reassurance.

JoolsToo · 14/11/2004 20:09

don't feel bad - he's a man - he can't help it.

Its got nothing to do with your relationship - try and forget it.

jampot · 14/11/2004 20:10

Im with Jools on this one - it wouldnt bother me at all

whizzz · 14/11/2004 20:19

Agree - don't take it to heart, I wouldn't be over the moon but can believe very easily that he was 'part of the crowd' - a gang of blokes - say no more.
Stag night too so undoubtably fuelled by too much beer. Agree with Jools, nothing to do with your relationship.

shortcake · 14/11/2004 20:22

I would feel devastated BUT as the others have sadi it would have been difficult to get out of it - and he may well have spent the evening staring into his beer! It sounds like you have a good relationship - so tell him how you feel and then make a decision o leave off the subject.

I went to a Hen Night with a male stripper that made me feel really uncomfortable - but i couldn't bring myself to push past everyone and leave - it just went against everything I believe and I felt really bad - but I love my husband and it hasn't changed anything between us.

tammybear · 14/11/2004 20:24

Agree with others, it would have annoyed me, but from his POV I would hate to be the odd one out saying that I couldnt go in. Besides Im sure the groom to be was having the most fun

codswallop · 14/11/2004 20:29

would annoy me

Dior · 14/11/2004 20:31

Message withdrawn

nasa · 14/11/2004 20:36

would bother me at all. It was a one off. You have a good relationship. I'd forget it if I were you

dawnie1 · 14/11/2004 20:41

Sparkler1 - I definately see your point but men just see it as a bit of a laugh/voyeurism, it really has nothing to do with the way he views you or other 'normal' women. I hate the whole concept of lap dancing clubs/strip clubs etc and once when dh told me he had been to one before during a stag night I got really upset about it and phoned up 'Speamint Rhino' and booked an audition. When I told him he went mad and I used the 'well if its such an acceptable past time then you can't complain if I do it' response. Needless to say I did not go (I never would) and he hasn't mentioned going to one again. But I also see Diors point of view - its a one off, you only have to worry if it becomes a regular thing(HTH

Dior · 14/11/2004 20:42

Message withdrawn

Gobbledigook · 14/11/2004 20:43

Wouldn't bother me at all - especially if a stag do. I'd be more worried about dh if he left and everyone else went!

That's blokes for you! No reflection on your relationship at all - he's not going every week is he?

shortcake · 14/11/2004 20:45

Not naive - just I have a more positive outlook! and like to give people the benefit of the doubt!

JoolsToo · 14/11/2004 20:49

I went to a male strip show YEARS ago - I was so ed! more by the behaviour of the women there! They asked for women in the audience to up on the stage and strip to their waists and do a balloon dance with the guys - I thought 'some hope' but no - you'd have got killed in the rush!!!! (and in case you're wondering - NO!!)

pinkmama · 14/11/2004 20:52

shortcake, I don't think you naive either. Fortunately not all blokes enjoy strip clubs, although I can see it would be hard to get out of. I would be very proud if my dh walked away from a group going to one. Wouldn't want to be with someone who thought they were ok. My dh would be terrified!

shortcake · 14/11/2004 20:54

thank you pinkmama - couldn't agree more!

Gobbledigook · 14/11/2004 20:56

???

I think it's pretty normal for blokes to like this kind of thing. There's nothing wrong with it is there? They aren't cheating, just looking!

Hmmm, men not liking to ogle naked ladies is like men not liking football. Most dubious.

pinkmama · 14/11/2004 20:58

I don't think its normal at all.

JoolsToo · 14/11/2004 20:58

I've got a mate (male) who says he's never masturbated and his wife believes him (guffaw)

pinkmama · 14/11/2004 20:59

now that is odd jools

Original poster
sparkler1 · 14/11/2004 21:03

I would have been very proud if he had walked away. I don't think it's "normal" for all blokes to like that kind of thing. Blokes are all different, thankfully. We have talked about the situation briefly and he has apologised for doing something that I wasn't happy with.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparkler1 · 14/11/2004 21:04

I can appreciate the fact that sometimes when you are in a crowd it is difficult to be the one to say "no" to something that everyone else is going to do. It takes more of a man to do what he wants himself than to follow others.

OP posts:
pinkmama · 14/11/2004 21:09

I think you are right sparkler1, do you feel a bit better about it now?

joanneg · 14/11/2004 21:11

sparkler - I think that it would bother me but I would let it go - especially as it was his stag night. Is it likely to be a one off? If it is then try and let it go because you will only make yourself miserable. It is a good sign that he told you and didnt go behind your back.
If he wants to go again I think then that you have to be honest with him that it bothers you.

unicorn · 14/11/2004 21:11

Well I know I am walking into a minefield here...
but sparklers you say..
'he has apologised for doing something I was not happy with'..

what does that really mean?
Are we not all independent people, who have likes and dislikes that sometimes coincide, and sometimes don't?

re strip clubs.. well the jury is out with me..
I don't like the abusive nature of them (for some women)
but can understand it is an 'outlet' for some men.