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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dh went to strip club

71 replies

sparkler1 · 14/11/2004 20:04

My dh went on a stag night at the weekend which was great as he doesn't go out with the lads as much as he should. We have a great relationship and two lovely dds too. I found out the next morning that he had been to a strip club. All the lads were going and so he followed on. Told me he just sat by the bar and chatted to his mates. I was surprised how upset I felt about the situation and I have found it very hard to talk to him since. Am I being unfair?

OP posts:
lydialemon · 15/11/2004 14:37

OK I know I'm going to be in a minority here, but I just want to object to people calling strippers 'trollops' and 'slappers' - you don't like what they do so that makes it fine to throw out cheap insults?

DH has been dragged along to strip clubs on a stag night too, and I had no problems (TBH I thought it was quite amusing, as it gave me loads of ammo to wind him up for the next week!) I have even willingly chosen to go to male strip nights because , shock! horror! I think that fit young oiled naked men are quite nice to look at......

Tell you what, you make your 'trollop', 'slapper' generalisations, and I'll sit here and think of some 'prude', 'no sense of humour' ones, I think thats fair........

vict17 · 15/11/2004 14:38

space monkey!! I just think if you think someone is whining it's probably polite just to leave the thread alone.

vict17 · 15/11/2004 14:39

good point lydialemon - they are just people earning a living after all

Gobbledigook · 15/11/2004 14:40

Vict17 - I think WigandRobe is saying she doesn't mind either.

Angeliz · 15/11/2004 14:40

Must say, this kind of thing never bothers me. (Dp isn't into strip clubs anyway but if he went as a one off, don't think i'd care).
I rmemeber my sisiters getting very upset a few years back about their noyfreinds looking at page 3 girls and i really couldn't understand it!

sparkler, he would have felt a bit of an idiot crying off at that point i bet, he probably did it to fit in!!

vict17 · 15/11/2004 14:41

I know what she was saying, and I agree with her, but why say it in such a way?

spacemonkey · 15/11/2004 14:41

it was the phrase "playing silly beggars" that amused me

Gobbledigook · 15/11/2004 14:41

He probably did it cos he wanted to you mean!? Not many red-blooded males would turn down a chance to ogle some totty. Come on, it's a fact of life!

Gobbledigook · 15/11/2004 14:42

Oh I see - sorry Vict!

cockle · 15/11/2004 14:42

I would HATE this but sparkler1 he sounds like a reasonable guy and definitely forgiveable, since he's apologised

MummyToSteven · 15/11/2004 14:43

another concern with strip clubs and any part of the sex trade is whether there is any illegality/coercion involved - underaged girls, trafficked women etc. have recently read a very interesting book on the topic of trafficked women, "The Natashas" by Victor Malorek.

MistressMary · 15/11/2004 14:49

I'm one of those peole who whinge actually and turn the telly over.
But then, I was bought up in a house where my dear Father would sit and watch this "very Educational stuff" as he put it, with his hands down his trousers. At the time I was reaching 18, the same age as some of those women he would watch and it messed with my head somewhat and I had to have counselling. You see it mucks up with my thinking of what men are and even doubt what my man thinks during seeing these kind of things. It's whatI learnt when growing up. Which is unfortunate.

cockle · 15/11/2004 14:57

Very good point, M2S. I think there are some serious exploitation issues here - and I know it sounds a bit 1970s, but I think it's all part of a pretty sick culture that objectifies and commodifies women.

Having said that, as I said earlier, I wouldn't condemn this guy - as long as he doesnt make a habit of it! I think he knows he's been a bit inappropriate.

motherinferior · 15/11/2004 14:59

I'm with WWW. I don't think that all men loll about with their tongues/willies hanging out and 'can't help it'. I'd be bloody furious with my dp. Who has, as it happens, been somewhat taken aback when other blokes at a stag night proposed going on to Spearmint Rhino. He does like women's bodies. He doesn't like the commercialised sex trade.

cockle · 15/11/2004 15:27

well said motherinf.

Marina · 15/11/2004 16:09

Also agree MI and WWW.

amialoneinthis · 15/11/2004 16:14

Well this thread made me start another -
here
and I must say, MI,www and Marina, your posts give me hope!

I accept that I should probably loosen up on the masturbation isssue, but porn and all that - never.

WigandRobe · 15/11/2004 18:59

Message deleted

Original poster
sparkler1 · 15/11/2004 20:10

Thanks for your opinions everyone, especially those of you with comforting words. I was genuinely upset by the situation at the weekend but I have had time to think about it and can see that I obviously looked too much into it. Dh is a great guy and I trust him 100%. Like some of you say at least he told me about it - some guys may not have said anything to their partners - and I feel pleased that he did.

OP posts:
WigandRobe · 15/11/2004 20:13

Message deleted

dawnie1 · 15/11/2004 20:16

Sparkler . Thats good news.

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