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Original poster

dh went to strip club

71 replies

sparkler1 · 14/11/2004 20:04

My dh went on a stag night at the weekend which was great as he doesn't go out with the lads as much as he should. We have a great relationship and two lovely dds too. I found out the next morning that he had been to a strip club. All the lads were going and so he followed on. Told me he just sat by the bar and chatted to his mates. I was surprised how upset I felt about the situation and I have found it very hard to talk to him since. Am I being unfair?

OP posts:
Original poster
sparkler1 · 14/11/2004 21:12

Guess so. The curiosity must have got the better of him as well. Just worried that I have made him nervous about being out with the boys now. Like I said the opportunity for him to get out doesn't come up very often (we have to small DDs) and I encourage him to have a good time and to go out as often as possible. Just took me by surprise I guess and then I just kept thinking of the worst case scenario.

OP posts:
unicorn · 14/11/2004 21:14

and the worst case scenario is.....?

Original poster
sparkler1 · 14/11/2004 21:48

Just didn't like the idea of him being turned on by some slapper I guess. I am not very happy with my body and thought of him being danced around by some slim trollop made me feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 14/11/2004 21:49

Well, I'm with Sparkler on this. I'd be pissed off if my dp went to a strip club. I don't think it's normal or acceptable, any more than I think porn is normal or acceptable. I don't agree with the 'oh he's a man, can't control himself poor thing, they're not normal women' arguments. I think he should apologise and I'm glad he did.

unicorn · 14/11/2004 21:51

I am not being unsymathetic here sparkler.. but am I wrong in thinking this is more about you, than him?

In which case I am pretty dam sure we have all been there.. babies = low esteem.

I really wouldn't worry about your man..

but I would start looking after yourself (says me.. who is the worst to dish out that sort of advice!!!)

Original poster
sparkler1 · 14/11/2004 21:53

I do trust him. He's not "one of the lads" and is a fantastic dh and dad. Was just something different to what he would normally do and I was surprised. Keep wondering if I could still be attractive to him after everything he saw.

OP posts:
unicorn · 14/11/2004 21:55

sparkler - I bet you are 10000x more attractive!!.. and he will see that too!

Original poster
sparkler1 · 14/11/2004 21:56

I know -I'm being daft.

OP posts:
unicorn · 14/11/2004 21:58

not at all...
This is what MN is all about.. let it all out!!!!!
Someone is always around (well usually!!)

Original poster
sparkler1 · 14/11/2004 22:06

anyway - on the bright side of things - dh and I have had a slight fall out. Isn't there a phrase that people use something like "the best part of breaking up is making up" or something like that. Got that to look foward to!! ahhh!

OP posts:
lou33 · 14/11/2004 23:01

Depends on if he knew you would be upset by it or not. It wouldn't bother me if dh went, but that isn't to say your feelings are wrong.

nightowl · 15/11/2004 01:30

this wouldnt bother me one bit, ive never seen a problem with it. men are men, they have a laugh..theres even women there to see the female strippers so im told. he admitted it too. but if its something you dont like then obviously you will be upset. like lou said, your feelings arent wrong.

oxocube · 15/11/2004 08:53

Wouldn't bother me either.

noddy5 · 15/11/2004 09:16

men are very visual when it comes to sex and even the most pc males I know would go and have an ogle at a girl shaking her thing!It has no bearing on his relationship with you

Pagan · 15/11/2004 10:11

I agree that it's just a man thing but totally see where you're coming from as I too would be pissed off. My DH went to a sex show in Amsterdam, something everyone does, but it made me feel dreadful. I think from my POV it is the hypocrisy rather than the act of going that irritates me more. The point made by Dawnie1 sums it all up. My DH sometimes takes the moral high ground, never farts in front of his parents, doesn't like women to swear ...etc. so when he went to the sex show I just didn't get it!!!

Original poster
sparkler1 · 15/11/2004 13:14

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. I'm getting over it now and we are talking. Just an interesting point in our relationship that we had to work through. He bought me a bottle of wine and a bar of choccie last night to say sorry bless him. Quite glad he went now otherwise we wouldn't have fallen out and I wouldn't have got pressies!

OP posts:
lou33 · 15/11/2004 13:49

I'd go to a strip club for women.

SpringChicken · 15/11/2004 13:57

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest - the only thing i dont like about it is the sheer expense!

I have been to a few "Ladies Nights" and DP has never minded so i am in no poisition to mind if he choses to do the same.
It was DP's 21st a few days ago and the plan was that all the lads would go out on a bender in London and then onto Spearmint Rhino - didn't bother me in the slightest - but was glad from a finance point of view that it didn't happen.

strawberry · 15/11/2004 14:15

For me the most important thing in a relationship is honesty. I bet most of the blokes were too scared to tell their partners what they'd been up to! At least your Dh knows he doesn't have to lie to you. I doubt he felt 'turned on' by it. My dh says it's more funny than anything else. Glad you're working this out.

WigandRobe · 15/11/2004 14:18

Message deleted

spacemonkey · 15/11/2004 14:19

WandR

aloha · 15/11/2004 14:24

Well, that was a friendly, supportive, well-intentioned post, wasn't it?

vict17 · 15/11/2004 14:31

WigandRobe - I've just read this thread and it was all friendly and supportive. Why did you have to be so beligerent? Personally I think there is nothing wrong with going to a strip club for a stag night, just as my dh wouldn't mind me ogling a stripper on a hen night (whoch I have done!)

spacemonkey · 15/11/2004 14:32

oh well i thought it was funny anyway

msann · 15/11/2004 14:32

i dont think theres a prob with dh/dp going to strip club....would think it more of a problem if he didnt mention that he'd been to one tho

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