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Original poster

Is this an unkind thing to say?

112 replies

CLED · 28/11/2021 18:54

My boyfriend told me that he’d rate me a 5 out of 10 in looks. I’m upset by this. He thinks it’s fine and that I should be ok with this.

I don’t think I can move on from this. I’ve always been sensitive about my looks but now I feel like the ugliest person in the world.

OP posts:
lljkk · 28/11/2021 22:04

I'm sort of ambivalent.

I had comments like this from a boyfriend who I think now, in retrospect, was just afraid of commitment, and of his own emotional vulnerability. I decided not to be offended just puzzled that he was invested in thinking that way. I've never rated my boyfriends in that kind of comparison way, with "all other men"

I like to hope I'd field it in good humour: "Gosh, you must be a pretty sad catch yourself that you had to settle for me, then!" etc.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 28/11/2021 22:16

Strange. I rate him an 11/10 for cuntishness.

Courtier · 28/11/2021 22:56

Yes it's rude.

Cocogreen · 29/11/2021 00:52

Yes very unkind.
Tell him he's a 3-4.

Pascal80 · 29/11/2021 02:37

Well, he must love something deeper about you that just surface looks if he believes himself to be objectively better looking than you.
I wouldn't be offended, personally. Everyone knows how good looking they are and they are not truthful if they say they don't.

MrsJackWhicher · 29/11/2021 02:58

@KissedintheDark

Tell him MN rates him as a cunt.
Brilliant!!!!!
groovergirl · 29/11/2021 03:42

Anyone who would rate their partner in such a crass and vulgar way is definitely "ick".

I bet you're gorgeous, and he's trying to lower your sense of your market value so that you don't dump him for someone better. But like PPs I think it would be a very good thing if you did dump him. Things can only get worse if you keep this bit of steamless crud around and dignify him with the title of boyfriend.

Atmywitsend29 · 29/11/2021 04:11

What a knob. I don't say this often, but LTB!

I rolled out of bed at midday, I'd had 2 hours sleep after my night shift, DH told me I was "so beautiful" and said he was lucky. I called him a liar but the point stands. No man worth your time or who loves you would rate you a 5 (and below other people!!). The only man that would do that is a damp, saggy testicle and you deserve better.

Weatherwax13 · 29/11/2021 04:25

Blatant nagging. Don't get twisted up in that. Give him a 0 out of ten and dump him

Weatherwax13 · 29/11/2021 04:25

*negging ffs

Momijin · 29/11/2021 06:03

I bet you're a 10 and he is insecure. However it isn't acceptable for your boyfriend to say that. He should be kind and loving and say that you are the most beautiful woman in the world, because to him, that's what you should be.

Please don't stay with someone who says this to you.

Aphrodite31 · 29/11/2021 06:39

I'd tell him to F off.

TheCreamCaker · 29/11/2021 09:35

What a twat he must be. You could try telling him that his penis is the smallest you've ever had.

mumofthemonsters808 · 29/11/2021 09:56

Yes it is unkind, what he’s done here, is give you a low rating, so that you think you can’t do better than him.When I was young, I had a twat Boyfriend who did things like this and enjoyed making me feel like shit about myself.I recently bumped into him 20 years later, he is now fat, bald and alone.Get rid of him.

QuestionNumberOne · 29/11/2021 09:58

He’s a piece of shit. Before you dump him let him know that he got his self-rating wrong. You and your friends all rate him as a 3 at best.

What a nasty prick!

Nanny0gg · 29/11/2021 14:38

@CLED

I will also add that partially I’m asking on here because I do have Aspergers and have problems assessing what is normal and what isn’t.

Thanks for the replies.

If it hurts you it's wrong. Especially when it's deliberate.

HTH

twoshedsjackson · 29/11/2021 15:56

My nephew has recently set up home with his lovely GF; sweet-natured and pleasant looking, but not outstandingly beautiful. I was quite touched when he confided in me, "You know, Auntie, I'm so lucky; I'm in love with the most beautiful girl in the world, and she loves me too!"
We are all so pleased for both of them, and that's how it should be.

BiscuitLover3679 · 29/11/2021 16:20

His opinion means nothing. Does he try and keep you feeling low and vulnerable so you stay with him? Red flag op.

Skeumorph · 29/11/2021 17:05

Another saying not normal. Get rid!!

I had one like this. He wasn't the most evil bloke in the world, he was perfectly nice in lots of ways. But he was deeply insecure (crappy upbringing left lots of damage) and he would say shit like that - or often a barb disguised as a compliment. Especially when he was feeling fragile or angry or slighted himself.

I gave as good as I got in the end and wasn't very nice to him either, which is hardly the best way to run a relationship!

So - this isn't you, and it isn't about looks, it has nothing to do with what you look like. It's about him. Dump!

Oh and looks. Totally subjective. OP, there will be people out there who look at you and think 'Oh. Bit plain. No, not interested' and there will be people who think 'OMG she's hot/so cool looking/is really beautiful' - I GUARANTEE it. It's so utterly subjective. Which is why no one has any business being with someone who doesn't think they're hot. What's the point?!

You'll find your adoring person!

Bookworm20 · 29/11/2021 17:19

I can't get past that he RATED you! WTF is wrong with him?

He is a prize prick and playing on your insecurity so he has some control over you. He is trying to make you think you're lucky to be with him.

No man worth his salt would 'rate' their Girlfriend FFS.

Ditch this sad sack of total shit OP, and move on. There is a man out there who will think of you as his absolute world and the most gorgeous woman hes known.
THAT is how a man treats his woman.
Not like this piece of tripe.

MizzFizz · 29/11/2021 21:18

He sounds like a manipulator. Make you feel bad about yourself so he keeps you in his grasp. Yuck. Ditch the asshole.

Nedclarity · 29/11/2021 21:22

Why would he feel the need rate you at all. And the rest of it - just no. You deserve better, don’t let him drag you down.

AnFiadhRua · 29/11/2021 22:06

Wow. This tells you everything you need to know. He doesn't have any real affection or connection with you. You're somebody who neither reflects well nor badly on him. You're just there.

I bet he has sex with you though.

The first part (rating you 5) is bad enough but by rating himself a 7 he is literally telling you so clearly that he thinks you're not good enough for him.

It's not just ''ltb'', it's you have to LTB

He has flown a banner through the sky letting you know that you have to.

BrilliantBetty · 29/11/2021 22:12

How old is he please?
If he is 20yo+ and 'rating' women out of 10 based on their looks he is a sad, odd, infantile little wanker.

Also, if he rates you a 5 is he not attracted to you? You should be with someone who sings your praises and bigs you up. And who fancies you. Maybe this is not a good match.

19Bears · 29/11/2021 23:50

You are worth someone who makes you a 10 every single day. Do not accept anything less x