Would you date a man who

[curiouscat1]

Would you date a man whose wife had divorced him because of adultery with prostitutes?

How would you know? I doubt most men will admit to visiting strip clubs, prostitutes or a dominatrix! they know full well that they won't get a positive reaction to that type of disclosure.

If you hear this from a former partner of the guy you are seeing it might also be that she is a spiteful ex-wife who will tell you lies about why they separated just to cause trouble.

Better to make up your own mind, see how a guy treats you and have open communication rather than worry about his past. Most adults will have done something they might not be proud of in their life.

Or are you the ex-wife and you want to speak to your ex's new girlfriend?...if so, I would say it is a bad idea.

@curiouscat1

I'm not talking about a divorce settlement. A settlement would no doubt give her 50%. I'm talking about no divorce at all. Then she keeps her business position moving forward.

OP you're the wife aren't you.

You know so so so much about this couple. You don't describe them as a best friend who you would know (even then, limited) details, and say you've found out things via social WhatsApp groups. Like acquaintances. And yet you seem to know every tiny detail and forethought of this woman who is apparently not connected to you much at all.

Hard pass

No @MollysDolly

It is possible to know a couple and be on the same WA group without being friends with them.

I admit to having a vested interest but that interest is not emotional.

FUCK no.

No

Assuming the wife is a friend, if you really think the circumstances are important all you can do is share with her what you know and let her make of it what she will. I think that's the obvious thing to do rather than try to solve the mystery yourself.if the wife is you, you might get more help if you were more explicit about what you wanted to know. We've established there are lots if reasons why the prostitutes and the new woman don't have to mutually exclusive, but its not clear how that helps.

Oh come on.

Never in a million years.

Surely you don't need to ask

Never in a zillion years

Feck no!!

I'd applaud his honesty and run a mile.

No.

Yuck! Not unless he has had a complete personality change and a lot of therapy.

I admit to having a vested interest but that interest is not emotional.

So, what is your interest OP, if you feel able to share?

I don't think most men who use prostitutes admit to using prostitutes (especially if they were married at the time.) So if he's admitted to it I'd thing he's probably very weird. At least it means people get some idea of what he's like I guess.

I don't think he would say that instead of admitting to an OW- using prostitutes is worse.

Does his new girlfriend know about that? If so, she's a schmuck to get involved.

PP's are right that he could've had an OW at the same time. Sleazes gonna sleaze.

@5128gap

Assuming the wife is a friend, if you really think the circumstances are important all you can do is share with her what you know and let her make of it what she will. I think that's the obvious thing to do rather than try to solve the mystery yourself.if the wife is you, you might get more help if you were more explicit about what you wanted to know. We've established there are lots if reasons why the prostitutes and the new woman don't have to mutually exclusive, but its not clear how that helps.

The wife is not a friend but the circumstances in which I know her means I can talk to her so I think I'll take your advice.

The wife is not a friend but the circumstances in which I know her means I can talk to her so I think I'll take your advice.

So if the wife isn't a friend why are you so invested? Does any of this impact you in any way?

No no no. run don't walk..

I have never said this on Mumsnet before.

I have been on other threads saying it's ok to live with a man who lives with his mum, it's ok if he doesn't drive etc.

But this is a big no. A guy who uses prostitutes when he is married is likely to do it again in any relationship he has. Unless you are ok with him using prostitutes and if you are, please don't cos you could get a STD and you deserve so much better

‘Consent ‘ that requires some type of trade ir money is not consent
Consent can’t be bought and wouldn’t touch a man who though that was ok

Hell no

No, How could I have any respect for someone who thinks it's ok to use another human being like that.

Eughh

I wouldn't date a man who took advantage of compelled consent at all. Ever.

Yuck, awful. Abusive.

There are no financial implications to 'types' of adultery in divorce. (Assuming you live in the UK in 2021 ...)

If you don't want to divorce him, I guess you can string it out for the full 5 years if you must.

Two things:

1. you cannot trust him not to do it again at all he will (and may give you a STI in the process)
2. He told you not because he is honest but so he can tell you you were ok with it when it happens again.

Being honest about two dishonest things (using prostitutes and dating his wife’s friend) doesn’t make him a man you can trust.

You are determined to give him a chance so go ahead, next thing is that he used drugs and does not care about his kids but you knew what you were getting into.

I wouldn't be with a man who paid someone for sex.

Bear in mind that he could divorce her (it's very rarely to successfully contest a divorce), and that the grounds for divorce have no affect at all on any financial settlement - it doesn't matter who has behaved badly.