Sorry long one!
I’m 25 and I’ve always had a bit of a funny relationship with my family. Two older sisters who I’ve grown up feeling belittled by and ganged up on. I feel like I get on with them sometimes and they’re completely off with me the next. There’s a lot of underlying tension which turns into claiming I don’t care about them and drunk arguments usually fuelled by them. They’ve called me an attention seeker before (because I said I felt depressed in lockdown), they leave me out of cousin events and when I went travelling for two months they didn’t even ask about it. I wouldn’t say I’m close with them.
I live with them and my parents who I know for a fact care about me. They step up when they need to eg picking me up from places, helping me move things to uni etc etc. I’m really grateful for them. But things aren’t always rosey with them either - they laughed at me last year when I struggled in lockdown and said I felt hopeless. Dad said mental health issues aren’t real. I’ve also been so close to moving out 2 or 3 times. I also know everyone constantly talks about me behind my back as mum says so.
Here’s the latest problem - I’ve been with my DP about 6months now. I’m extremely happy and it’s a calm, refreshing relationship. We see each other one evening a week, and the weekend (one or two days depending on plans with friends). We both have our own space and lives. He’s met my family, come to some events (not all) and really fits in. I asked if he could come for Christmas evening and they said it was okay. When I bring DP round they greet him with warmth and my sisters really like him.
The other day I bought him round on our usual evening. My DP is a really chilled person but he asked if he’d done something wrong as everyone seemed really off with him. I reassured him that everyone’s probably tired and he’s done nothing.
Fast forward to today and I ask my family if DP can come to the family meal we have booked. Instantly it kicked off. My parents said that them and my sister feel that I’m “self absorbed”, “too needy” and “obsessed”. They said they’ve all been talking about how I am messing up relationship single handedly and I am toxic (bearing in mind my last one was 5 years and ended amicably and maturely). Im being too intense seeing him twice a week.
They said “why do you have to bring me and everyone here into your dramas” - this translates to me bringing my DP round one evening a week and eating dinner with them because I thought it was nice. Apparently that’s abnormal. My DP said he feels really welcome and loves spending time with them which I thought was lovely.
I mentioned me being invited to his family meal and mum said “I bet his parents are fed up of you”. She tried to tell me how my DP and his parents feel constantly. Said DP probably doesn’t even want to come for Christmas and I made him (he is so excited about it!).
She then said i was immature because, in a mimicky voice, “ooooh I’m all over Facebook and we’re staying in a little log cabin oooh” (I posted one picture of the trip).
I’m just completely baffled. I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells everyone talking about me 24/7. I now don’t feel like I can bring my DP round (he lives 45 mins away). They said it’s nothing to do with him as they like him - just me.
I want to move out but I’ll be devastated as I’m about a year away from having a house deposit and this will really really stunt my progress if I rent and it’ll take me probably a year longer at least. Plus there’s the hassle of finding a house share. I’m not sure it’s an option but it’s ridiculous.
I just am so baffled, upset and don’t know what to do.