I've never had a one night stand

[Bobbie1976]

Hi

I posted in another thread about my friend who is having an affair. WELL today I found out that she is also seeing two other men while still being married as well as melting me every day about the affair guy.

Anyway - what I wanted to ask is this - I have never had a one night stand. Have had 3 serious relationships who have been my only sexual partners. Presently I am hoping to start a relationship with a man I've known for a few years. We get on very very well and I have strong feelings for him and I have heard that he likes me too. There is definitely something between us and I feel he is worth waiting for. He's been very badly hurt recently and we want to take our time.

Anyway, this woman has placed doubts in my head that I should be out having one night stands, having sex while I 'wait' for him and it's all things I do not want to do. I love this man and I want him to be my next sexual partner I have no doubt about that.

I am 45 and it seems I am incredibly naive. Am I pathetic for not sleeping around?

Thank you for any advice.

No you're not pathetic. You do what you feel is right for you.

You're not missing out on anything other than the ego massage you get from having multiple interests.

There is no rule book.

If you want to have one night stands, have them. If they’re not for you, don’t. You’re a grown woman and very capable of making your own decisions.

What you absolutely should NOT do is pay any heed to idiotic ‘advice’ from your fiend. She’s already shown she is strongly lacking in sound judgement and morals with her own carry on.

Well if you're pathetic then so am I! I have never had a one night stand and have had two sexual partners in my life, both of whom I married!

Nobody should feel 'pathetic' for not having one night stands or feel pressured to have one. It's entirely your choice. I've had one in over 30 years of being sexually active, and that was when I was 18.

Our society has to be so broken if we have people asking if it’s pathetic to not be having ONS.
Of course you are not!
Good for you, genuinely!
Sound like your friend just want you to be fucking around to help her excuse her behaviour, I’ve known women like that myself, they are not good to be around with.
Relax, you’re doing fine!

I am laughing so hard here!

Lady, I’m 35 year old virgin and I fully intend to die as one.
What would that make me if you were pathetic?

You are not pathetic.
(You’re friend on the other hand……)

Why does your friend need that level of attention?

I'm sure many people have never had a 1 night stand. I blame films/TV for projecting this image of sex that isn't true to real life.

I had one when I was going through my divorce. I was legally separated and got a bit wild at a wedding. Slept with the groom's younger brother who was significantly younger than me. Not really my style at all, not my finest moment, and while I thoroughly enjoyed myself, I did feel a bit cringe the next day. I got one hell of a ribbing the next day from Bride and Groom who thought it was hilarious. I certainly wouldnt advise anyone to do this if it's not something you feel comfortable with. I had no desire to ever do that again.

I married my only one night stand.... you're not pathetic at all, do what YOU want!

There is no rule as to who you must and must not have sex with. I'm happily married and never had a ONS before now. But equally I know happily married people who had a very busy and healthy sex life with lots of ONS.

Your friend is defintely the pathetic one and a twat for trying to make it seem as if you're the weird one!

I've never had a one night stand - wouldn't rule it out by any means but why would you deliberately seek it out just to tick a box?

You're trying to start a relatinship with someone; why would you choose that moment to go out looking for other guys? If your friend suggested this, did you ask why? Sounds an odd idea.

Nope, people are different. One night stands don't interest some people and never will. No shame in that.

I'm the same OP - sex without an emotional connection is unfulfilling for me so I don't do it. I'd rather wait. It's nobody's business.

I wish I could say the same. Not one ever made me feel good.
I just felt at times that I ought to be having sex (even though I wasn't in a relationship). I know what's right for me now though.
A few times I was really naive and didn't know at the time that it was a ONS. God that hurt. Can't remember the individual men now but I know it did erode my sense of myself.

I'm 38, I married sexual partner number 4. None of my previous relationshipa were one night stands. No regrets on this front.

Never had a one night stand, never had sex before about 3 months or more into a relationship. I am certainly not pathetic, not are you.

Rubbish. I've had my fair of one night stands, but they are not for everyone and if you don't want to, don't do it. Nothing pathetic about that. More pathetic to do something you don't want to do because someone else pressures you into it. You be you.

ONS are nice ime, why would anyone advise others to have one? Ok if it’s your thing but definitely not for me, had a few when younger and always felt like crap after

Are not!!!!*

I had a few relationships that would have been better left as one night stands 🙄

I think you should stick to your own values, they are who you are. All that's left is to have confidence in being yourself. Other people have one-night-stands which is in line with their own values.

I had my only 1 night stand at 48. Wasn't planned. No bid deal. With a one night stand you miss out all the lovely anticipation and butterflies.

Why are you questioning your own values? There is no moral absolute on this issue. Such an odd question…