Was married, have kids with ex husband. He was a drinker did coke when he drank and was abusive so we split. I divorced him 3 years ago. Was with him 15+ years from my teens.
8 months later i started a seeing someone who was a friend. He was a couple of years younger. Had no kids. Eventually he met mine , they all got on great. Kids love him to bits and vice versa. I can't have more kids and he knew this before we ever got together. After 18 months it became an issue and he broke up with me over it. Said he didn't know what he wanted , was scared , didn't want to hurt us all. Turned out he had cheated on me loads of times , and when he drinks (which isn't often and never in my house or around my kids) he does coke . Alot of that fuelled the cheating. He said he still loved me but I deserved better that was 18 months ago and he still says he loves me but needs to be sure. I know if a man wants to be with u he doesn't need convincing and with him it will never happen. It hurts. Really hurts but I have sadly accepted it.
After my divorce I took up sex work as I needed the money. I met a guy who lived close to me and a few months later through social media I realised I knew his wife through other people and his kids. I felt so low and unhappy and I got close (too close) to him. I am ashamed to say (and I know I will be flamed ) but he was married and we began an affair. He would text and call every day. Sometimes we would have a coffee or lunch other times there was sex but it wasn't based just on physical. He told me he loved me but he needed to work on his marriage which was in trouble and he didn't want to hurt me . So the physical stuff and meeting up stopped . I was developing feelings . We stayed friends and in actual fact he came to me for help in how he could repair things with her. I became a friend and counsellor. We are talking messages all day and all times of the night about how his marriage was failing what could he do how upset he was and so on.. it turned out his wife had cheated and he caught her out . They split up , she moved out . I have seen loads of the messages , I have both of them and their kids on social media so have seen loads about it all.
We started seeing each other. Had dates out, I stayed at his, he told me he loved me , would hold me all night asleep . I felt so happy . Truly happy. He looked and said he was happy. He made plans for my birthday to spoil me.
Weekend just gone he was away and I could sense in my gut something was wrong. He spent 3 days drinking.. turns out he did some coke too. Basically he's come back and said he needs space.. he was with her 25 years . He said he wants to be on his own..has given all the reasons he says me and him couldn't work. Mainly his 2 kids and mine..how could it work he says ? His age... he's 13 years older . It's definitely not because she's taken him back as she's with the affair partner now. He said the last thing he wants is to hurt me or hear me cry because of him.
I feel so sad, so unhappy and hurting so badly its hard to describe..