Meeting friend's feel like spare part

[Confused2134]

Hi all.

Could do with help understanding my feelings.

So I met the other halfs friends last night for the first time. We have been dating 2 months and it's been going extremely well. I've met her work friends too and that went extremely well. But last night meeting all 8 of her closest friends and I felt invisible. For a start non of them introduced themselves to me. Only a few even said hello. And nearly all of them left without saying goodbye. I had alot of awkward moments where I clearly looked lost and no one came to talk to me. One time 4 of us were standing together. My girlfriend, her 2 friends and me. Her friend offered her boyfriend and my girlfriend something but not me. I'm standing with them and I don't get offered anything.

3 of her friends hadn't said a word to me all night.

I don't know how to feel about the situation. It's very much I have to be on board with her friends otherwise the relationship won't work. I left feeling so deflated im questioning is it worth continuing dating her.

I was under the impression that the friends should have gone out of there way to make me feel welcome. They're all extremely close and I'm the only new one. I hadn't a single decent conversation with anyone. I left for half an hour to compose myself but no one had noticed. It was a small house party confined to 1 small room.

Am I being stupid for feeling this way?
Am I even making sense?
Has anyone else experienced this? If so what did you do?

I told her her friends aren't very welcoming at the end of the night. I needed to get it of my chest. I have never felt so low in my entire life. It didn't go well, we didn't argue but it felt like she didn't want me there so I left. We're still talking but now it feels different.

I really don't think the hug is unreasonable. If it were my friend who had a new boyfriend, I'd heard loads about him and he made her happy, I'd be pleased to get a hug from him as it would show he already felt warmly towards me, had heard lots about me from her, and was eager to be friends. I'd hug a guy who made my friend happy, no question.

If it were my new boyfriend, I'd also be delighted for him to hug my friends, for the same reason. It would make me think he was a warm, friendly person who was disposed to like the people who are important to me. It's a lovely thing to do, OP, you did nothing wrong there.

But if I were the girlfriend, I'd also be doing the introducing. There's just no excuse. She is the common contact in all this and she should have been guiding you through the introduction. It's very very weird that she made it so hard for you. If the friends were reticent to meet you I'd be concerned that either the entire friendship group is just rude and toxic, OR she's had a lot of bad boyfriends and they've got to the point where they don't bother getting to know them.

It's definitely a girlfriend problem, OP. You did fine.

@ChargingBuck

If the sexes were reversed here, & a female OP described a b/f of 2 months announcing that all his previous g/f's were shit .... we'd all be crying "run for the hills!"

It's the Crazy Ex Girlfriend trope.

Either this actual g/f has been unlucky, or she has some behavioural/psych issues still to work on ... or her previous b/f's were 'normal' guys who she is now demonising.

Don't over-invest, Confused. You've known this woman for a few weeks, her social circle is rude, & you may be being set up to play White Knight / Rescuer to a whole heap of troubles.
I dislike how she turned cold on you when you told her how uncomfortable you'd been at the party. Firstly - how could she not notice, & need this pointed out? Secondly, if your b/f tells you he had a bad time, it's immature at best to dismiss his feelings & punish him with withdrawal - & at worst, uncaring or even game-playing.

Maybe give the friends another chance, in a smaller group or individually. But have a care about this narrative that e.g. her parents can't wait to meet the only man who's put a smile on their daughter's face etc ... it's intense, melodramatic, & I wonder what it's setting you up for.

I assumed this White Knight narrative was coming from the OP himself, rather than imposed, to be honest. There seemed to be to be a certain glee in the role and an expectation that the friends should be extra-welcoming to the Man Who Put A Smile Back on Their Friends's Face, like the parents are supposed to be.

I hear you on the melodrama, though. And on the problematics of the Person Whose Previous Relationships Have All Been With Psychos/Shits.

@Hoppinggreen well that all sounds fine because I v much doubt I would be introduced to someone like you via my friendship group as we don’t do ‘uptight’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

@JollyJoon

Yeah there's nothing wrong with a nudge but in MN its akin to assault.

Her friends are incredibly rude and I don't think much of her by this description. Honestly this would turn me off.

Totally this ^ 😂

I assumed this White Knight narrative was coming from the OP himself, rather than imposed, to be honest. There seemed to be to be a certain glee in the role and an expectation that the friends should be extra-welcoming to the Man Who Put A Smile Back on Their Friends's Face, like the parents are supposed to be.

I hear ya @AgedVellum. But I put a fair bit of that down to youthful male bumptiousness. Which excuses neither the bumptiousness or my implied sexism, but what the heck ...

[quote DarlingFell]@Hoppinggreen well that all sounds fine because I v much doubt I would be introduced to someone like you via my friendship group as we don’t do ‘uptight’ 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
If uptight means not wanting to nudged and hugged by someone I’m meeting for the first time then that’s what I am.
Some people prefer physical contact to be invited and you have no right to tell anyone they aren’t allowed to feel like that

They sound very rude. I'd be wondering what the gf had said to them previously to make them act that way tbh