He locked me out of my own house

[UnicornsAintReal]

I needed to say what happened to me .

He called while I was driving and swore and told me to get home because it was late at night (5pm afternoon) said 'dont fucking bother coming back to my fucking house, you or your son' (LO is his btw). I got home 5 mins after that call, got to the door and cant open door. Hes locked me and LO out the house. I'm calling him but his line keeps cutting me off, Keep ringing doorbell but nothing, me and LO were banging on front door and window. I then went down side alley and tried to get through gate but it was locked. Lo and I was shouting but he ignored us. Eventually came and was swearing at me and told me to stay outside if I love being outside so much. When we got inside he just argued, with me, burped in my face, slapped me in the face, kept squaring up to me, groped me numerous times which I loathe and made crude sexual remarks. I also noticed he switched the door bell off when I got inside.

The house is actually mine, even though i put his name on the mortgage, one big mistake.

As others have said, you need to call the police. He will only get worse.

What makes you think he can take your child away from you? You're primary carer, aren't you?

Call the police and have him removed from the home.

Involving the Police now will help you when it comes to contact arrangements.

All abusers use “your child will be taken away”.

It isn’t true.

Presumably Women’s Aid were concerned because your child is not safe in this environment?

Which is true.

OP, I know it is really really hard. Abuse like this takes away the very self confidence that would help you leave! Like the ‘child taken away’ threat! And that will get worse, and be harder.

Your child really really should not be witnessing you desperate to get into the house and then being hit. It is incredibly damaging.

Look at The Freedom Programme online.

Be very careful about your passwords and internet history.

Well done for thinking about documents etc.

Talk to a trusted RL friend- not a member of his family.

Keep posting on MN, but most of us recognise that you need somewhere to go or a cast iron way of keeping him away from you.

Be careful how you tread here. If you don’t leave after this and authorities get wind of it, you genuinely could have your child removed.

It’s annoying he’s on the house deeds etc but you need to prioritise making things safe for your child. We all make mistakes but if you don’t act now you could be in for a whirlwind of shit.

Just as an aside, his sister won’t speak to you as people often begin to lose faith in helping you if you won’t help yourself. Rebuild your life op.

You are more likely to lose your child by staying with this piece of shit than you are by leaving him. Genuinely. You are not adequately safeguarding your child for as long as you are making that child live under the same roof as your abuser. Social services will work with you if you make it clear you are willing and ready to absolutely, definitively end the relationship. If you aren't, or you flip flop, then their duty of care to your son will quite rightly mean they doubt your ability to safeguard him.

So end the relationship and do what SS tell you to do. Work with them.

Get support from womens aid throughout the process.

If you stay you risk losing you child OP. You need to get this abuser out of your life.

Call the police op, it’s a positive step to limiting his contact.

so hes abused you.

And please bear in mind that even if you’re married, he won’t necessarily get 50/50 on the house or custody. You will have to agree to a split that is fair on both parties and a custody arrangement that is best for the child.

With the DV recorded you will have grounds to keep your child away from him and you could also be eligible for court costs if it comes to that, to make sure you get the best deal on the house.

Please USE children’s services and the police to help you. That’s their job. They don’t want to take a child from its mother, they want to stop an abusive and aggressive parent from being able to harm that child. By staying with this animal you’re helping him to continue abusing your child by making him live in a scary and violent household. By splitting with him you can show that you are the parent who protects your child at all costs. That means a lot. It will also mean of course that your child won’t have to witness this shitshow on a regular basis as that will be emotionally fucking him up, even if a finger is never even raised toward him.

You can do this. We’re all here to support you in doing it. It feels impossible at the moment, but read the accounts from all of these wonderful women who HAVE done it and come out the other side stronger and happier.

Look, my ex said I will take the children away from you reality is within 18 months he was cutting contact down after I increased it he cut it out altogether "due to the pandemic" he minimised it after to the point where my children see the co-op staff more often (I rarely shop with my children) he threatened me to stay put in this town then moved away himself its a script they say not necessarily what they do

I could move tomorrow and he wouldn't notice for a month

And please bear in mind that even if you’re married, he won’t necessarily get 50/50 on the house or custody.

Given that he's a coercively controller abuser, a good lawyer may even be able to make the case that he gets NOTHING, because he coerced OP into putting his name on the deeds.

But you have to start reporting this properly OP. It will help you - the law will be on your side, Women's Aid will be on your side, & the police will also be on your side when you report to them that he locked you & his small child out of your own house.

And stop worrying about custody. It's just a standard threat from "The Script". No way would the courts award custody to a man who locks his own child out of their home.

Please ring WA again - AND report this latest behaviour to the police - I cannot stress enough that you NEED an 'evidence trail', particularly in relation to sorting out the legal mess of the mortgage/deeds.

How could anyone do that to a child?? Despicable behaviour. You must leave him.

Are you married to this odious pig?

The first thing, whether you're married or not, is to get legal advice, get the bastard out, is get his name taken off the mortgage, and get rid. He sounds appalling.

Please please please call the police, if not for your own safety but for yours sons and your future.

I never called the police, I eventually left him sure but now I’m fighting in the courts to prove what he did to me and our children. And the number one thing I’m having thrown at me is ‘why didn’t thou call the police’ please report the incident, you’ll need it for your future.

Don’t be like me and be too ashamed or embarrassed, don’t minimise it like I did because I’m facing have to hand my children over to a man who I know abuses them and me because I didn’t call for help when I should’ve.

Call them please.

LeVe with your child
No one will take child away if you keeping him safe

I never called the police, I eventually left him sure but now I’m fighting in the courts to prove what he did to me and our children. And the number one thing I’m having thrown at me is ‘why didn’t thou call the police’ please report the incident, you’ll need it for your future.

This. Learn from @Lachimolala & many PP's who have been around this block. Report, document, & plan ...

Sometimes I genuinely feel as though I've lost it, like I'm the one who is unreasonable.

Thank you, seriously thank you all for the advice and sharing your own experiences, I really do appreciate it.

@UnicornsAintReal you will feel it is you that is going mad. He will be using a range of strategies to gaslight you and question your own judgement. It's one of the oldest tricks in the abusers handbook!

Yes Frogs is right.

Abusers thrive on destablising their victims.

Also on secrecy. Do NOT keep this bastard's nasty little secret for him.

You’re helping him by not calling the police. Help yourself and that poor little boy by reporting him and getting him out of there.

What a vile fucking creature

Do you want to end the relationship OP?

Please do it for your poor little lad and yourself - please call the police - please.

He sounds vile l. Get rid of him as fast as you can.

Every so often a thread pops up where your initial feeling is the advice you give won't be followed. I hate to say it but it seems OP has already done all the things we'd usually suggest ie women's aid but went against their advice. I just get the feeling this isn't quite her time for change yet. She's not quite ready.