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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

He locked me out of my own house

82 replies

UnicornsAintReal · 21/11/2021 08:19

I needed to say what happened to me .

He called while I was driving and swore and told me to get home because it was late at night (5pm afternoon) said 'dont fucking bother coming back to my fucking house, you or your son' (LO is his btw). I got home 5 mins after that call, got to the door and cant open door. Hes locked me and LO out the house. I'm calling him but his line keeps cutting me off, Keep ringing doorbell but nothing, me and LO were banging on front door and window. I then went down side alley and tried to get through gate but it was locked. Lo and I was shouting but he ignored us. Eventually came and was swearing at me and told me to stay outside if I love being outside so much. When we got inside he just argued, with me, burped in my face, slapped me in the face, kept squaring up to me, groped me numerous times which I loathe and made crude sexual remarks. I also noticed he switched the door bell off when I got inside.

The house is actually mine, even though i put his name on the mortgage, one big mistake.

OP posts:

Zeflyinghelmetandzevetcelery · 21/11/2021 08:54

Call the police now so that there is an official record of his abusive behaviour. Then on Monday make an appointment with a solicitor for legal advice on removing his name from your mortgage.

Perrymenopausal · 21/11/2021 08:55

Echo what others have said OP call the police. 💐

Fenellapitstop · 21/11/2021 09:01

Call the police, support the allegation. Have a look at rightsofwomen.org.uk and look at applying for an occupation order

HeartsAndClubs · 21/11/2021 09:07

Unfortunately if he’s on the mortgage and the deeds then he has rights and OP cannot change the locks legally. Unfortunately though the OP is likely going to have to buy him out of the house, and if she cannot afford to do so then the house may need to be sold.

But in the meantime I would move out with DC and speak to a solicitor on Monday WRT where to proceed from here.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 21/11/2021 09:11

By ringing the police now, you will have the perfect opportunity to have him removed from the house.

Can you imagine trying to get him out at a later date and without the polices help?

SortingItOut · 21/11/2021 09:12

@UnicornsAintReal Can you clarify if he is just on the mortgage or also on the deeds?

If its just the mortgage then you can kick him out and get the locks changed.

KILNAMATRA · 21/11/2021 09:13

Women’s aid? A refuge? Hope your ok ..

ApolloandDaphne · 21/11/2021 09:15

When did this happen? I can't work out if it happened last night or a while ago and you are just going over the events of that night. Not that it makes much difference. He sounds horrible and abusive and you need to consider your future with him.

feathermucker · 21/11/2021 09:18

THIS

100% THIS

SpindlesWhorl · 21/11/2021 09:20

[quote SortingItOut]@UnicornsAintReal Can you clarify if he is just on the mortgage or also on the deeds?

If its just the mortgage then you can kick him out and get the locks changed.[/quote]
Agree with this. There's a difference between mortgage and title deeds.

He has a responsibility toward paying the mortgage but might not be on the title deeds.

The Police remove abusers (depending what country you're in). So as pp have said, please ring the Police and find a solicitor.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 21/11/2021 09:53

[quote SortingItOut]@UnicornsAintReal Can you clarify if he is just on the mortgage or also on the deeds?

If its just the mortgage then you can kick him out and get the locks changed.[/quote]
Not if they are married. It's the marital home no matter whose name is on what.

Funnylittlefloozie · 21/11/2021 09:55

OP, please call the police. He is an abuser and you do NOT have to live like this.

DameFanny · 21/11/2021 09:58

Police. They can get you in to the house and you can make a formal complaint for the physical and emotional abuse.

And a solicitor, to get him off the mortgage and deeds. You may also qualify for some legal aid as a DV victim, which you may need if he starts with the 'I'll take full custody and the house and you'll have to pay me'

You can do this, you really can

liveforsummer · 21/11/2021 09:59

What was the outcome? (Assume this happened yesterday or was it longer ago?). If you didn't call the police at the time it's not too late

MNHQ

MillieMumsnet · 21/11/2021 10:03

‘We're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ '

Original poster

UnicornsAintReal · 21/11/2021 10:14

There is so much that I want to say, but im ashamed to say. A while back I managed to finally call womens aid and spoke to them, the more I spoke it all started coming out and I found it really cathartic. I managed to tell the advisor something that she then said that she'd have to flag with her manager as it was particularly concerning. I had to plead with her not to take it forward and that I was actually taking steps to leave by slowly by trying to get documents into my possession eg passport. I wanted to do things on my terms.

My fear is that LO will get taken from me, which he threatens me with all the time. I dont really have family around or many friends that I can trust. My SIL (OHs sister) was someone I used to talk to but even she is fed up of him after years of him being a prick to her she has stopped speaking to him and recently stopped speaking to me.

I feel relaxed when hes not here and at work. Even when I plan things with him, he just has a face on and will somehow always mess the day up by.

OP posts:

DameFanny · 21/11/2021 10:19

Please take all the help you can get from women's Aid and the police. And your SIL may have had to disengage because she couldn't bear to see you being abused any more - tell her you're thinking of leaving, she may well help you. I'm saying tell her you're thinking rather than definitely, only in case she has a brain fart and tells your soon-to-be-ex. But it's worth sounding her out for support.

You can do this

nomorefrogs · 21/11/2021 10:20

Op abusers often threaten women that they will lose your children. You will not if you actively protect them from being exposed to abuse. At the moment you would be on shaky ground if you have been advised that there is serious risk you are choosing to ignore. Please safeguard yourself and your child.

JessCat75 · 21/11/2021 10:20

I've only gotten through half your post, call the police and report the assault and get this excuse for a man out of your house and your child's life right now, please!

Original poster

UnicornsAintReal · 21/11/2021 10:21

The title deeds have both our names.
99% of everything in the house was brought by me. The painting and decorating was also done by me, literally spent 3 days painting the living room with a baby. I made this house into a home and he uses it as a hotel and says it's his house.

OP posts:

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 21/11/2021 10:23

He's FAR more likely to get contact if you don't report it to the police

ninnynonny · 21/11/2021 10:28

Please call the police. I rarely comment on these posts as I shamefully allowed my ex to treat me appallingly many years ago and I feel I have no right to advise anyone else but I don't want anyone to suffer the same. There is a lot of help now. You can't let this go on.

Double3xposure · 21/11/2021 10:38

OP you have asked for advice and you would do well to listen to the wise ladies on here.

Call the police. This is for your child’s safety as well as your own.

Your partner is LESS likely to get unsupervised contact with your child if you have police reports .

Leaving is when you and your child are at the highest risk.

Things are escalating and it nay not be safe for you to hand around doing this on your own terms and at your own speed. You are not in control of your partners anger and violence - you need to react to how he is acting and the threats he is making.

You need to listen to the advice here, what womens aid said and what the police will no doubt tell you when you report this.

I understand that you love your house and have put a lot of work into it. But you need to focus right now on your own safety and your childish safety and less on the painting.

Please call the police now. You can take your child to visit a friend / family member and do it from their house if that’s safer.

KaycePollard · 21/11/2021 10:48

My fear is that LO will get taken from me, which he threatens me with all the time.

Just because he threatens you with this, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.

He is violent and abusive. He’s also coercive controlling you. There are laws against domestic violence and coercive control.

Can you get back to Women’s Aid?

Good luck @UnicornsAintReal. Do you have a friend or family whom you trust? Tell them everything and get support.

Get this man out of yours and your sons life.

Finknottlesnewt · 21/11/2021 10:52

Are you married to this barely human life form UnicornsAintReal ? Or just cohabiting?

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