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Original poster

Would this texting style or lack of annoy you?

67 replies

EchoElephant · 20/11/2021 19:02

I've been dating someone for about 3 months. Things are going well. He always sends me a text in the morning wishing me a good day with maybe a comment about something to do with the day ahead.

If we're not seeing each other that day then we'll have a chat on the phone. He doesn't do a lot of texting. Sometimes I'll send him a text and he'll read it but doesn't reply unless it has a question to answer.

We were supposed to spend this weekend today but I've got a bad cold so I suggested on Friday eve that he stayed away. Then I had a family emergency which was quite distressing for me. I rang him for some support but at that point I only knew a few details.

This morning he sent a text saying 'hope you feel better today'. That was all it said. Didn't ask if I needed anything or if I had any more news.
So I replied that I was feeling a lot worse and filled him in on the family emergency.
He read my text but didn't reply.

I left it a few hours then sent another text saying I guessed he was having a busy day. He replied with a list of what he'd been doing and said he was sorry I still felt ill.

By this time I was annoyed so I asked why he'd ignored my original text, saying that I thought he was being rude.

He said he'd been busy with his plans for the day, that he couldn't make me better and I shouldn't take it out on him.

I said I'm sorry that my cold had ruined our plans for the weekend but I had hoped he would call me. He's read that and not replied.

I accept my cold, being on my own and my family situation have made me more grumpy and stressed than usual, but am I wrong to have expected a bit more from him?

OP posts:
GroovesintheHeart · 20/11/2021 19:05

He’s sounds totally uninterested.

Why do you want to date someone who only cares for himself? You don’t need to apologise for a cold.

LemonTT · 20/11/2021 19:10

I would be put off by your expectations. You have been dating for a matter of months or weeks. He expressed interest in your health. You called him about whatever the emergency was but I’m not sure whether he needs to be involved in family situations. Wouldn’t your family be that support.

You want someone different from who he is. Time for you to move on.

Original poster
EchoElephant · 20/11/2021 19:19

The family emergency involved my parents, who are my only family. I didn't have any one else to talk to at the time.
A few weeks ago they also had a minor drama and he offered to help without me asking.
I've met his family. He said he wants me to be part of his life.

I feel he can't cope with me being ill because that's something he can't fix.

OP posts:
FindingMeno · 20/11/2021 19:21

He sounds a bit too self interested to me.
Yes, it'd piss me off.

FabulousMrFifty · 20/11/2021 19:21

I was him, I would be put off by your texting style and I would be one thinking about moving on.

GroovesintheHeart · 20/11/2021 19:22

Believe someone’s actions not words.

Whataday21 · 20/11/2021 19:26

I'd want more than that. He's not supportive of you at all. He's just not that bothered. I'd move on.

Original poster
EchoElephant · 20/11/2021 19:32

@FabulousMrFifty what would put you off about my texting style? If someone I cared about was ill and stressed about their family, I wouldn't ignore them all day. Even if was busy I'd find the time for a quick text.

@GroovesintheHeart do you mean his actions? Up to now I've had no complaint

OP posts:
Lostoldusername · 20/11/2021 19:40

I think you're expecting a bit much. Some men aren't great at communicating in general. He has messaged, but just not what you wanted.

Theturnofthepoo · 20/11/2021 19:40

Dunno sounds slightly full on for 3 months with the family stuff. I was still dating my partner at 3 months.

Theturnofthepoo · 20/11/2021 19:41

He probably wasn’t ignoring you though, you said you were ill and couldn’t meet up so he made his own plans?

FatHat · 20/11/2021 19:47

I think you're expecting far too much this early on.

Original poster
EchoElephant · 20/11/2021 19:52

He has replied to me saying that I'm blaming him for cancelling the weekend. Which I haven't done. I've apologised at least twice for being ill.

He also said he wasn't ignoring me but just didn't want to get involved in my drama

So I guess I know where I stand now Sad

OP posts:
PoppyMonth · 20/11/2021 19:54

I think you seem a bit needy at the beginning of a relationship.

supercali77 · 20/11/2021 19:59

I dont think 3 months in is 'too early' to imagine a potential partner may take an interest in your emotional wellbeing. Ask after your parents. Ask how you are. How is that 'too much'. Either way. Its not enough for you. Its something you'd do and something you want so....id say take your cue from that.

sunnyzweibrucken · 20/11/2021 20:00

You seem to expect a little too much only a few months into dating. If this was a six months or more relationship then maybe I would think differently.

LettertoHermoine · 20/11/2021 20:01

Expecting way too much at this early stage.

turnaroundtime · 20/11/2021 20:02

My DH proposed to me the week we met. 30 years ago. 3 months of monogamous dating is not too soon to expect care and loving behaviour. Some people set the bar so low.

WakeuptoCake · 20/11/2021 20:03

If he liked you a lot he’d be concerned about an emergency in your family - at least check you’re ok. Why is he calling it family drama? You should be at the forefront of his mind if he likes you , not an afterthought.
He’s got on with his day and isn’t interested when your ill or have issues

WakeuptoCake · 20/11/2021 20:03

You’re

GroovesintheHeart · 20/11/2021 20:06

[quote EchoElephant]@FabulousMrFifty what would put you off about my texting style? If someone I cared about was ill and stressed about their family, I wouldn't ignore them all day. Even if was busy I'd find the time for a quick text.

@GroovesintheHeart do you mean his actions? Up to now I've had no complaint[/quote]
He said he wants you in his life but nothing you’ve posted suggested you are.

Eddielzzard · 20/11/2021 20:08

He isn't able or willing to provide emotional support and I believe that won't change.

Kite22 · 20/11/2021 20:09

I would be put off by your expectations. You have been dating for a matter of months or weeks. He expressed interest in your health. You called him about whatever the emergency was but I’m not sure whether he needs to be involved in family situations. Wouldn’t your family be that support.

This ^
I wouldn't be annoyed by him, but if I were him, I might be a bit annoyed by you.

Aprilx · 20/11/2021 20:10

I don’t think I would have a major issue,, but if I had to pick, I think your texting expectations would be more off putting. You called off the weekend because of a cold but then expect him to be hanging around waiting to answer your text messages and have a text conversation about a family emergency. Too much.

GertietheGherkin · 20/11/2021 20:12

Well he's made it clear exactly how he feels, and it looks like it's not going any further for you.

If there's been a couple of incidents quite quickly he maybe thinking it's too much drama for him, and that's his choice.

He text say he hoped you were feeling better, so he's not without feeling... He probably didn't want all of the business with your parents, you cancelling the weekend due to being poorly, so he made his own plans/arrangements, and you expected him to be there for you in your family matters, texting, and then having a go at him and telling him he was being rude.

I would feel it was all getting a bit dramatic and be rethinking things if I were him too. It's all a bit too much, too soon.