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Original poster

At what age did you finally give up on making your parents proud?

54 replies

malificent7 · 20/11/2021 18:31

I am 43. Just qualified in a degree...got a 1st. In my 1st year i got a very high mark in exam.Dad said its because the exam is too easy. And yet i still want to make him proud...why? It has rested in me doing things that arent suited to me.

OP posts:
Theturnofthepoo · 20/11/2021 18:33

Congratulations op Smile Flowers

My mum is like this! I’d like to know too!

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 20/11/2021 18:37

I never cared about making them proud.
My motivation was always based on whether I wanted to do something or not.
I think I was 5 when my mum tried to make me something and said "I'd be so proud" and that just pushed me the other way.
If I could've I would've said "that means nothing to me"

Glassofshloer · 20/11/2021 18:40

My late 20s. I realised they don’t care what I think so why bother. I also realised people actually respect you more when you’re not trying to please them. Congrats on the fab result!

Crumblinginside · 20/11/2021 18:40

Well Done Op
About 10 years ago when I got married.
Mum spoilt the wedding in her own sneaky way. I've dine a Masters. They don't react in anyway to achievements.

Even now the dc are doing well they make negative comments that they will get bored if I do much with them (eg reading) Hmm
Not in great contact with them

Hen2018 · 20/11/2021 18:42

I realised I was never going to make them proud or happy pretty early on.

I gave up trying aged 35.

Hellocatshome · 20/11/2021 18:42

When I was about 13 and my DF called me a "fucking disgusting tart" and I realised his opinion of me didn't matter to me at all.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 20/11/2021 18:44

I've accomplished a lot in life but at nearly 50 I still feel like a disappointment. They don't say it, but they did when I was a teenager so now all the degrees, all the career accomplishments, all the healthy and happy kids, all the good stuff, for me is outweighed by a small number of things I may have failed at.
I wish I didn't care. I care less about them than I do about making them care about me and I don't know why.

CharmingScene · 20/11/2021 18:47

💐 to everyone on this thread

AlligatorDentist · 20/11/2021 18:48

Any day now. My rod, my back.

LoveFall · 20/11/2021 18:48

I never stopped wanting to make them proud. They both died when I was in my late 50s and even today I get the urge to pick up the phone and chat to my Dad about things that have happened etc. I know he was proud of me so perhaps that's why.

I was proud of them too.

chillie · 20/11/2021 18:48

At 41. Oddly now in the last couple of years (I'm 50) they have started to say proud things about me. It's nice but makes no difference to me because I have already accepted me, as is, myself.

catsareme14 · 20/11/2021 18:48

I gave up at about 40 . Realised I could end up being 60 still craving approval . So liberating to draw a line in the sand under it .

Snugglepumpkin · 20/11/2021 18:53

When I was still at school I realised that it didn't matter what I did, my mother always knows someone elses second cousins next door neighbors niece (or other similarly irrelevant person I had never heard of before or since) who did it faster/better/cheaper/younger/with more flair than I did.

Seriously, nothing is good enough for her so I stopped caring.
Just as well because let me tell you, my mother knows a woman who she chatted to once in a cafe who knew someone who was friends with someone who has a daughter who cares far less than I.

Mynameisrow · 20/11/2021 18:56

Congratulations on a fantastic achievement.

My mum is very much like your dad. I did a degree I didn’t want to do because I wanted my mum to be proud of me. I did so many things in my life I don’t enjoy because I was desperate for my mums approval.

It was very freeing when I realised I would never live up to her expectations. It was difficult to accept at first but I realised she didn’t live up to my expectations of what my mum should be.

ScabbyHorse · 20/11/2021 18:57

At about 25

Grumpyosaurus · 20/11/2021 18:59

My father wasn't a nice man.

I chucked in the towel at about 26. Just couldn't be bothered any longer.

ravenmum · 20/11/2021 18:59

They can't be proud of your achievements if they have done nothing to help you achieve them (not even having your back). It means that your achievements are 100% down to you and you are the only one who is entitled to be proud.

londonmummy1966 · 20/11/2021 19:16

I stopped at about your age when I mentioned to my therapist that I'd gone back to pick up some very challenging music I'd not really tackled since college. My parents came and I'd been feeling really pleased with myself for having got through the performance. I said so and DM commented that of course my little brother was the really musical one in the family. That would be the boy that failed grade 1 violin and gave up rather than the daughter who'd got Grade 8 with distinction at the same age and had just played a fellowship level piece. My therapist pointed out that if their opinion was that ignorant it wasn't worth having anyway. He said that I couldn't change them but I could change my attitude to their opinions and recognise them for the dross they actually were. I've not given a damn since and feel much happier for it.

Badoukas · 20/11/2021 19:17

@Mynameisrow

Congratulations on a fantastic achievement.

My mum is very much like your dad. I did a degree I didn’t want to do because I wanted my mum to be proud of me. I did so many things in my life I don’t enjoy because I was desperate for my mums approval.

It was very freeing when I realised I would never live up to her expectations. It was difficult to accept at first but I realised she didn’t live up to my expectations of what my mum should be.

I've been down the exact same road. My mother is dead now, and I'm free of it all.
OrchidPetalsFalling · 20/11/2021 19:22

When I called my youngest a name I knew they wouldn’t like. So 3years ago

MadMadMadamMim · 20/11/2021 19:33

I'm going to give up any day now. I'm 56.

It's clear that despite my professional career, the happy and successful children that I've raised and everything I've managed to cope with in life that they will always think I'm 'difficult' and never really be proud of me.

The last time I achieved a promotion and I phoned to tell them my mother held the phone away from her ear to pass the news on to my father and I heard him say clearly, I never thought for a minute she'd get it. I am good at my job, but never quite good enough for them to be proud of me.

FreeBritnee · 20/11/2021 19:36

Bless you. Congratulations 💐

I gave that up in my early twenties. It’s a fools game.

NuffSaidSam · 20/11/2021 19:39

I don't think I've ever tried. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing really.

DrWankincense · 20/11/2021 19:40

About 41???
Congratulations to you, a fantastic achievement.
My parents love the bragging rights of what I've done and who I am but their actions are quite clearly those of people who don't gaf. You reap what you sow.

MarshmallowSwede · 20/11/2021 19:40

Congratulations OP! That’s really something that you can be proud of.