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Original poster

At what age did you finally give up on making your parents proud?

54 replies

malificent7 · 20/11/2021 18:31

I am 43. Just qualified in a degree...got a 1st. In my 1st year i got a very high mark in exam.Dad said its because the exam is too easy. And yet i still want to make him proud...why? It has rested in me doing things that arent suited to me.

OP posts:
Rogue1001 · 20/11/2021 19:42

I haven't achieved anything like some of you on here, but I'm in my 50s and still haven't.

More fool me

FindingMeno · 20/11/2021 19:43

Never given up, because my parents were proud at us being good people and never asked for any more.

ragged · 20/11/2021 19:47

I don't recall ever trying to make them proud.
We get along fine, btw.
I always disappointed in them in many ways.
I suppose I responded by assuming the situation was hopeless rather than thinking I could please them.

Iamtheweedonkey · 20/11/2021 19:50

Sadly, still trying and I'm 48! I've always been told by my dad that I'm stupid, I was at the back of the queue when brains were handed etc. I have literally just got a 2:1 degree, and nada!

Heruka · 20/11/2021 19:53

Aw congratulations OP. I have not yet given up seeking their approval at 40. It’s a great question. In my case I know DM is proud but will she ever accept me as I come and not think she knows best on my life? Unlikely. I need to learn to accept it won’t change.

BeggarsMeddle · 20/11/2021 20:16

According to my father I 'went off the rails' at 50 and they (he and mum) didn't recognise me. Not that I had been a conspicuous success in the preceding years. He told me this on his death bed when I was 60. I was still a disappointment at the end and it's too late to redeem myself now. I feel strangely free and unburdened.

ClareBlue · 20/11/2021 20:24

@BeggarsMeddle

According to my father I 'went off the rails' at 50 and they (he and mum) didn't recognise me. Not that I had been a conspicuous success in the preceding years. He told me this on his death bed when I was 60. I was still a disappointment at the end and it's too late to redeem myself now. I feel strangely free and unburdened.
Please share how you go off the rails at 50. I presuming you didn't turn into a serial killer and it was something more mundane like going back to college or hitching across Estonia. We started do Michael Portillo Continental rail journeys and my sister thought we were weird. I gave up trying to please family at 17 as it was obvious it wasn't going to happen.
Ragwort · 20/11/2021 20:25

Some sad comments on here ... I am 63 & my DM (88) is ridiculously proud of me .. it's embarrassing Grin. I don't have to 'try' ... she is always positive and complements me on whatever I do (eg: being voted in as President of the WI !!) and I am absolutely nothing special. It makes me realise how lucky I have been all my life to have loving, supportive parents Smile.

Standstheclockattentothree · 20/11/2021 20:30

Congratulations on your first OP, what a fantastic achievement. Think I gave up trying when my mother died. Although I really should have done it when I asked her why she never said anything positive about me as a child, and she replied with 'there's nothing positive to say'. Life is better now I'm free of her constant judgment.

ClareBlue · 20/11/2021 21:31

@Ragwort

Some sad comments on here ... I am 63 & my DM (88) is ridiculously proud of me .. it's embarrassing Grin. I don't have to 'try' ... she is always positive and complements me on whatever I do (eg: being voted in as President of the WI !!) and I am absolutely nothing special. It makes me realise how lucky I have been all my life to have loving, supportive parents Smile.
Maybe you actually are something special but don't see it the same as your mother. But I agree, it is so sad when parents can't find anything positive about their children and never acknowledge their achievements. Not everyone can be an astronaut, as the books says, but the vast majority of children grow up to be law abiding, tax paying, kind, positive members of society who find a niche in life and are generally happy and good people, which is actually what keeps it all going. Parents should be proud of their children's achievements, on whatever level they are. I'm like your mother and have to reign it back a bit around others, who don't always get how great my children areGrin none of which are anywhere near being astronauts.
Gwrach · 20/11/2021 21:34

I've never tried to make my mum or dad proud 🤣

I've just been me, I'm 31 now and don't particularly care, especially my estranged father he can fuck right off. My mum just loves me, she's never judged, never put pressure on me. Just absolute love for me.

Oblomov21 · 20/11/2021 21:39

I never tried to, I never needed to, because I always knew they were. These posts are sad to read. Have you had counselling for your dysfunctional childhood?

BrilliantBetty · 20/11/2021 21:50

Always been pretty sure they are proud of me. Not that I've ever done anything special.
Sometimes I think they are upset I am not a leftie socialist like they are but on the whole they accept it and support me in whatever I do.

lifestoooshort · 20/11/2021 21:51

About 40-such a shame some parents aren't proud of their children just for being who they are not what they've achieved

blackwych · 20/11/2021 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dunkery · 20/11/2021 22:39

@DrWankincense

About 41??? Congratulations to you, a fantastic achievement. My parents love the bragging rights of what I've done and who I am but their actions are quite clearly those of people who don't gaf. You reap what you sow.
I agree my mother loves having the bragging rights - the underlying reason is to prove what a wonderful mother she is for producing such a clever child. But she never praised or complimented me or told me she was proud of me, it was always implied that I could have done better.
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 20/11/2021 22:46

I just don't know. My two siblings get praise for whatever they do however mediocre. They've had everything on a plate while I've been shut out.
Me, I've fought serious mental illness, educated myself later on in life, worked my way through a degree, brought up a child alone, am now an NHS manager yet they are not proud of anything I achieved.
When my siblings graduated they practically jumped through the roof with excitement, took loads of photos, gave them gifts.
When I graduated they begrudgingly came to the ceremony, didn't take any photos, looked bored and left as soon as possible.
I'm almost at retirement and my heart aches everyday because of it.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 20/11/2021 22:48

I haven't seen them for almost three years now and nobody has ever said I miss you why don't you come over.

urbanbuddha · 20/11/2021 22:54

Just qualified in a degree...got a 1st. In my 1st year i got a very high mark in exam.Dad said its because the exam is too easy.

What a prize tosser! I bet he didn't get a first.

Rocketpants50 · 20/11/2021 22:59

I gave up.teying

Rocketpants50 · 20/11/2021 23:03

Whoops
I gave up trying when I realised they just put obstacles in my way to succeed at anything. Like preventing me from getting my full financial entitlement at university so I had to get a job alongside studying.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/11/2021 00:03

About six and a half. About the time that I realised I was unlikely to be quite such the stupid child she informed me I was at regular intervals when my reading and mathematical abilities were greater than both hers and those of the so called 'really clever' half sibling who failed his Maths CSE along with everything else except woodwork.

Didn't stop me rolling my eyes aged 13 when the poor teacher made a point of calling home to tell her I'd scored 98.6% in the end of year exam (the 1.4% was from a half mark lost by not writing the units down on one answer) and he'd be happy to arrange for a prize if she could tell him what she thought I'd like - she bollocked me for letting the teacher make a fuss of me, I shouldn't be leading men on like that and how dare he ask 'aren't you proud of her?', to which she answered 'of course not'.

NC. And have only missed the idea of a parent since the day I bailed, not the person herself.

DramaAlpaca · 21/11/2021 00:07

I'm 57 and still trying. I'd love them to say they are proud of me but they are in their 80s and it ain't gonna happen.

My children know I'm proud of them.

EmergencyHydrangea · 21/11/2021 00:20

I was 15. I finally accepted that she didn't actually like me and I'd never be what she wanted

LordoftheDanceSaidHe · 21/11/2021 04:57

My DM has made it clear she's disappointed that I didn't marry well and be a housewife and SAHM. She'd like me to ideally be part of the golf club. . She's clearly not keen on my personality as I'm determined and hard working and the worst of all is that I have opinions.

I have a lovely life with a rewarding career, loving family with great DH and Ds and many friends. I try not to be sad about it but I am. I feel rather stupid about that.. I really envy people whose parents accept them for who they actually are.