Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Had enough of my fucking mother!

53 replies

user7994326 · 20/11/2021 09:00

Big of Background:

My parents broke up when I was 4yo. They continued to physically fight in the street where I lived. At the end of the fights I was the one who calmed everyone down, all the adults around me were crying sand upset.

This, along with my undiagnosed autism, meant that I didn't show any emotion towards my mother. I'm still frightened to this day to be vulnerable in front of her.

During my childhood I was passed from parent to parent as they each didn't want to take care of me. My mum had boyfriend after boyfriend, they were all invading my home and space, some were verbally abusive at times, one threatened me. She would constantly holiday with different men leaving me behind in my dad's care.

My dad remarried (Islamically) and both he and my step mum were physically abusive towards me. My mum would constantly call my dad to pick me up as she couldn't cope with me (autistic behaviours), he'd then take me to his house and whip and beat me. My mum knew this but let it happen.

Neither of them were good parents but I think my dad did love me whereas I've never felt loved by my mum.

At one stage my dad whipped me so severely that I went to school with arm length gloves on. When I refused to remove them in class I was kept behind. When the teacher saw the lumps on my arms and hands she called social services. We had input from them but ultimately nothing changed.

When I was 15 my dad beat me up with a metal dish drainer, I ran away to the nearest phone box and called the police. The police arrived and tried to take me to my mother's home but she was with a man and unavailable. Luckily, they managed to get through to my auntie and I went there. The next day I called social services but they said I was to return home, they didn't have a duty to house me as my dad said I could return home therefore I wasn't homeless.
I had to go to a solicitor and get a letter written to social to tell them to house me. Finally they put me in supported lodgings but after a few months this service was closed so I was left renting rooms from that age.

My mum has been in and out of my life since then, not really helping me with anything or mothering me.

I now have my own child. I'm a single mum and have no support. I'm fine with this but my mum likes to pretend that she is supporting and helpful when she isn't.

I speak to my mum on facetime and she constantly comments and belittles me. I've had enough and I think she should be grateful I talk to her at all.

Today my dc asked to watch the ipad. I responded saying, "remember, you didn't do as mummy asked earlier?" And my mum shouts from facetime "were they naughty?" I replied yes they didn't listen to me earlier" my mum then said "poor dc. I feel sorry for them. I never told you off."

This may seem like nothing but time after time hour after hour I'm sick of her comments.

She has never looked after my dc. I've never had a break.
I do attachment parenting and still breastfeed, bedshare etc. The other day I had been awake all night and I asked my mum if she could play with dc in the living room for an hour or two so I could have a nap. She them proceeded to dig at me, laugh at me when I was making phone calls because she didn't want to help.

OP posts:
user7994326 · 20/11/2021 09:04

Phone call the other day, "do you think you're a good parent? I used to take you out every day. You don't take dc out every day."

She'll constantly call me fat, overweight.

Say I'm aggressive, abusive.

Hint that I'm a bad mother because I'm tired.

Constantly question me as to why I'm tired. Constantly say, "poor dc."

OP posts:
2Hot2Handle · 20/11/2021 09:11

The whole way through reading this, I wanted to jump back in time and come and help you. It sounds like you’ve been let down by every adult in your life growing up and it’s amazing that you’ve forged a life for yourself and are raising your DD in a loving, caring environment.
Why do you feel the need to be in contact with your mother? It doesn’t sound as though she brings anything to yours or your DD’s life. Would life be healthier without her in it?

2Hot2Handle · 20/11/2021 09:11

Sorry, your DC. I’ve made an assumption that you have a daughter.

Wolfiefan · 20/11/2021 09:14

So don’t speak to her.
And keep your DC away from both parents. Decent people don’t verbally or physically abuse their children. Your child deserves to be protected from them.

user7994326 · 20/11/2021 09:15

@2Hot2Handle

The whole way through reading this, I wanted to jump back in time and come and help you. It sounds like you’ve been let down by every adult in your life growing up and it’s amazing that you’ve forged a life for yourself and are raising your DD in a loving, caring environment. Why do you feel the need to be in contact with your mother? It doesn’t sound as though she brings anything to yours or your DD’s life. Would life be healthier without her in it?
Thank you so much for replying.

That first sentence bought a tear to my eye. I try not to imagine me when I was younger.
When my dad had finished beating me I used to write letters and notes. One I used to write is, "please call my mum 07xxxxxx" and try to show people from the top window. They were too far away to see it, of course.

One time when my dad was about to beat me, we were in the car and he said I had unt we got home to give him a good enough reason not to beat me. I kept listing things, "because you love me" and he said no.
He had locked the doors in the car but I kept thinking about unlocking them and rolling into the road which would have hurt less, what stopped me was I knew I'd be back with him eventually.

I don't know why she's in my life. Perhaps it's this desire to be loved by her. But every time I talk to her she just makes me sad and negative. I can't think of anything she brings to my life tbh.

OP posts:
user7994326 · 20/11/2021 09:16

@Wolfiefan

So don’t speak to her. And keep your DC away from both parents. Decent people don’t verbally or physically abuse their children. Your child deserves to be protected from them.
My dad has never met my dc.

My mum was physically abusive but she says it was because I was too hard to manage so I don't know.

My dc have never been alone with her but I am starting to think that she shouldn't be able to even speak to my dc as she hasn't changed.

OP posts:
magicstars · 20/11/2021 09:17

I'm so sorry you had such a terribly abusive childhood. Both of your parents sound awful & you incredibly resilient (if that's the right word).
You dm Is not doing you any favours, she's deluded -either because she can't face reality, or because she's trying to play games with you.
You would be better off going NC with her, as would your dc.
💐

Wolfiefan · 20/11/2021 09:18

You were a child.
She abused you.
There is NO excuse.
She is simply abusive.
I’m so sorry. You deserved so much better OP.

Snuggz · 20/11/2021 09:19

Your mum sounds toxic as fuck. Why would you want such an awful influence around your own child/ren?

Even now as an adult she’s still abusing you. Imagine when your child/ren are old enough to understand, what poison will she be saying to them? Will she call them fat/lazy/stupid etc?

You need to do better and protect your kids. You’ve even said she’s never looked after your kids so what real purpose is there to keep her in your life? It’s not like she’s apologised for what she did in the past and is trying to make up for it now.

You should really speak to a therapist/counsellor about your childhood and past. You have a LOT of trauma to unpack and the fact you think your dad was a good man even after you’ve said he beat you with a metal rod is very sad. You’ve been let down by everyone. Your parents and wider society at large. I hope you get the help you need to heal and not pass the trauma down to your children either.

user7994326 · 20/11/2021 09:20

@magicstars

I'm so sorry you had such a terribly abusive childhood. Both of your parents sound awful & you incredibly resilient (if that's the right word). You dm Is not doing you any favours, she's deluded -either because she can't face reality, or because she's trying to play games with you. You would be better off going NC with her, as would your dc. 💐
Thank you for replying.

I keep questioning if it's abusive so seeing you say this really helps.

Thank you

OP posts:
user7994326 · 20/11/2021 09:20

@Wolfiefan

You were a child. She abused you. There is NO excuse. She is simply abusive. I’m so sorry. You deserved so much better OP.
Thank you Wolfie
OP posts:
Thatsplentyjack · 20/11/2021 09:22

I would be telling her a few home truths about what a shot mother she was and what you went through at your father's. Seems like she's erased that from her memory. Then cut her out.
Do you still speak to your father?

Lottapianos · 20/11/2021 09:24

My gosh, that was a really upsetting read OP. Both your parents make me feel sick on your behalf. I'm so sorry for what they both put you through.

You say you never felt love from your mum but you think your dad did love you. What kind of 'love' is involved in beating a child senseless, in torturing them by asking them to come up with reasons why they shouldn't be beaten? I'm struggling to find the words to describe his behaviour. Sadistically abusive is the closest I can get, and it doesn't seem adequate

You do not have to have your mother in your life. You know the truth, you know what she did to you. Having her gaslighting you and inventing stories about what a great mother she is will do you no good at all. It's down to your hard work and bravery that you have emerged from your childhood as a sane adult who is capable of being a good parent. You owe your mother nothing

tinselvestsparklepants · 20/11/2021 09:26

Sounds like both you and your children would be better off without her in your lives. You owe her nothing. You may be related but that doesn't mean you have to continue contact. If she was someone else from your childhood who had treated you like that, would you still be in touch? Save your emotional energy for your own children. There are some great threads on here that may help you - the But We Took You To Stately Homes threads are for adults whose parents emotionally abused them and the posters there might be able to help you untangle your feelings as they've been there themselves.

BrushFlossSmile · 20/11/2021 09:26

It's hard to break free, even from toxic parents who've abused you. However, you simply must find the strength to cut them both out of your life for good.

user7994326 · 20/11/2021 09:26

@Snuggz

Your mum sounds toxic as fuck. Why would you want such an awful influence around your own child/ren?

Even now as an adult she’s still abusing you. Imagine when your child/ren are old enough to understand, what poison will she be saying to them? Will she call them fat/lazy/stupid etc?

You need to do better and protect your kids. You’ve even said she’s never looked after your kids so what real purpose is there to keep her in your life? It’s not like she’s apologised for what she did in the past and is trying to make up for it now.

You should really speak to a therapist/counsellor about your childhood and past. You have a LOT of trauma to unpack and the fact you think your dad was a good man even after you’ve said he beat you with a metal rod is very sad. You’ve been let down by everyone. Your parents and wider society at large. I hope you get the help you need to heal and not pass the trauma down to your children either.

I agree she is. Even after 25 years it's the same. I can never discuss anything from my childhood with her as she doesn't want to address it.

I really don't think she brings anything to my life. She doesn't help with anything.

My dc's dad was abusive. I needed him to help with my dc one time and he said I need to get on the floor and beg. Both his grandma and my mum said I should do as he says.

I've had input from CAMHS since I was 4. I've seen lots of therapists/ counsellors in my time. I've been on anti depressants since 11/12.
I think I've healed in the sense that I accept what happened and I just get on with it. It's weird writing this post because I don't usually tap into my emotions.
My dc is the light of my life and I just do everything for them now. I'm generally a positive and content person, it's just the negativity from my mum so I'm satisfied it's not going to be passed down to my dc.

I think my dad was an awful parent also. I just meant that, on occasion, I felt loved by him whereas I never felt that from my mum.

Thanks for your reply

OP posts:
awesomekilick · 20/11/2021 09:26

You're questioning if she was abusive? Let me tell you loud and clear - she was. You had an awful awful childhood. You were neglected emotionally and damaged mentally and physically. That poor little girl...

Until and unless your mum understands and acknowledges her neglect, don't have anything to do with her.

Every single time she's critical of you - every time - simply say "I don't want your comments mum".

LuluBlakey1 · 20/11/2021 09:27

It is an horrendous experience- what a terrible thing to happen to a child.
Why do you have your mother in your life when you could choose not to? Are there times your relationship is good or is she like this all the time?

There is a thread called something like 'But we took you to stately homes...' which might help you.

user7994326 · 20/11/2021 09:28

@Thatsplentyjack

I would be telling her a few home truths about what a shot mother she was and what you went through at your father's. Seems like she's erased that from her memory. Then cut her out. Do you still speak to your father?
I tell her but she doesn't listen.

She just replied "it's not abuse"

I've showed her some of your comments.

She doesn't take any responsibility

OP posts:
user7994326 · 20/11/2021 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lottapianos · 20/11/2021 09:31

'I tell her but she doesn't listen.'

She's not going to listen. People like her are just not capable of any empathy. You will never get her to accept how awful her behaviour was, and still is. Stop showing her this thread, no good will come of it.

I know this really hurts, but she's never going to accept your pain, and really hear you. She brings nothing good to your life and that is not going to change

Wolfiefan · 20/11/2021 09:33

Just stop engaging with her. Nothing you say will change her and make her admit she’s behaved in an abusive way.
Block and move on.

user7994326 · 20/11/2021 09:34

@Lottapianos

My gosh, that was a really upsetting read OP. Both your parents make me feel sick on your behalf. I'm so sorry for what they both put you through.

You say you never felt love from your mum but you think your dad did love you. What kind of 'love' is involved in beating a child senseless, in torturing them by asking them to come up with reasons why they shouldn't be beaten? I'm struggling to find the words to describe his behaviour. Sadistically abusive is the closest I can get, and it doesn't seem adequate

You do not have to have your mother in your life. You know the truth, you know what she did to you. Having her gaslighting you and inventing stories about what a great mother she is will do you no good at all. It's down to your hard work and bravery that you have emerged from your childhood as a sane adult who is capable of being a good parent. You owe your mother nothing

Thank you for your response.

In regards to my dad, it was more that I don't think he regretted my existence. My mum wished me dead. She was almost like a teenage parent, getting drunk, unstable. She didn't take responsibility. Man after man. I remember saving up to buy pans for her house at aged 10. I walked to the shopping centre, drew out £10 from my account and bought pans from wilko. They were cheap but at least they were pans. Whereas my dad was more stable, had food on the table, had pans, plates etc etc.

I can't understand how she's still feeding herself the story that she's a good parent. It's bizarre.

I'm so glad I'm such a good mum. Sometimes too good a mum as I do nothing for myself but this is all down to me, I have nothing to thank her for you're right

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 20/11/2021 09:34

Sorry OP, you have posted while I was writing and answered my question.

She sounds like a complete drain on you emotionally- every time you see or speak to her, her behaviour must remind you of what happened to you as a child. She is still abusing you- you are still her victim.

You deserved loving parents- every child does. You didn't have them and had no choice about what happened to you as a child. But you do have a choice now- never to see either of them again or have them in your own children's lives, if that is what you want. You can choose now not to be her victim. Reading how horrific it was and how awful it still is, I think you deserve a life free from it all.

user7994326 · 20/11/2021 09:35

@tinselvestsparklepants

Sounds like both you and your children would be better off without her in your lives. You owe her nothing. You may be related but that doesn't mean you have to continue contact. If she was someone else from your childhood who had treated you like that, would you still be in touch? Save your emotional energy for your own children. There are some great threads on here that may help you - the But We Took You To Stately Homes threads are for adults whose parents emotionally abused them and the posters there might be able to help you untangle your feelings as they've been there themselves.
Thank you.

I read through those threads, very enlightening.

I think it's difficult because I had autism and was seen as a difficult child, all my family and childhood friends don't think she was a bad parent. They still think I was a bad child. Which reinforces the idea in my head.

OP posts: