What happens when one partner finds God

[Isthisthereaklife]

And the other doesn’t ?

Can it work ?

@HollowTalk

Does he have a problem with previous addictions?

Not addictions no but maybe I should be more tolerant

My partner is Christian and was when I met him, he became religious when he was about 18 and was baptised.

I am not particularly religious and certainly wouldn't call myself a Christian

But we still have similar values

My best friends parents, her father is not religious and her mother is catholic. They have been together almost 40 years and have 4 children together

Some of these comments are so dismissive

I've been with my partner 7 years and we are very happy.

He sounds obsessive, and obsessives don’t make good partners.

@RedRobyn2021

Some of these comments are so dismissive

I've been with my partner 7 years and we are very happy.

This isn’t about being religious it’s about someone having an epiphany during a relationship and essentially becoming a different person ..

By the way we have been together happily for six years so this is a huge change

If my partner 'found god' or started navel gazing I'd be finding the door. Right after I made sure it wasn't some sort of psychotic break I needed to help him through, anyway.

Our relationship is built on shared values, and they don't include higher powers. We've been married 7 years and have a house, child, etc. but I would be packing my bags if he started waxing lyrical about world consciousness.

@Frlrlrubert

If my partner 'found god' or started navel gazing I'd be finding the door. Right after I made sure it wasn't some sort of psychotic break I needed to help him through, anyway.

Our relationship is built on shared values, and they don't include higher powers. We've been married 7 years and have a house, child, etc. but I would be packing my bags if he started waxing lyrical about world consciousness.

Hahaha this made me laugh )

Not entirely sure if he needs my help through it. I did wonder that but I think he’s just in a different zone at the moment !

Hmmmm. Tricky. After 33 years, though, I’d probably be inclined to say “yes, dear”, smile and get on with it because I love him.

Yeah I basically share your sentiments !
It really shuts me down . I don’t want to be unkind though - each to their own but I totally didn’t choose this sort of relationship . I feel like I chose a different person

@MrsSkylerWhite

Hmmmm. Tricky. After 33 years, though, I’d probably be inclined to say “yes, dear”, smile and get on with it because I love him.

Yeah and obv if we had a house and kids together I may feel differently

I liked how we were - laughs , tenderness , best mates , intense sexual chemistry . I don’t want to talk about consciousness all te rime !

It wouldn't work for me.

You don't have kids, you don't live together, you're finding you're getting less & less attracted to him & he's boring

Now is the time to enjoy your life, not be
Made miserable by his attitude.

This reminds me of someone I was with that took up running. It might have well have been a cult - it dominated every single thought, conversation and action from that point onwards. He became an absolute bore and I couldn't hack him.

I'm atheist and my husband is catholic. I respect his beliefs and he respects that I'm not religious at all.

We have 2 children together and neither of them are brought up in the Catholic Church. I told my husband if he wanted them to be catholic then he needs to take them. He's never taken them to chapel.

Our relationship works and has done for the last 18 years. We've never argued about religious or lack of religious beliefs. There are two things that I'm a bit 🤔 about like his view on organ donation and funerals (husband wants a burial in his family plot which is full whereas I want cremated and husband wants us buried together)

The Catholic Church did release a statement when the organ donation opt out came out but my husband was brought up to believe you have to be buried whole so your soul goes to heaven and would not want to donate an organ. However, he hasn't actually opted out of organ donation.

@sunnyandshare

This reminds me of someone I was with that took up running. It might have well have been a cult - it dominated every single thought, conversation and action from that point onwards. He became an absolute bore and I couldn't hack him.

Wow this is it !

This isn’t about being a different religion to each other - we already actually are from different religions and it’s never been an issue for us.

This is about a major life change and transformation of the person they were

I find religion fairly interesting, from a psychological point of view. But I could never believe in any kind of higher power, so would struggle to respect a partner who suddenly did, especially if they developed an obsession with it. I'd have a similar issue if they suddenly became right wing. To me, certain values and beliefs need to be shared with a partner in order to feel the connection.

It depends on how they find God, I think. But if it's in a very conservative, traditional sense, I do think it makes things very difficult.

That said, if they were dreadful beforehand and are now living to a different moral standard, that might be different.

I found God after having children. DH doesn't share my views. He thinks it's like believing in fairies. We just don't talk about it much and I am not evangelical by nature. Both DC, now young adults, have faith too. DS2 is like me, very low key but DS1 is very involved with the church. We're fine. But I think it would be very hard if one partner tried to force their views on the other. It's essential to respect different viewpoints and trust someone to find their own way in life.

I'm a church going believer who lives Christian values. Late DH was very much an atheist but he was still a "moral" person. He had pretty much the same standards/expectations. He didn't come to church services but he was happy to help out at church events that served the community.

I never tried to convert him (which I probably should have to be considered a good Christian) as I respect everyone's right to believe or not.

So, I think a kind of middle Engalnd Christiantiy can rub along fine. More extreme, I doubt it.

@lunarlandscape

I found God after having children. DH doesn't share my views. He thinks it's like believing in fairies. We just don't talk about it much and I am not evangelical by nature. Both DC, now young adults, have faith too. DS2 is like me, very low key but DS1 is very involved with the church. We're fine. But I think it would be very hard if one partner tried to force their views on the other. It's essential to respect different viewpoints and trust someone to find their own way in life.

I’d be happy to not talk about it seriously ! I don’t know how honest to be about it

We have had an amazing relationship and I love and care for him . I just have lost the connection to him , and we have nothing to keep us together like house or kids, it’s all about the connection and it’s not what I want for myself, listening to someone being very introspective all the time . Maybe it will change ?

Maybe it will change?
Depends on what form the belief takes. If he gets caught up with a really modern evangelical church (or equivalent in another religion) it could be relentless. Lots of introspection is very dull to listen to if you are not equally absorbed by the same questions. That's what Alpha courses are for - to give non-religious partners a break from the Philosophy 101 ruminations.

We have a religious neighbour (I think he’s a sanctimonious twat) whose DW and DC aren’t interested.
Anyway, DH went to church as a child so this guy spent months trying to get him to go with him (DH doesn’t believe but likes the ‘idea’ of church). I told him if he wanted to spend half his Sunday’s at this guys church he could move in with him as well. He never went.