What happens when one partner finds God

[Isthisthereaklife]

And the other doesn’t ?

Can it work ?

I'd say I am who I am and strive to do good as a person irregardless of my religious beliefs.But it's nice to get a chuch service once in a blue moon and to carry faith in my heart.

So I would not say it governs my life, merely, adds warmth to it and is a place of comfort and strength.

So I dont see why me believing in something would cause offence to others. But some men Really struggle with it. Casually mention that I might hit a Christmas service this year and you'd think I'd told them I kill puppies for a living xD

I'm a wiccan and we are non judgemental so it wouldn't bother me but I very much doubt if the christian person would tolerate me or my beliefs.

@PermanentTemporary

In my experience the person usually became aware of God when they were off their meds, and an unmanageable psychotic episode would follow.

I have been religious too in my time so I'm not quite the nasty old atheist that made me sound. But someone who has found religion is going through a major change and not being able to follow that isn't a failure in you. Do protect yourself.

this does make me wonder

You don't have to stay with anybody for any reason so if it's not working, walk away.

My Dad found religion several years ago and it's become pretty all consuming but being utterly frank, it's symptomatic of poor mental health and is a form of self medication so it's not simply a matter of values and new found interest. It's about obsession and dependency. This is a v different beast.

Not for me, it couldn’t. I would lose a lot of respect for them and have to leave.

@Pinkbonbon

I'd say I am who I am and strive to do good as a person irregardless of my religious beliefs.But it's nice to get a chuch service once in a blue moon and to carry faith in my heart.

So I would not say it governs my life, merely, adds warmth to it and is a place of comfort and strength.

So I dont see why me believing in something would cause offence to others. But some men Really struggle with it. Casually mention that I might hit a Christmas service this year and you'd think I'd told them I kill puppies for a living xD

I go to church too and Christmas tbh. His is something much more than what I’ve experienced before in my life

On some
Level I feel quite simply I don’t want to spend time with him ! Isn’t that mean though?

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

I'm a wiccan and we are non judgemental so it wouldn't bother me but I very much doubt if the christian person would tolerate me or my beliefs.

Speaking as a christian, I would find them fascinating. Though I'm more spiritual than religious. But I know plenty of Christians who feel the same about other religions and beliefs. Just because I believe in something, doesn't mean I can't appreciate the history and the intricacy and the similarities between my faith and that of others.

If one partner has found god, then god should count to one hundred whilst the partner hides.

Wouldn’t work for me. Both DH are atheist, if he found a god it would change our dynamic hugely and I would struggle with that.

Does this consciousness have a figurehead such as Sadhguru / Isha Foundation; is it potentially a bit cultish?

I think if he is being a dick about it then he is being a dick.

There are for example, lots of things in the bible I disagree with. But it was written in a different time and had had years of men changing things. So I take gospel as...very rough guidelines that may be outdated...not actual gospel lol. And I don't have time for people who assume that God isn't capable of growth and changing with the times over thousands of years, just like we are. I try to do what feels right in my conscience.

Also bare in mind that many people use religion for their own controlling and manipulative ends.
If in doubt, ask yourself if the person is a nice human being or not. If they have good intentions for the world or if they are infact just self involved and looking for validation that they are somehow better than others.

Just because someone claims to have sudden found religion, does not mean that they carry God or love for their fellow man in their hearts.

My SIL and BIL married for decades and have a good marriage. She’s the believer and he’s an atheist. Mutual respect and the fact that they really cherish each other means it works well. She’s not the happy clappy type though, never proselytizes, just has a quiet, deep faith. Both are lovely people.

It would be a dealbreaker for me. Same as if someone developed a strong belief in psychics or angels or something.

It would be a disagreement so fundamental I couldn’t get past it.

You are talking about a “new conscience” and that could be as benign as Eckhart Tolle or as destructive as a suicidal religious group.

Which one is it? One thing that strikes me of this thread is that you have not given any concrete details of what you are talking about yet most people are filling up the blanks with a lot of stuff you have not said and providing advice that could be either relevant or irrelevant to your particular case.

We are both fervent atheists. I think if one of us became a Christian it would break us up.

@GrandmasCat

You are talking about a “new conscience” and that could be as benign as Eckhart Tolle or as destructive as a suicidal religious group.

Which one is it? One thing that strikes me of this thread is that you have not given any concrete details of what you are talking about yet most people are filling up the blanks with a lot of stuff you have not said and providing advice that could be either relevant or irrelevant to your particular case.

Oh very benign yes )

My husband found ‘The Spiritual Path’ after being a confirmed non believer. Everything was about meditating (3hrs+ per day), or his spiritual journey. The kids and I were sidelined, and vast amounts of money spent on retreats etc. He became vegetarian, and all his energy outside work, was about his spiritual journey. I felt betrayed. He was not the man I had married, and felt like he began to look at me with pity, as I was not enlightened. To be honest, I found the whole thing embarrassing. There were some major falling outs in his cohort, and his spiritual journey ended abruptly as a result. I can honestly say that I don’t think our marriage would have survived, if his ‘journey’ had continued. We never talk about it, but during an argument once, I told him to go and join a fucking cult, or whatever you want to call it, if he was so unhappy ( not my finest moment) . I felt completely unsupported throughout the entire thing(3 or so years), and wouldn’t go through it again. Good luck, maybe it’ll all come to nothing in the end.

Well.. one relative married someone who wasn’t religious and then he decided to be a vicar. She certainly wasn’t expecting that.
Another relative decided to become a JW and the ban on Xmas and birthdays caused a LOT of upset between them.
It depends how hard line the religion is and how much it changes day to day life. Also whether the other person can get on board with it to some extent.

@Gingerodgers

My husband found ‘The Spiritual Path’ after being a confirmed non believer. Everything was about meditating (3hrs+ per day), or his spiritual journey. The kids and I were sidelined, and vast amounts of money spent on retreats etc. He became vegetarian, and all his energy outside work, was about his spiritual journey. I felt betrayed. He was not the man I had married, and felt like he began to look at me with pity, as I was not enlightened. To be honest, I found the whole thing embarrassing. There were some major falling outs in his cohort, and his spiritual journey ended abruptly as a result. I can honestly say that I don’t think our marriage would have survived, if his ‘journey’ had continued. We never talk about it, but during an argument once, I told him to go and join a fucking cult, or whatever you want to call it, if he was so unhappy ( not my finest moment) . I felt completely unsupported throughout the entire thing(3 or so years), and wouldn’t go through it again. Good luck, maybe it’ll all come to nothing in the end.

Omg this is exactly where I have found myself !

Hopefully it’ll settle down because I am really struggling with not feeling anything except annoyance and detachment from him (and totally no sexual attraction ). I wouldn’t mind if he just did whatever but he always steers the conversation around to it !

If the attraction has gone then I can’t see the point of flogging a dead horse.
There’s a difference I think between two people with very different outlooks getting together in full knowledge and one person changing once the deal has been done. He isn’t who you agreed to be in a relationship with. So while he is entitled to change, you wouldn’t be a bad person for deciding this isn’t what you signed up to

And it’s really boring when one person bangs on all the time about their specific interests (whatever they are) and doesn’t care that the other person has no interest

Is it a YouTube / internet thing? Given how much time we've been spending online during the pandemic, a lot of people are becoming radicalised by the social media algorithms, which just show you more and more extreme test stuff, whether it's far right or far left, or conspiracy theories. I guess the same could happen for religion.

Does he have a problem with previous addictions?

I know some one that found God through AA and had a lot of support from the vicar.

His wife just lets him get on with it

My husband has always identified as a Christian, whereas I am an agnostic. It's not a problem. I'm not one of those dimbos who squawks about 'sky fairies' whenever someone mentions God, and he doesn't spend his life telling me I'll go to hell, so we're all good.