Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Ex boyfriend still attending places I go too, Im getting angrier

66 replies

Pipsy1980 · 18/11/2021 12:08

Hello, I need your help and thinking am I over reacting to this or just sensitive, not too sure what to think really as its starting to affect me.

I broke up with my ex, which was up and down emotional rollercoaster relationship 2 months ago and he lives about an hour away from me. I have moved back to my home town after living with him and feel more relaxed and myself.

However, in those 2 months, he has attended pretty much 6 times a running event I go to which is local to me and my running club which he knows I was joining. We use to go running all the time where he lived and attending one here too and he use to attend events before he met me and he knows this is my neck of the woods too. So lately he goes to these events, an hour from him and 5 mins near my home. I dont go to them for fear of seeing him as it makes me really nervous and on edge.. as I see him on their facebook page attending...he has run about x4 5k runs, a half marathon in a case of a week next to a marathon 3 days later, its just mental.

The problem here is its making me feel nervous and angry, more angry and upset, my thinking how dare you keep coming over here its like to prove he can do these runs so I can see him. I have blocked him 2 months ago and he tried to reach out, he knows this is the only way to connect or see me through this place but its like any event he goes to he, he is going to attend, but its more extreme.

He wont come up to me, because on the times I am there I have someone with me, but its just he makes me angry and upset, is this normal? I feel he just needs to go back to his home town and find events there, there are hundreds of 5ks, half marathons etc....he knows too that I love them and its my local...I feel he has this annoying control emotionally over me, thats my weakness around him but he never sees this and I wont let him.

Sorry rant over but I was ok until I see him attending...!!
thank you for reading..

OP posts:

bluebells34 · 18/11/2021 12:14

It would unnerve me and annoy me too. He is making a statement and it is worrying controling stalking behaviour. Make sure you do not have apps on your phone showing your location - having watched the Molly McLaren documentary last night this is worrying behaviour

Helpstopthepain · 18/11/2021 12:17

Go to the ones local to him instead

Original poster

Pipsy1980 · 18/11/2021 12:19

@Helpstopthepain

Go to the ones local to him instead

ha ha, I wish I could but there are none, I would just to prove a point myself. The awful part of the way he is, is on the photos he is smirky happy and I have never known anyone to do 2 marathons in what 3 days and x5 5k runs in a space of a month or 2....My family cant stand him and I am really happy and chilled when he is not around my neck of the woods....I just him to go and stay where he lives or at least find things in his area...!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Pipsy1980 · 18/11/2021 12:20

@bluebells34

oh gosh that is worrying, thank you for this!

OP posts:

Theunamedcat · 18/11/2021 12:22

Just go and blank him give him zero reaction he will get bored eventually

But never go alone he sounds creepy

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/11/2021 12:24

I was originally going to write "Oh just comment on one of his posts and say God its so sad you keep driving a 2hr round trip instead of going to your local club in the faint hope of seeing me"

However we have instincts for a reason. He is making you anxious. Fear is a gift. So don't provoke him.

Can you always arrange to be with a friend every time you go there?

Embracelife · 18/11/2021 12:25

Maybe get few counselling sessions to feel stronger about ignoring him , if he not approach ing you and it s public event then your indifference will work

If he approaches or harasses you can report

Wuddashudda · 18/11/2021 12:25

If it's an hour away from him and he never sees you, hopefully he will soon get bored and give up. I am sorry this is upsetting for you. Maybe for a while, stop looking at the events and keep away yourself. If he doesn't come near you, then you are only seeing him on the social media you are looking at. I know it's unfair, but give it a month or two.

AryaStarkWolf · 18/11/2021 12:28

Unfortunately there isn't anything you can do about it but I'm sure he'll get sick of travelling all that way just to prove some sort of point, is there any other clubs you could go to near-ish? for now anyway?

hotcrossedbums · 18/11/2021 12:30

Unless I've misread it, he used to to to the ones which are now your local ones, before you were even together?

InTheWilderness82 · 18/11/2021 12:31

I would also make sure that someone at the running club is aware you feel unsafe around him, and that he is potentially showing signs of stalking. I don't know if there is someone there you could tell, just to cover yourself in case he tries anything else.

DentalWorries · 18/11/2021 12:34

@bluebells34

I was thinking exactly this while reading the OP

Dentistlakes · 18/11/2021 12:35

Are these public races or Parkrun events? If they are races then then I’m not sure what you can do. It sounds excessive to travel such a distance, but many people do especially if they are training for a longer race. I would continue to ignore him and hope that if he is doing it to rattle you, he gets bored eventually and stops. Of course if he approaches you then loudly ask him to move away and report him for harassment if he continues.

Hboo31 · 18/11/2021 12:38

I did think it was awful and controlling but the OP has said that there are none near him so it may just be that this one is the most convenient travel/time wise.

GentlemanJayFab · 18/11/2021 12:48

He likes running. No events near him so he comes to an event near you, that he previously attended with you.

Are you over reacting?

TheFoundations · 18/11/2021 12:49

It's up to him where he goes and what he does. It's up to you to handle your emotions. Either learn not to care, or attend a different club. If you feel he's risky, don't be alone around him. It's not his gubbins to avoid places where you are. He can act weird if he wants. There's no rules, aside from the law.

RedCarsGoFaster · 18/11/2021 12:51

I'm unclear on what's happening here.

Is he stalking you? Trying to be where he knows you are?

Was he a runner before you met or has he miraculously taken it up to a high standard since you split?

Nyxly · 18/11/2021 12:54

So he attended this before you broke up?
If so that's not stalking. He is just attending them as usual.

Annoying, but often after a break up you will see the ex going about their usual routine, if yours is similar

dworky · 18/11/2021 12:55

@Helpstopthepain

Go to the ones local to him instead

That will solve nothing. It will inconvenience OP & he will more than likely follow her there. Tell him in no uncertain terms that his creepy behaviour has crossed the line & has to stop. If he continues you should inform the police as it would be considered stalking.

Tiddlywinks10 · 18/11/2021 13:00

@GentlemanJayFab

He likes running. No events near him so he comes to an event near you, that he previously attended with you.

Are you over reacting?

I wondered this…

Also a runner and will happily travel out my way for the right event.

user1471457751 · 18/11/2021 13:07

You've contradicted yourself. You say he should just find events near him but then in your next post say there are no events near him. Sounds like he's used to running and is just continuing his hobby in one of the closest areas to him

AuntieStella · 18/11/2021 13:15

ha ha, I wish I could but there are none

So he can't go to events local to him either. And he was running your local events before he met you, whilst seeing you, and has continued post-break up.

It might help you to accept that the situation if you remind yourself that he's not doing anything new or different. He's a runner - an avid one as he's doing back-to-back marathons (unusual only in the sense that it's the preserve only of the keen and fit). 5x 5k runs in a month really isn't unusual at all.

I don't think it's reasonable for you to expect him to change the running habits which he had before you met. As you have started running, and want to continue locally, then you need to find a way to do so without his presence bothering you. How big are the events? Do you have other friends/acquaintances there?

anon12345678901 · 18/11/2021 13:21

Did he used to go to these events when you were together? If so, he's doing nothing wrong. Even if not, he's still doing nothing wrong if, as you say, there are no events local to him.

RosieGuacamosie · 18/11/2021 13:22

We use to go running all the time where he lived and attending one here too and he use to attend events before he met me

So he used to attend even before he met you and there’s no events near him? I think you’re blowing this way out of proportion unless there’s a massive backstory?

theemmadilemma · 18/11/2021 13:29

@RosieGuacamosie

We use to go running all the time where he lived and attending one here too and he use to attend events before he met me

So he used to attend even before he met you and there’s no events near him? I think you’re blowing this way out of proportion unless there’s a massive backstory?

This. Dude doing what he did previously but more often after a relationship breakup.

Flip

1 2 3