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Original poster

Ex boyfriend still attending places I go too, Im getting angrier

66 replies

Pipsy1980 · 18/11/2021 12:08

Hello, I need your help and thinking am I over reacting to this or just sensitive, not too sure what to think really as its starting to affect me.

I broke up with my ex, which was up and down emotional rollercoaster relationship 2 months ago and he lives about an hour away from me. I have moved back to my home town after living with him and feel more relaxed and myself.

However, in those 2 months, he has attended pretty much 6 times a running event I go to which is local to me and my running club which he knows I was joining. We use to go running all the time where he lived and attending one here too and he use to attend events before he met me and he knows this is my neck of the woods too. So lately he goes to these events, an hour from him and 5 mins near my home. I dont go to them for fear of seeing him as it makes me really nervous and on edge.. as I see him on their facebook page attending...he has run about x4 5k runs, a half marathon in a case of a week next to a marathon 3 days later, its just mental.

The problem here is its making me feel nervous and angry, more angry and upset, my thinking how dare you keep coming over here its like to prove he can do these runs so I can see him. I have blocked him 2 months ago and he tried to reach out, he knows this is the only way to connect or see me through this place but its like any event he goes to he, he is going to attend, but its more extreme.

He wont come up to me, because on the times I am there I have someone with me, but its just he makes me angry and upset, is this normal? I feel he just needs to go back to his home town and find events there, there are hundreds of 5ks, half marathons etc....he knows too that I love them and its my local...I feel he has this annoying control emotionally over me, thats my weakness around him but he never sees this and I wont let him.

Sorry rant over but I was ok until I see him attending...!!
thank you for reading..

OP posts:
Dadstheworld · 18/11/2021 13:54

It seems a stretch to paint him as a stalker when you know so much about his running schedule.

Cloudfrost · 18/11/2021 13:57

if he did this event before u got together, and the ones near him are non existent and lacking, then u are being ridiculous

MultiStorey · 18/11/2021 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Monalotmoore · 18/11/2021 14:07

Unfortunately we can't choose what locations or events people we don't like attend unless there's a restraining order. I think in your case although it would be irritating I'd just find another group where you are not going to see him and just stop looking at their Facebook page. Running groups aren't exactly in short supply, there are plenty of others you can join. Ok it may not feel like you should change groups but your only other option is to stay with the one you keep seeing him at and getting wound up seeing him on their social media page. It may be his way of taking his mins off the break up by trying to carry on as normal and busy himself but ultimately who cares why he's killing himself doing marathons. Let him run himself into the ground and move on with dignity.

theworldsastage · 18/11/2021 14:33

It sounds like you had a pretty dramatic relationship, but not one which had any control/abuse - it was just a relationship that ended, that you'd prefer not to be reminded of.

I wouldn't want to see my ex on my turf either, but unless you've held back some facts, he's a runner travelling to his nearest decent events. As a runner yourself, you know that it's common to travel crazy distances for specific events if they have a good crowd/good course - so it doesn't sound stalkerish, just bloody annoying.

So, sympathy for you, but no solution - and some background for MNers who aren't runners. Unless you're one or you know one, the distance they're prepared to travel does seem a bit implausible. It's perfectly normal in that field.

1forAll74 · 18/11/2021 14:45

Unless there are other worrying factors in this, as in his type of behaviour when he is at the same places as you, you maybe just getting annoyed about something that shouldn't be a problem., It's not like you are all jammed up in a night club together, its just running free.

FinallyHere · 18/11/2021 14:51

Stand your ground.

Go where you want to go.

By all means someone with you but just.don't.notice him.

That will take away his power. Good luck.

DoctorWhoTardis · 18/11/2021 14:53

I don't want to worry you but He sounds like a stalker. I would get some legal advice personally.

Bookworm20 · 18/11/2021 14:55

I'm confused. Sounds like he used to run there before he met you anyway?

You wrote this first:
I feel he just needs to go back to his home town and find events there, there are hundreds of 5ks, half marathons etc.

Someone suggested:
Go to the ones local to him instead

And you replied:
ha ha, I wish I could but there are none

So are there hundreds or are there none near him?

Monalotmoore · 18/11/2021 15:18

@Bookworm20

I'm confused. Sounds like he used to run there before he met you anyway?

You wrote this first:
I feel he just needs to go back to his home town and find events there, there are hundreds of 5ks, half marathons etc.

Someone suggested:
Go to the ones local to him instead

And you replied:
ha ha, I wish I could but there are none

So are there hundreds or are there none near him?

Well if there are hundreds I can't see why the OP wouldn't be joining one to cut all contact with him. I get that she may not see why she should but she'd actually be taking back the power in this situation by doing so and sending him a strong message she doesn't give a toss at the same time.
PinkWaferBiscuit · 18/11/2021 15:25

@DoctorWhoTardis

I don't want to worry you but He sounds like a stalker. I would get some legal advice personally.
Unless my reading comprehension is dire absolutely nothing the OP has posted suggests he is doing anything he didn't do prior to them dating let alone him being a stalker.

I really think in this instance the OP is over analysing the situation and the ex is simply doing exactly as he always has. He's not attending these races to stalk the OP he's attending them because he is a runner and he wants to race. Even if they had never dated it sounds like he would still be attending these events.

anon12345678901 · 18/11/2021 15:35

@PinkWaferBiscuit I agree. I see nothing in the posts that sound like a stalker, more like OP doesn't want him to continue to attend these events because they've split.

2020isnotbehaving · 18/11/2021 15:39

You need get handsome fit man to run with you and be all friendly Grin

Cloudfrost · 18/11/2021 17:13

u say that he keeps doing a lot of marathons and races etc, more than he did before.

has the idea crossed your mind that he has thrown himself into his hobby to deal with the breakup? its often advised on here to do it after breakups lol

obviously there is always a possibility he does it in order to see u/get in contact with you/annoy you, but at this point he is not doing anything wrong. you can either attend and ignore him, change to different groups or sit at home and stew in anger about it while he goes on enjoying himself

nocnoc · 18/11/2021 17:26

I think you’re going to have to rise above it. Make sure you attend with someone and are never alone with him. Don’t stop going. It’s your local. Let it be a lesson never to involve a BF in your hobbies. Keep them to yourself. Just go and ignore him. Surely an hour drive isn’t sustainable for him. That’s like me visiting my parents and I only do the drive once a month because it’s a trek

BillMasen · 18/11/2021 17:53

Poor bloke. Sounds like he did this before you, and has continued since you split, nowhere else is local to him and you’re saying he should change and find somewhere else?

And that’s being supported by posts calling g him a stalker??

Original poster
Pipsy1980 · 18/11/2021 19:39

@AryaStarkWolf

Unfortunately there isn't anything you can do about it but I'm sure he'll get sick of travelling all that way just to prove some sort of point, is there any other clubs you could go to near-ish? for now anyway?
I can go to others, but as its my running club its part of supporting them, this is the annoying part of it!!
OP posts:
Original poster
Pipsy1980 · 18/11/2021 19:48

Hi, ok this may have sounded confusing but he lives over oxfordshire way, I am in bedfordshire, we both were runners before we met, he use to run over his way not mine to various events before, never this one he never knew it existed....when we were together I saw this club and said if i lived back home I would join and do those events, he said yes it looks amazing, but no point as we live over Oxfordshire way which was true because of the trek etc. Now since splitting, he has joined it, he also mentioned when we split that there was no point in him attending, as it was my ground and wouldnt be fair on me...but here he is!!! but for me its just because he was very nasty when we split, he was following me home most nights before we split and after and he was controlling so my antennae is up with him and he just basically makes me feel anxious, I want to gain my control back by going and not caring if he is there and dont think i should be the one running away from him as my friends are there and love it!! Im hoping eventually it gets to the stage where i dont care he is there, literally he is there every weekend. its just the hassle he put me through when we broke up, he is not a pleasant character. So thats why I am anxious naturally, nothing else.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pipsy1980 · 18/11/2021 19:49

@2020isnotbehaving

You need get handsome fit man to run with you and be all friendly Grin
That I would love ha ha!!
OP posts:
Mayorquimby2 · 18/11/2021 20:06

Amazing to see the man being called the controlling stalker here 😂😂😂

Monalotmoore · 18/11/2021 20:18

@Mayorquimby2

Amazing to see the man being called the controlling stalker here 😂😂😂
Well I'm not really seeing anything being put up as evidence that he's doing anything other than just simply going to events he's perfectly entitled to attend. So they aren't together but maybe he likes the group too and enjoys it more than the one he was at previously and doesn't see why he should leave either. He tried to reach out to op and her response was to block him.....then keep looking at the group's Facebook page at pictures of him winding herself up. The question is what is he actually doing that's wrong? Is he trying to talk to you at events? Is he following you home? Does he keep trying to contact you outside the event? I'm just a little reluctant with branding anything with a penis a stalker on what so far is rather tenuous evidence even the police would struggle to make a case with. But as always some MNers have already held a trial and passed a guilty verdict based on nothing more than their own imaginations.
Monalotmoore · 18/11/2021 20:25

@DoctorWhoTardis

I don't want to worry you but He sounds like a stalker. I would get some legal advice personally.
Please get a grip.
Original poster
Pipsy1980 · 18/11/2021 20:51

@nocnoc

I think you’re going to have to rise above it. Make sure you attend with someone and are never alone with him. Don’t stop going. It’s your local. Let it be a lesson never to involve a BF in your hobbies. Keep them to yourself. Just go and ignore him. Surely an hour drive isn’t sustainable for him. That’s like me visiting my parents and I only do the drive once a month because it’s a trek
I think you are right, but for him it looks like he would still travel over an hour or longer just to go to these!! He knows there are good as I introduced him to them and we met a great bunch of people, he doesnt, hate to say, have any friends or social life where he is, so for him this will be make him feel good anyway!
OP posts:
Monalotmoore · 18/11/2021 20:59

There's a chance that's all there is behind it. Perhaps it's just given him the social life he didn't have before. I have to say the conclusions some people are drawing with such scant evidence so far makes me hope they never get called up for jury service.

Original poster
Pipsy1980 · 18/11/2021 21:05

@Monalotmoore

There's a chance that's all there is behind it. Perhaps it's just given him the social life he didn't have before. I have to say the conclusions some people are drawing with such scant evidence so far makes me hope they never get called up for jury service.
lol, thats funny, I guess it could well be, he has never had a social life and friends, until I came along so maybe its what he needed
OP posts: